The Here and The Now

Eight Months...Wow!

2010-08-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

Wow! It has been just over eight months since I blogged! That is crazy! Where has the time gone? Well its flown by with my nose in the books and in other places that one should not talk about! Haha...wiping bums, giving injections, stuff like that!

Yes, life has been a rollercoaster ride for the most of the past few months. School has been fun, hard, exciting, challenging, eye opening and rewarding! I'm about to begin my third and final semester tomorrow! Its going to be a very fast paced couple of months...I hope that I'm up for the challenge! I'm not sure what its all going to bring...more tears, laughter and nervousness I'm sure! I have a new instructor so I'm kind of wondering how she will be...our favorite...well most of us in the class had a favorite instructor, she quit due to some idiots in our class. She was an amazing teacher and we are all at a disadvantage with her gone.

I'm actually scared a bit about this last a final semester...this is it...this is what I have wanted for so many years...its almost over with...can I do it? Will I chicken out once it comes time to actually put it all into practice for real? I hope not!

I was talking with a girl today that took the course last year. She was also in my Care Aid course a couple years back, she failed the national exam...not once, but twice...so now she has given up on being a nurse! It scares me that I could be like that...that that could happen to me! I have given up so much to do this...and I don't want it to all be for nothing. I have a student loan that needs to be paid off after this...family time has been lost that I will never get back...friendships have been neglected that I hope will still be there once this is over with...a marriage that has shown its strength of which I am very grateful for. So much lost, but also gained. So if you could remember to pray for me during the next few months...I would be very grateful to you!

Well I just wanted to say that yes, I am alive and well and still living on planet earth! I hope that you are all well...anyone who reads this! Hopefully I can update this on a regular basis...I've missed it!

Its been that long?

2010-01-02T22:46:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

I can't believe that its been almost two months since I last updated this thing! Life has been busy, and crazy, what can I say?

~hubby's back at work...he was off for 12 weeks...ugh, but he's back at it (actually, he's been on
holidays this past week...haha) He was found 100% innocent (who'da thunk it...dummies) of
any wrong doing. There is still stuff going on that is retarded, but he's back at it, so thats good!
~I finished my crazy Bio course on Dec 18th...the last day I had left to get it done! Finished with
a B+ :)
~we went into the bush and cut down our own "perfect for us" christmas tree this Christmas...it
was a lot of fun!
~I start my LPN course on monday...can't believe the time is already here.
~I may have to postpone my course until Sept due to something that we are praying very hard
for, but we will have to see, we won't know anything for the next couple of weeks...and NO I
am not pregnant! Lol!

I'd love to post more about life in general, but I'll save it for another time! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I hope that 2010 blesses you all!

This, that...and some more kaka...

2009-11-11T00:14:00.000-08:00

It is late and I can't sleep. I had quite the nap this afternoon...wasn't feeling too great, upset stomached, headache...just blah. I've had a lot on my mind as of late...well for a quite a while now and you "lucky" readers are going to hear some it right now...

So, I had some grandious plan of reviewing and making all of my study notes for the next 4 units of my upgrading that I had started in spring. I had August off and was going to read and make notes and then start September off with writing an exam and then another once a week until I was done. That plan disappeared and now here I sit, almost the middle of November with one exam under my belt and four more to go by December 18th. Here are a few of my excuses...

1. August was spent with my family, hanging out, doing nothing...whats wrong with that?

2. We had company in Sept...twice...who wants to study when you have company?

3. My kids have been sick here and there off and on...I think they've only gone to school for an entire week each once since school started!!! Ugh!

4. My husband has been home from work for 6.5 weeks now. I won't go into too many details, because you just never know who is reading this out there. Lets just say that he has been dealt a pretty lousy hand and has been treated very unfairly and that we are praying and waiting for justice to be done! A lot of lies and backstabbing has been going on with all of this. We are also praying that he will have a new job where he is appreciated and valued for his opinion, work ethic and honesty very soon! (I had written a bit more about what was going on...and had been a bit more "meaner" in what I wrote...but then I though that I had to "be kind and rewind"...so thats what I did...it just doesn't sound as nasty as it really is...oh well...like I said..."you never know who...")

5. We went home to Saskatoon for thanksgiving. It was exactly what we needed...being back in our hometown...just seeing familiar places, how things have changed, spending time with family and friends and not having to think about any of the crap going on here...it was great! But then we came back home....

6. I have been DISTRACTED! Just a little bit don't ya think?

There is more to my distraction than these six reason's...but I think six is good enough for today!

So much has gone on in the past two months...it is unreal. I get tired just thinking about it all! I KNOW that part of this is meant to be a distraction from the enemy...I am trying my hardest to not let him win. I am almost at the point where I can taste the achievement of the goal that I have been striving for...and there is no way in hell that I will let that bugger win! I also know that what we have been going through will only make us stronger...and will maybe even build a bit of character...whether I enjoy it or not! Also whether I appreciate it or not!

Right now I have a sick boy who was immunized last week. He sounds as if he has croup, and he has a pretty bad fever going on...thankfully it seems ok for now. (I really don't want to hear anyone's opinion on the immunization right now...I think that everyone needs to do what is right for them and their family's and need to leave everyone else to their own decisions, whether you agree or not...I'm tired of hearing about it...and my family is my family and someone elses opinion plays so affect on what we do!)

I am past the point of crying about all of this. I am just starting to get impatient and angry with it all. I was so looking forward to the kids going back to school so we could have some sort of routine...but that is not happening! Having my husband home...as much as I love him...is not fun! He is suppose to be at work while I have my day to do the things that I need to get done, and to do the things that need to get done around the house. With him here, its just different and things don't get done like they should!

I just want life to get back to "normal"...my normal...

I don't know what to pray for anymore. So many thoughts go through my head at the same time that it all just gets jumbled up into a big ball of craziness! I can't concentrate on proper prayers (whatever those might actually be...I don't know)...so whatever I think in the moment, I hope God is getting it and that he can unscramble it to make some sort of sense! I am mentally and emotionally drained...having a sick kid, as sick as he is...I am finding that I don't have much compassion left in me...and that is so not like me when it comes to my kids not feeling well. Its quite sad to tell you the truth. I think that I need a good looooonnnnnng cry...but I never seem to have a moment long enough to myself to do that!

The stress of all that has happened is showing in the kids as well...especially my oldest. Its hard enough having her grow up (she just turned 12) and having her emotions and hormones all out of whack as it is...then to put the strain of all this crap on top of it...I tell ya, it makes for some "fun" times around this house!

If you think of us...please just send up a prayer on our behalf...that would be great!

Whatever you are going through yourselves...I hope and pray that you are well! We need to support eachother in these rough times...but we also need to remember to support eachother through the good as well!

I've had this song playing in my head for the past couple of days...I think many of us need some healing rain these days...

Healing Rain ~ Micheal W. Smith

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this cry heart with healing rain

And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

To be washed in Heaven's rain...

Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...

2009-10-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

Your Faithfulness

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

I don't know if these clouds mean rain
If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?
I don't know what the future holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know how or when I'll die
Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?
No, I don't know how much time is left
But in the end, I will know your faithfulness

When darkness overwhelms my soul
When thoughts and storms of doubt
Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

A good friend sent this song to me today,
and I thank her for it! I bawled the entire time
that I listened to it. Another friend of mine found out
that she had miscarried and wrote a "note
on FB about praising God even in the rainstorm...how
she was strumming her guitar one nightwhile everyone
was asleep and how God asked her,"will you praise me
in the storm?"...she didn't know what it all meant at
the time, as they have been going through some rough
patches as well, and she still praised him through that...
but after she learned that her baby didn't have a
heartbeat...she knew exactly what He was asking of her.
She IS praising him through the storm...and I too am
going to do my best to praise him through this storm.
He is faithful, even when I am not...or have little to no
faith at times...
HE IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL!

2009-10-06T11:56:00.000-07:00

^{Psalm 140

1} Rescue me, O LORD, from evil men;
protect me from men of violence,

² who devise evil plans in their hearts
and stir up war every day.

³ They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent's;
the poison of vipers is on their lips.
Selah

⁴ Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked;
protect me from men of violence
who plan to trip my feet.

⁵ Proud men have hidden a snare for me;
they have spread out the cords of their net
and have set traps for me along my path.
Selah

⁶ O LORD, I say to you, "You are my God."
Hear, O LORD, my cry for mercy.

⁷ O Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer,
who shields my head in the day of battle-

⁸ do not grant the wicked their desires, O LORD;
do not let their plans succeed,
or they will become proud.
Selah

⁹ Let the heads of those who surround me
be covered with the trouble their lips have caused.

¹⁰ Let burning coals fall upon them;
may they be thrown into the fire,
into miry pits, never to rise.

¹¹ Let slanderers not be established in the land;
may disaster hunt down men of violence.

¹² I know that the LORD secures justice for the poor
and upholds the cause of the needy.

¹³ Surely the righteous will praise your name
and the upright will live before you.

This is what I am praying for. It may sound brutal...but David went through the same thing that my husband and some of his co-workers are going through. Having their good names slandered in order for someone else to get ahead in their own life. I have never ever seen such malisciousness as I have seen over the past few weeks. Trying to ruin other people's lives and careers just for your own selfish self...it is dispicable beyond comprehension! This person and his sidekick are supposive christians...well they supposively go to the same church, so I assume that they are christians. It makes me literally sick to know that they can walk into a church from week to week and then turn around and be the way they are in the workplace! I know that we as humans are not perfect...no one is...but I have never seen anything like this before! I am trying to have faith...the type of faith that can move mountains...but there are moments, many moments where I feel that there is no point to having any faith at all. I feel as if my husband and my family has been put through the wringer! He and the other guys involved have done nothing to deserve this...absolutely nothing!!!!! May I repeat...NOTHING!!!!

I am so tired and frustrated with everything out here! I had finally come to the point where I felt at peace out here...I knew that there was a light at the end for us. Now I just want to run away and never come back! But...that is exactly what these losers want us to do. They want to make it so my husband gets so fed up that he quits...well, news flash...its not going to happen. He is not going to let the losers (that is my nice name for the two of them) win!! Your prayers are appreciated if you think of us!

Prayer...

2009-09-02T12:16:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to put out a prayer request for J's brother and sister in law and their children. They are in Indonesia doing missionary work and they are being plagued with sickness continually. Right now Karen (the mom) has malaria and the children have had everything from malaria to dengue fever and more! This has been going on for quite some time now(the past month). Currently one of the boys is sick and they are not sure what it is yet. I ask you all to pray for this family and that God would bring some long term healing to them! Thankyou

He's Always Faithful!

2009-08-18T17:16:00.000-07:00

Its been a while hey? Not sure if anyone even reads this thing anymore!

So, looks like I'm going to be busy as of January...busier than busy! I HAVE been accepted into the LPN course!!! Yahoo, yippee, woo hoo...you get the idea:) I don't have my "official" letter of acceptance, but I did talk with the lady that decides yay or nay as to who gets into the course and she told me that I was in her "pile". So I asked if that was a good thing or not! Obviously it was the yay pile! I still have to get the second half of my Biology done, which I have until Dec 18th to finish...but I'm hoping and planning on not taking that long! We'll see I guess!

I am very happy about all of this. I have wanted and talked about taking this course for a long, long, long time! When I had first thought of it...Rowyn was just a baby, I may have planned on it before that, I don't know...like I said, its been a long time in the making! Its been a very emotional rollercoaster for me. There are times that I have just wanted to give up...like I have in so many other areas in my life...but I KNOW that people have been praying for me! It has meant the world to me to have the prayers of my parents, my sister, my friends behind me! I wish that I could express my gratitude! Teaching yourself Biology...well trying to understand Biology on your own is not easy... not for me anyways! It is paying off though, my interim mark was a B...I needed a C...so it was all good:) I am kind of looking forward to the second half of the Bio, as it deals more with anatomy and body systems...the first half was basically all molecular stuff...ugh!!! But that is now done, thank goodness!

Lately, I have been looking ahead to the future. Wondering where this is all going to go. We have plans...not 100% plans, but I am looking forward to them. None of them will happen though without a lot of faith and prayers. Something I'm not so good at most of the time...having faith, and praying in ALL things! I must admit that living out here has been a major growing, stretching, faith building experience...and sometimes, downright defeating as well! I have lost friends from the past and the present, pissed people off, made some people say "huh"?, and have had others shaking their heads. Such is life. I am finally learning, at almost 35 yrs old, that I don't live for anyone but God! Of course I need to treat myself right as well as my husband and children...but other than that (no offense to anyone) what I do is my business, whether people agree, or not! It doesn't matter. I've let it matter for sooooooo long...but when you get right down to it...it doesn't. People may not like my decisions, that is fine, you don't have to! I make my decisions on what is right for me and my family...not what is right for you, or for what you think I should be doing instead. Ok...I'm going in a different direction here all of a sudden...better stop while I'm ahead!

Life is too short to live with regrets! Although I would love to just pick up and move right at this moment...I would have regretted not finishing what I had started. I remember when I knew that we were going to move out here, one of the first things I did was to see if they had a college, and if that college offered the LPN program. It did!

As almost all of you know. I have not been happy out here for a long time. I still have days where I wish we never moved here...but, a lot of things wouldn't have happened in my life if we hadn't. We have grown closer as a family unit. We have not been able to rely on family members for "time outs" from our kids, or vise versa (lets admit, there are days when they need a break from mom and dad too) and some days that has been very hard. Of course I miss having my parents nearby, as well as my sister...but I've also enjoyed our independence from them as well. It has been a struggle, there have been times where I have honestly just wanted to walk out the door...wanted to walk away from everything and everyone! Scary? Yes! Tell me about it! I haven't shared that with many people, so I'm sharing it now...whether people believe it or not...doesn't matter.

Thankfully through all of this...God is proving and will always prove to be faithful! I truly believe that me going to school in January is our last step out here until we will be able to move on to somewhere else. Why I believe that? I'm not sure...but deep down, something tells me that "this" is it! So it gives me hope. This has been the plan for my life for a long time...and for a while I forgot about it. I know that being an LPN isn't some wonderful feat in some people's eyes...but for me, it has been my goal...well part of my goal. I eventually would like to be an Operating Room Technician...but that's a couple of more years down the road. My main goal though, all along was to get my LPN certificate. A lot of people have been telling me that I'll want to keep going and get my RN...I'm not so sure about that. Another three or four years of school does not sound that appealing to me...especially when I probably wouldn't graduate until my early 40's! Eeek! That doesn't appeal to me at all!

For now, I am content to know that I will be done school in December 2010! After that, who know's what will happen. It may take a few months...but I am ready for whatever, and wherever God decides to take us!

Conversation in the van...

2009-07-29T21:13:00.000-07:00

While me and my son were out and about today...we some how started talking about the tides. He knew that the tides were affected by the moon, but asked me how.
I said that I wasn't quite sure how that all worked.
He said, "Well the boss knows"!
I said, "yes, he does"!
He said, "You know who the boss is don't you"?
I said, "Yes, I do! He even knows how many hairs there are on your head"!
He said, "I know that...and he knows how many hairs there are on dad's chest"!!!!

I just about peed myself! Where does this kid get this stuff? Haha!

One time I was showing him a picture of his dad when he was about in grade 7 or so, I asked Rowyn if he knew who that was and he said that he didn't. I told him that it was his dad. He then replied with, "DAD WAS BLACK"????? Hahahahaha! Jason has a pretty dark tan in the picture...but he is not black...that kid...always making me smile and laugh!

Swimming the Skeena...Talk about "Doing" something...WOW!!!

2009-07-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

I heard a bit about this woman (click on woman...it doesn't highlight very well on here) on CBC radio a week or so ago...kind of forgot about it until I was driving along the Skeena yesterday to take my daughter to camp. Is she crazy? I don't know...but atleast she's trying to make a difference and isn't just "talking" about it!

What do you think?

2009-05-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

Every time I catch 'Dog the Bounty Hunter' I always find myself comparing these two guys...

Its the hair! I always think of Manny the Mammoth's hair when I look at Dog...it makes me laugh! Dog must have enjoyed the Ice Age movies!

So.......

2009-04-23T16:49:00.000-07:00

Well...I think I have finally figured out a few things in my life. I think I may almost feel at peace about it too...which is a wonderful, wonderful feeling!!!

As a few of you know, I had applied to take the LPN course out here about two years ago (it would have started in Jan of 08) unfortunately, it was cancelled due to the college revamping the course, etc. Needless to say I was disappointed. I have wanted to take an LPN course for over five years now, before I even moved out here...but Saskatoon didn't offer it at the time. I ended up taking the Home Support/Resident Care Aide course instead...it was half the length of the LPN (only six months instead of twelve) and was a good introduction into working in the health field. As I look back, I honestly don't think that I would have lasted twelve months straight through in school, as I hadn't been in school for quite some time! I probably would've dropped out. With taking the Care Aide course, I realized that I could do it! I've never had much confidence in myself when it came to school...I had a hard time in highschool...and I didn't enjoy the learning part that much...just the socializing:) When I went to hairdressing school, I graduated at the top of my class. I think wanting to do something over having to do something makes a huge difference! So last year, since it was my choice to be in school...I ended up graduating with Honors...would would've thunk it? Not me! Lol! So, I now know that I CAN do it! I am smart!

My last few posts have been mostly about leaving here. Someday, I hope we can, but until then, I NEED to make the best of it while I'm here! Last night I couldn't sleep. I started thinking about the LPN program again. I looked online at the one in Saskatoon...since lately, we've been kind of thinking of "home". At the moment, they are not taking any apps for next year and none from out of the province...and are going to be making it hard to get into the course by making it not first come first served...but instead who is the most qualified to take the course! That's how they're doing it for most of the course at the college in Saskatoon. Fair? I don't know. The waiting lists are crazy out there! So that wasn't really an option in my eyes. Then I looked at takinig the course through distance ed from a college in Edmonton. I wasn't too sure about doing the courses on my own...and then when I saw how much tuition was for out of province students...I axed that idea right away...its double for out of province students...crazy! In BC, the course is twelve months straight through...its a condensed course. In other provinces its two school years, or approx. 16mths. If I took it anywhere but here, I wouldn't graduate until 2012 if that...where as if I take it here, I'll graduate at the end of 2010!

So...... today I applied for the Jan 2010 LPN course and start upgrading in Bio on monday! Ahhhh!!! Then in Math in Sept. Crazy!!! As much as we've wanted to leave here...nothing seems to be happening. I finally decided that I need to make the best if things while I'm here...and achieving my goals can still be done while I'm here. I don't need to put my life on hold just because I'm not exactly where I want to be. I mean, a lot of people think that I hate it out here...I honestly don't. I just miss being able to see my family and friends from back home more than I do. I feel isolated out here in the winter...plus a few other things, but I don't hate it! A lot has happened in my life while being out here...a lot of mistakes have been made...but a lot of learning has also happened. Its all part of life...the good, the bad and the ugly. I just don't want to let another day go by thinking that I shoulda...but I didn't. If something happens between now and Jan and we end up moving...so be it. Atleast I'm prepared and have a plan if we don't. If I hadn't applied for the course and was still here in Jan...I would've been very upset with myself.

Well, I just wanted to share that with you all. Looks like I'm going to be busy for a while now...that'll be a good thing! I just pray that they don't end up cancelling the course again! That would honestly suck! I thank God for finally giving me the sense to just live and to stop regretting and thinking about things that may never be. He knows what He has planned for my life...all I can do is go to Him for guidance and hope that I'm doing the right thing in His eyes!

A Woman's Prayer

2009-04-18T13:55:00.000-07:00

I pray for
Wisdom to understand a man
Love to forgive him
And patience for his moods

Because Lord, if I pray for strength,
I'll just beat him to death.

Jason saw this poem on the wall of his friend's mom's house last night...he thought that I'd like it...I do:) Lol!

2009-04-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

Well its done...I slipped my letter of resignation under the door of my now former bosses office door!!! It feels good!

I got on with another place here in town. I won't officially start for a week or two yet...but thats ok...gives me a bit of time to just chill! I gave my two weeks at my other job...but honestly, I won't be taking any shifts if they call. Is that bad of me? I mean, I do have a choice if they do, so I'm fine with saying NO! For my new job I still need to get a criminal record check done and also a note from my Dr. saying that I am capable of doing the work that the job requires.

Speaking of Dr's. I just found out, through the local paper mind you, that my Dr. is leaving! Um, thanks for letting you patients know! We don't have enough Dr's out here as it is...now I need to find my family another one! Great!!! I sure wish that I could go back my Dr. in Saskatoon...I loved her, she's helped me through so much...she was the bomb!!!! Some people didn't like her, but just like with all people, you click with some and you don't with others...such is life.

I'm recertifying in my first aid tomorrow. Last time I took it, I registered for a class at our local college. It was fine, I passed, all was good. This time I'm taking it through St. John's Ambulance. I'm suppose to read about 20 chapters and answer the quizes at the end of each of them. I only registered yesterday and I've only gotten through 4 chapters...and here I sit and type. I hate reading as it is! Hopefully it'll all go well and I'll pass. I need if for my job. I needed it for my last job and they were suppose to pay for it...but that never happened. Oh well.

So J's been applying for a few jobs as of late. Three on the island...and three in Saskatoon. There are one or two in Calgary that he needs to check out as well...if he ever gets the time to do it. Work is keeping him busy!! We've decided that it probably isn't the smartest thing to just focus solely on one particular area. We need to be open to other area's and other possibilities. I think we'd be happy with almost anything between the island and Saskatoon to be honest. So we'll see what happens...I look forward to the day that I can write a post about J's new job and that we're moving!

I was talking with my daughter about moving. She really wants to move as well. She's bored out here...plus I think she misses being able to see family on a more regular basis...we all miss that! She told me yesterday that she thinks that being closer to family is more important that being close to the ocean...which she loves! I think that girl has her head on so straight that I couldn't make it any straighter if I tried. I needed to hear that. We just need to be living where we have easier access to family. Whether thats living in the same province or community, or being able to get seat sales so we can quickly fly to where we want or need to be. Either way, I think we'd all be a lot happier if we had any of those options!

Well as usual, thats all I got. I hope everyone who reads this blog is well and that spring has arrived wherever you are! Today was beautiful out here. I'm not sure how warm it got, but around 6pm, it said that it was +14 on our trucks thermometer!

This Song...

2009-04-01T00:38:00.000-07:00

Right now I want to be sitting on a beach, staring out into the sea and listening to this song (first song on his myspace playlist) ...for some reason it lets me feel sad, yet hopeful all in the same...not sure why. I just love it!

Today....

2009-03-31T18:37:00.000-07:00

Well, today I had hoped I was going to go and get me the job I felt was mine...maybe "mine" isn't the right word. I guess the job that I feel I should be doing. I've gone to school for a few things and have never followed through in those career paths. Here I am finally really wanting to do what I went to school for last year and its just not happening.

As some of you know, I had two jobs in September, quit both out of panic and things that were said and by being totally overwhelmed with it all. I went back about a month later to apologize and to ask for the one job back. I was told no...but that they (being one person actually) would like to see some sort of "commitment" from me, either through volunteering or through another job. So I got myself another job. One that I have been working at here and there, one that I don't have a heart for and one that I dislike very much!!! I've only kept on with it to prove that I can be commited!! So a couple of weeks ago I called this "person", telling them that I was still interested in the opportunity to work at this place...I had to leave a message, but she did call back. She said that I had to reapply and that I would be considered for the next round of hiring. So today I dropped off my application. She brought me into her office, sat down and said...
"I won't deny anyone the right to put in and application...but to tell you the truth, your chances of being hired here are slim to none. First impressions are everything and your's wasn't that great. You called in sick for your orientation here when actually you were doing your orientation at the hospital"...
I said that I quit there before I started at the hospital...which was true!!! She said...
"Well I'm not going to argue with you!" So I explained that I made my decisions out of haste, that I went about it the wrong way, but that I was overwhelmed with it all and felt like my only option was to quit, rather than maybe telling them that I was overwhelmed by everything and needed a few days to think. She said...
"I hope you're honest with your next employer". I just felt my heart sinking and my face getting hot. I really wanted to argue my point...but I just couldn't. I didn't want to start bawling while I was there...I didn't want her to know that she got to me!

For her to talk about "honesty" was a joke. Here she tells me that she wants to see some sort of commitment from me, so thats what I do. She later says that I should reapply and WILL BE considered for the next round of hiring...so thats what I do. Then turns around and slaps me in the face to tell me that I won't be hired on there because of my "first impression"!!!! This person doesn't have many fans...and honestly I was giving her the benefit of the doubt...but today I saw it...and frankly, what people have said is true. I mean, its not like I did anything wrong to anybody there!!! I didn't hurt anyone, I didn't say anything, no lives were in danger...it had nothing to do with anyone...just me! The one career path that I want to persue...doesn't seem to be going the way I had planned! I am at my witts end! I don't get it. I don't want to hear that God has something "better" for me...cause right now, I don't really believe it! This is the only seniors facility in our town...there's the hospital...which I won't go back to because that just didn't work for me. Home support is another option...but I don't think anyone has been hired there since last June!!! This town is just too small...no second chances seem to be given to anyone. I could go on...but I won't.

So right now I feel defeated and deflated. I don't know what else to do. I'm frustrated and sad.

Another thing...this person lives down the street from me, her kids go to the daycare next door to me and her son and my son are in the same grade in the same school...thankfully not in the same class.

I just ask you all to pray for me. I don't have much hope these days. J's job sucks the big one...I won't even get into the latest crap going on around there. He's applied for a couple of jobs on the island...may start looking places other than there yet. For us these days...especially his job...its not about the money...its about being "somewhat" happy in your job...being respected and valued. We are not happy out here and its really starting to take a toll on our family and our marriage...we need to get out of here. I know most people don't get it...but I'm not about to explain it either. I just want to get back to being me and not have constant reminders of how bad things have gotten at every turn I make!

2009-03-25T00:23:00.000-07:00

My SIL has lost a friend. He was one of the canadian soldiers who died over the past week. I personally don't know anyone who is fighting out there. I can only imagine what their family's have to go through. I won't talk about my thoughts on this war. I hear about those who have fallen and for a moment think about them...then carry on with my life. It just touched me tonight to read her blog...it made me think for more than just a moment the sacrifice that they are making...whether we support or don't support the war...we need to support them and their families through these tough times, even if we don't know any of them personally...we can still life them up in prayer. I just thought that you should check out my SIL's blog so you can read the beautiful post that she wrote about her friend.

Life as of lately...

2009-03-12T15:32:00.000-07:00

Well...hmmm...whats been going on?

In January my husband applied for a job in Victoria. We went for a mini vacation to check the island out...I tell ya, one week is not enough. We all fell in love with the place...who wouldn't? Last week we found out that J didn't get the job...disappointed? Yes...of course! Ready to give up? Heck NO!!!

I have to say that over the past month, it was a wonderful feeling to have HOPE...to be happy with the thoughts of what could be. I did my best to not get those hopes up too much...and all in all, I think I was prepared for a "no" in regards to the job...but it still hurt and it still stung, I'd be lying if I said that it didn't.

I remembered while we were out there that I used to dream of living in a place like that. When I was a kid we went to Expo 86 in Vancouver. We took a little side trip to the island as well. I don't remember much about it except for Chemainus and walking on Long Beach in Tofino. What I do remember is how much I loved it and dreamed of living in that kind of setting once I was older. I used to write letters to my cousin planning our lives so we could live together in a house on the beach (yes, I little bit of a dreamer...but hey, I was young). While we were out there, I felt such a sense of peace. Not just because its beautiful, or because I was on vacation...no. I remembered my dream of living there. I had even wrote in my yearbook in Grade 12 about moving to BC once I was older. I did move here...but this wasn't the "BC" that I was talking about. I've flip flopped over the years as to where I'd like to be...but going out there...I felt an overwhelming peace. Standing on a beach in the cool wind, waves lapping at my feet, birds flying over head, watching my kids combing the beach and not wanting to leave...that was almost paradise to me. I remembered my "dream" while I was out there. I think as I grew older, got married, had kids...I just forgot about what I had hoped for my life. "Life" gets in the way. Now that I'm actually in BC...I realize how close I am to achieving what I had wanted for so long in my life, but just forgot about. Its not the beauty of the island that makes me want to be there...well I guess it helps...but where I live now is pretty beautiful too...just in a different way. I love being near the ocean...the feeling I get there is indescribable. I think if I lived near a beach...I'd be there everyday, just walking and taking it all in. I heard once that water means "life". I believe it...just like when we are baptized, the water signifies new life in Christ.

I've been talking with an amazing woman lately and she has made me see a few things more clearly. I stopped by her house last night to drop something off and ended up staying for about three hours...just pouring my heart out to her...she truly listened to what I had to say. She explained some things to me so clearly...she made me less afraid of some things that I had doubts on before. She also said something to me that no one else has ever said...she said, "Tanya, I do not believe that you are depressed...you are sad, no depressed, there is a difference". She nailed it! I've often felt like if I was truly depressed, why do I have happy days...with NO medication? If I was depressed, I wouldn't have had the feelings of hope and joy that I had over the past month while we waited to see if J had gotten the job or not. If I was truly depressed, I wouldn't have enjoyed my time on the island. I do have some really good days! I've always wondered myself if I was really depressed...I don't think that I am either...and not just because she says that I'm not. I believe her...she is an amazing woman of God and I truly believe that He gave her those words to tell me.

I've also realized that I don't know who I am...I've lost myself to some extent. I'm no longer a "full day" mother...I'm still a full time mother, but I don't have my kids all day as they are both in school all day. I'm not doing what I went to school for, but I am doing something that isn't "me"...and I hate it. I was an at home mom for ten years, now I'm at home, but my kids aren't. I don't know exactly who TANYA is! She asked me what I enjoy doing...just for me...I honestly had to think for a while. I used to love drawing, and I really enjoyed it. I didn't do it for others, but I did it for myself. Over the past couple of years I have started to get back into it...but not in the way that I had hoped. I usually sit there with a blank page and have absolutely no idea what to do, so I give up. This friend, she said that she felt that I needed to start drawing again, doing art again...she believes that I'll start finding myself again if I do this. I think she's right. I just need to remember that I need to do it for ME, not for anyone else. Not that I won't share it, or make something for someone, but it has to be for me first and then for someone else...you know what I mean?

So, although J didn't get the job...we're still hopeful that something will happen out there...its just going to take time. There will be days that I forget all of this and will be irrational (I'm NEVER irrational...lol), but I know that God has a plan. He knows that we don't want to be here, and like my sister said, if we don't want to be here, He won't keep us here forever...and I believe that to be true. I feel the winds of change slowly starting to churn...it may take a while for them to blow us to the next place...but until then, I will wait, as patiently as I can.

WARNING!!!

2009-03-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

Well I watched a bit of "The Dr's" today and heard something pretty frightening. I guess kids are starting to drink and inhale hand sanitizer!!! They say that one little bottle, you know the purse size...well they are equivalent to four shots of vodka!!! Kids are even licking the stuff off of their hands to get the buzz. I wasn't able to watch the rest of the show which was all about the new drugs and how they come in flavors, etc. to appeal more and more to younger kids. I guess drug use is down in teens...which is good, but now they've decided to make them more appealing to them in order for that statistic to go up! Sick and scary. I'm thankful...sooooo thankful that my girl has her head screwed on pretty straight. I told her about this and she couldn't believe it!!! She's only 11, but we've started to talk about these things...I try not to hide too much from her...she needs to hear these things. She is a mature girl who I think will stand her ground as she gets older...atleast that is my hope and my prayer!

Well thats it for now...I'll post more about whats been happening around here another time.

2009-02-17T23:58:00.000-08:00

Boredom!
USING ONLY ONE WORD! It's not as easy as you might think! It's really hard to only use one word answers.....

1.Your Cell phone? Black.

2. Your significant other? Sleeping.

3. Your hair? Blah.

4. Your mother? Sweet.

5. Your father? Funny.

6. Your favorite thing? Family.

7. Your dream last night? Unmemorable.

8. Your favorite drink? Chai.

9. Your dream/goal? Leave.

10. What room you are in? Basement.

11. Your hobby? Draw.

12. Your fear? Staying.

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Island.

14. Where were you last night? Bed.

15. Your heart? Thankful.

16. Muffins? mmmm.

17. Wish list item? Moving.

18. Where you grew up? Saskatoon.

19. Last thing you did? Sighed.

20. What are you wearing? Clothes.

21. Your TV? Off.

22. Your pets? Hairy.

23. Friends? Cherished.

24. Your life? Stagnant.

25. Your mood? Hopeful.

26. Missing someone? Always.

27. Car? Someday.

28. Something you're not wearing? Shoes.

29. Your favorite store? Many.

30. Your favorite color? Blue.

31. Your motto? Today.

32. Something you say all the time? Frig.

33. When is the last time you laughed? Tonight.

34. Last time you cried? Today.

35. Who will resend this? Whomever.

36. One place that I go to over and over? Past.

37. One person who emails me regularly? Lorie.

38. Favorite place to eat? Montana's.

39. Why you participated in this survey? Bored.

40. What are you doing tonight? Nothing.

2009-02-11T08:17:00.001-08:00

I have so much to say and share...but for now I'm going to keep about 99% of it under wraps for a bit...I'll share when the time is right, but for now...

Me: Syd, look what the dog did to your underwear (the 'puppy', who is 8mths old has a thang for underwear and chewed the crotch...yes gross...out of my daughters underwear).

Syd: Oh my...Bailey!!!!!

Ro: Now you can stick your pee pee through it!

Syd: (has look of disbelief and utter shock with a smile)

Me: Uh, Ro, girls don't have 'pee pees'

Ro: What??????!!!!!!! How do you go pee then????? (more of shocked look than his sister)

Me: Well we have a 'pee pee' but it doesn't stick out like boys' do...thats what makes a boy a boy and a girl a girl (thats all THAT kid needs for details at this time)

Syd: (basically rolling on the floor laughing)

Then amongst Syd and myself's hysterical laughter we over hear Ro talking to us, or maybe to himself

Ro: Well mine sticks out...that sooo rocks!!!

Oh my...that kid! I had to phone my husband right away to tell him. I think it was the funniest thing that I've heard in a long time. Just so you know...I'm not too concerned about the "appropriate" names for things right now with my six year old...he'll know soon enough!!!

Just thought I'd share...I think its funnier than the bra story!

I think I'd need to do A LOT of haircuts...

2009-01-18T13:45:00.000-08:00

I'm in the need for a new pair of haircutting shears (they are called shears, not scissors...not that it matters). So I googled "haircutting shears"...and the first website I went to had these fine pair. Ya...they're even on sale! For a great deal I might add...$1299! But you get free shipping, so whose complaining;)

Right now...

2009-01-18T13:00:00.000-08:00

Hey. So here I sit...early sunday afternoon and I just went through the messages on our phone...turns out the stupid ringer has been turned off all weekend so I missed a few!! I was suppose to work yesterday (saturday) but called in on friday early evening to say that I couldn't. I had been dealing with a horrible "time of the month" all week...one of the worst on record...and especially bad since I haven't had it for six months!!!! I just wasn't feeling up to working all day, 12 hours on a saturday. I had had plans to get a bunch of stuff done during the week...but due to my six month visitor...I was basically housebound and living in the bathroom for a couple of days...FUN!!!! I am thankful though that I finally got it though...not for any particular reasons...I'm just glad when I get it cause it makes me feel normal!

So today while I was listening to my messages. My work called like three times after I had called them...one time was because they got me mixed up with someone else, the next telling me that they couldn't fill my shift and that I would HAVE to come in and the next saying that someone was able to cover it. I know that I shouldn't let it bother me...its a done deal, its over with, today is a new day...but it does bother me!!! I mean what if I was super duper sick or something and they couldn't find someone to cover my shift...they'd expect me to still come to work???? I tell ya, I dread my job...I absolutely hate the twelve hours. I know I shouldn't complain...I should be thankful that I do have a job...but really. I've never called in sick before or not worked my shifts...and yet when I don't come in for the first time ever...they expect me to anyways, no matter how I feel!!! It just frustrates me to no end! I'm glad that someone covered my shift...cause had I not called them back because the ringer was shut off...that would have looked really bad!!! I don't mind the twelve hour night shift so much...but a day shift...on a saturday...that is my entire day...gone!!! I know, I need to do my part as well...I'm just saying that I don't love it...thats all.

On to better news...finally! We are taking a trip (which I have yet to inform my boss of...oops!). This friday we're heading to Vancouver Island! We're taking the Ferry overnight and will be there on saturday! I cannot wait! I'm excited and nervous all at the same time! Jason and the kids have never been to the island and I haven't been there since I went to Expo 86...so really, I don't remember much about it at all. We're planning on being there for a few days...no agenda. We're just going to fly by the seat of our pants and do whatever we feel like doing. Of course we'll take in a few "attractions"...maybe do a bit of shopping...but really not much if I can help it. I just want to "see" the island...to explore as much as I can. I'm sure summer is the best time to go...but we need to get away from here for a while. We haven't left this area since July...that is too long to not go anywhere for me!! We are also hoping to make a few "connections" as far as a job for Jason goes...so you can pray for that if you feel led to do so. The kids are excited too. I'm just hoping that we don't all end up sea sick...but I will have lots of Gravol in hand...just in case.

I have a class tomorrow in regards to work, then I work on tuesday and thursday night (yes...I won't have much sleep on friday) so wednesday is basically my only day to do most of the packing and such.

Well thats about it...I hope you're all well!

Life...

2009-01-03T00:39:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas was pretty good. We got our kids a Wii as their "main" gift. I had full intentions of not going overboard with "things"...but I did. In some ways I regret it...but there's always next year to hold back a little or a lot depending on things.

I missed spending time with family...thats what is so hard about Christmas. Its time for family and when you don't have any around...it gets to be quite lonely. Thankfully we have eachother (the four of us).

We've recieved a ton of snow in the past week and a bit. Its been quite nice.

I'm not lovin my job. I'm realizing that I hate the day shift and twelve hour shifts really mess me up. Its been really slow lately. At one point there were no women in the house at all. I worked christmas day night and there was only one lady staying there. I don't mind the night shift...I can do my own thing and watch TV if I choose to. I have some work to do...but not a lot! The day shift I find harder, especially if there is no one in the house and no other staff around. I worked the other day and read 300 pages of a 400 page book. I came home and finished the book! Crazy! Ya, its easy money...but its boring. I feel for these women...but I don't know what to say to them. I find it frustrating when you here that they get themselves into the same situations time and time again...over and over. I know its a cycle...and I know its hard to get out of abusive situations. Its just not what I thought it would be...my heart is not in it unfortunately. I'm also not working that much anyways. I'm finding being on call very difficult. If I'm asked to take a shift for a day down the road, no problem...but getting asked to take a shift the next day I really can't stand. I've applied for a part time position...but we'll see what happens. If I don't get it, then I may just reapply at the seniors place out here. Ya, I'm still on call, but they're eight hour shifts and they usually ask you in advance and give you a "set" of shifts. Who knows if they'll even have me back. I had gone and asked them for my job back before I got my current job and they said no...not at that time. They wanted to see me prove my commitment either through another job or by volunteering. Well I have another job now...so we'll see. I dunno.

There's a lot on my mind these days...so much that I'd love to share, but know that I can't. There would be too much judgement and opinions thrown my way that I'd want to run and hide. Just something else that I need to get through without the whole world knowing.

Well once again...an upbeat post! haha!

I hope you all have a wonderful 2009!

Kids say and do the darndest things!

2008-12-23T04:41:00.000-08:00

Can't sleep...thought I'd share a little something with you.

The other day I was watching "What Not to Wear". My son just so happened to be in the room as well. The poor lady on the show needed some help in the "girls" area. So they took her for a bra fitting. Now Rowyn has seen me in my bra...there is no secret that I need one. I casually said to him..."aren't you glad you don't need a bra?" Jokingly of course. He turns to me and says, "but you do, and Sydney does, and so does dad!" Ahhhhh! I had to laugh, and so did he...he gets me all the time. So today the Summer Sears catalogue arrived (can you believe it?...I don't know why, but every year it still surprises me that they put it out before Christmas). Jason had mentioned to Rowyn that he should find the big screen TV's in it. Rowyn later on gives the catalogue to Jason telling him that he "bookmarked" the TV pages for him. Jason open's it up only to find that Rowyn has bookmarked the bra section for him! Hahahaha! Just thought I'd share that with you all. We had a good laugh over it...and NO, my husband does not need a bra! Kids hey?

One Solitary Life

2008-12-17T16:05:00.000-08:00

A friend sent this to me, I'd like to share it with you...

If you are of the Christian faith...you're about to experience something beautiful!

One Solitary Life was written by James Francis in 1926. In 248 words he captured the essence of how the life of Christ has made a powerful difference for over 2000 years.

Therefore, to celebrate His birth this Christmas season, just click here to watch this 3 minute movie. If you're inspired please forward this email to a friend. They will thank you!

Here's hoping that you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!

2008-12-09T22:52:00.000-08:00

Well it getting close to Christmas. Once again I have mixed feelings. I'm excited to see my kids faces when they open their gifts...but I'm bummed because I will not be spending it with any of my extended family:( I won't go on about how much I hate that...cause really, I'm sure you can all understand my feelings and frustration!

Work is blah, blah, blah! I'm on call so I don't get scheduled shifts for the most part. I get called when someone calls in sick, or takes a day off, or whatever. I haven't worked in over two weeks! Frustrating? Yes, very much so! I guess I can be thankful though. J's been working ALOT of over time over the past two weeks, so that more than makes up for the $ in regards to what I'm not making. I've applied for a temporary part time position. So far I'm the only one who applied...if I don't get it...I think I may just lose my mind! There was a permanent full-time position available...but I didn't want it. Alot of people just don't understand why I don't want to work full time. It drives me nutts! I have a life! I don't need to work full time...nor do I want to! I'm not in it to make big bucks...I'm in it to occupy my time and for a bit of extra $ to pay some debt down. If I worked full time I'd work 2 on, 2 off, 2 on, 3 off, etc. With 12 hr shifts...I'd be going nutts. Now I know that other people do it, and thats fine. If I ever become a nurse, I know I'll have to do it too. But right now, I don't want to. I have NO family out here...so my kids would spend alot of time alone, and its just not worth it! Sure I have friends who could help me out...but really...I don't want that either. I'm happy with part time...I'm just not happy with nothing at all!!! Oh well...like I said, J's been working alot of OT, so I'm kind of glad that I'm not working because the kids wouldn't see either one of us if I was on days...and thats not good! If I don't get the PT position, then after Christmas break is over, I'm looking elsewhere. I mean this isn't a huge community...there aren't many options left for me in regards to doing something that somewhat relates to what I went to school for. Home Support is still an option. I did apply there, but they haven't hired anyone since June (my friend works there, thats how I know). So I dunno. I may apply again at the home that I quit at in Sept...but deep down I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm finally feeling better, so I try to just keep that out of my mind for now. I seriously think that I had a nervous breakdown after those two jobs didn't work out for me. I mean they did work out...but I didn't work out at that point in time. I still think about it all...woulda, coulda, shoulda...but for the most part I feel much better. I'm not sure why it all happened the way that it did, and why I couldn't handle it...but obviously there was something deeper going on...something that I'm still not sure about, and may never figure out. I just know that I don't want to got "back there" ever again...it was one of the loneliest and horrible experiences of my life! I know most people don't "get it" and some may think that it was all drama and me just not wanting to work...well those people can just shove it! What I went through was real, and I hope that no one ever has to go through it as well. I know that it all started with a bad experience and then led to a full on pannick attack, followed by more and some very irrational uncontrollable thinking...at one point I was ready to go to the ER for some sort of sedative or something...but I didn't. After alot of sleeping and praying...I finally feel like I've come out of it. I just feel that I really need to move on...not just from that...but from here in general. I have gone through some of the most horrible things out here (things that many of you don't know about, and never will)...things that I will not mention...and ever corner that I turn seems to bring me back to something that I'd rather forget. I know...WHATEVER Tanya! For me though, its real, its my reality...and I'm the only one that can change it. I am better...but I just want a fresh start, a clean slate, a new beginning! I know I may sound like a drama queen...but its all true!

I think my whole family is ready for a new beginning. I don't know where we'll end up...as in my last post I said we'd like to go back to Saskatoon. That is a definite plan...but we've also discussed Victoria again as well. I know there are no guarantees that either will turn out...but both have the "things" we're looking for in one shape or another, and both have negatives as well. I'm just trying to not think about it too much until the Christmas season is over with.

I finally got my tree up yesterday...its so purdy. I feel a bit less "homesick" now that its up. I just hate taking it all down, not because I want to keep it up...but what fun is it to take it down? Its more like work to do that!

Well once again...not the happiest post...but this is where I'm at in this moment. I hope you're all doing well and are getting excited for Christmas and what it all has to bring. Just remember...JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!

Some pictures of Saskatoon!

2008-11-20T01:56:00.000-08:00

Here are a few pictures of the place I love so much but didn't realize until I had to leave for a few years. There is nothing like a good Hoar frost to make Saskatoon a winter wonderland. I didn't take these pictures but a friend of mine did...I just stole them from her Flickr site :) I'm really wishing that I could go home for christmas this year...but unfortunately we can't. We have only been "home" for christmas once since we moved out here. I think this time of year is especially hard for all of us...we will not be seeing any family this christmas...it makes it a very hard time of the year to get through. I honestly don't feel like christmas is even here yet and its just around the corner. Christmas is about love...the love of Jesus our Lord and Savior and the love of family...which thankfully is always there, even if the miles between us are many.

So so...

2008-11-20T00:19:00.000-08:00

Well I don't know if I have much to say...nothing much exciting is going on in my life these days.

I worked my first shift last night on my own...it went well...pretty uneventful. The job is ok...all I can say for now is that its a job...its not really what I had hoped it to be...oh well. I'm not sure as to how much I'll be working, I would like to be working a bit more than I am, not sure what to do or think about that.

I think we've decided that its time to move home. We've flip flopped on living as far away as Ontario all the way to the island. I think that its time to go back home. There are so many things that I have not yet seen in BC...but I can always come back for a visit. I miss my family...I miss my friends. I miss so much of my former life out there. Sure we were struggling financially (thats why we made such a big move out here...just to get ahead) but I was much happier there. I love Saskatoon and the area that surrounds it. I don't think I can say one bad thing about it (although some would say its flat and has no mountains...I say there is beauty in that too...just in a different way). Some may say its small...but its not really...it has everything anyone would ever need. I always thought we wouldn't be able to move back because of house prices...but those seem to be coming down as of late. Plus anywhere else that I look in the country, house prices seem to be the same or more. I miss sunday dinner at my parents. I miss friday nights with our best friends! I miss the meewasin trail and toboganning on pest hill or Diefenbaker park! I miss the Bessborough hotel skating rink...oh how I love that place! More and more I've come to the realization that "home" is Saskatoon and it always will be. Now before people start thinking that we're moving...hold your horses. We're not...atleast not at this moment. J and I have just been talking and we both feel that we're being pulled to go back there. First and foremost we need to find jobs, mainly J as he is the main "breadwinner" lol! I think I could find one fairly fast so I'm not really worried about me. He on the other hand has a more specific job...so they aren't in as high demand as my line of work. We also need to get things done around here...we almost have the upstairs finished...and that is our main goal. We had hoped to replace our deck before winter came...but it didn't happen. There's just so much I miss about home. Its exciting for me to think that hopefully by summer I will be back there. Its just the waiting and finding "the job" and selling the house that has me nervous! I have enjoyed BC and will continue to enjoy it...but I know that it has not been the best for my "mental state"...especially the past two years. I'm tired of feeling down in the dumps more than I feel up in the air...know what I mean? It has nothing to do with people or "things"...its just where I'm at. I'm so tired of the constant grey skies and the rain and slush. I'd give anything for a good old snot freezing -30 sunny saskatchewan day! Seriously! (I told you there was something wrong with my mental state...haha). I've just realized that we had it pretty good...and we moved out here for a "time" and I feel that time is coming to an end. I need my family close by...I need my best friends back where I can see and touch and talk to them in person...I need my happiness back. So as I wait patiently for the day to come...I will sit back and enjoy the time I have left here. Who knows...it may be longer that I hope or plan on...but now that I know where we want to be...I can finally relax a little.

The Job

2008-11-10T20:21:00.000-08:00

I got the job! Woo Hoo!!! I start on wednesday! I have no idea what to wear! My "boss" said not to wear anything that I don't want to ruin...so I think I may just be bringing my scrub tops with me to work...only because I'll be working with bleach alot...so I don't care if they get a little on them...I guess we'll see. I'm pretty excited to see where this job is going to take me...I guess time will tell. Thankyou to everyone who has been praying for me and supporting me over the past couple of months. I appreciate it more than I can say!

Today so far...

2008-11-06T11:56:00.000-08:00

Well I had an interview today. Not for the job I applied for in my last post...that one I don't think I'll even get an interview for because its with the school district as a teacher's assistant and it goes by seniority...I've never ever applied before and there are alot of people that have worked casually over the years as teacher's assistants that would get first dibs before I would even be considered...oh well...tis life.

I was interviewed today as a support worker at our local women's shelter. I think the interview went quite well even though it was about an hour long! Very casual and laid back though for the most part. I think if I do get the job...it will be a very rewarding job even though I know it will be very emotional at times too. I think it will definitely be an eye opening experience thats for sure. I'm very thankful to have not had any abuse in my family or my relationships...I haven't seen "abuse" that much...but I can only imagine what one goes through...both men and women. I'll know by maybe tomorrow...or for sure by wednesday if I got it (wednesday because of tuesday being a holiday...so people are taking off monday as well). At first I'd be casual...but if I got on permanently then I would be able to take some more training for the job in Vancouver! So that would be nice...maybe this is the direction I should be going in as far as a career...we'll see. I think I'll enjoy it more than working in a home for the simple fact that I can talk with the women and be a listening ear/sounding board without the guilt of having to get to the next person asap like you do in a seniors home. While I was in school...we were told that in the seniors home...we are for the most part their family because alot of them don't have family near by, or none at all...but really, we never got the time to visit with them much...so many times I would have a resident wanting to just vent or wanting to just talk...and I couldn't because I had so many other things to do...it bothered me to tell them that I had to go when I knew that all they wanted to do was just visit for a while because they were lonely. I have to say that is one of the things I disliked the most about working there...just not having the time to actually "CARE". Sure I washed them up, changed them, made sure they were fed...that they had all their physical needs...but I couldn't be there for them emotionally and I hated that. So I'm thinking that this may be more my thing...I guess we'll see, I have to get the job first!

So now I wait...

Happy Birthday Sydney!!!

2008-11-04T11:41:00.000-08:00

Well the time has come to celebrate my one and only daughter's birthday! She turns 11 years old today! How the time has flown by as if I've been standing still. I can remember being pregnant with her quite well. I remember the day before she was born...being at the Gynecologist because I had low amniotic fluid and was having an ultrasound and being asked "how does tomorrow sound" to be induced. I had her the next day...11 days early, but 8lbs 1oz!

I can't believe that she is now 11! I'm so proud of her. She's my pride and joy. Sure we have our moments of not getting along and butting heads...there seems to be more of that lately as she is maturing into a young woman, but I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world.

So Sydney...just know that mom and dad love you so much...your little brother even loves you a lot too! (remember he said that he was going to be nice to you on your birthday!) We wish you all the best! Have a great day!!!

2008-11-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

Wow! Three comments just due to the fact I changed my template!!! I think we're going for a record in the comments section! Woo hoo!

I've noticed that my blog has been pretty much a ginormous downer as of late...I think I'm going to have to change that asap!

I'm applying for a job that would be perfect for my entire family today...wish me luck and send up a prayer if you think of it. In all seriousness...it would be the perfect job...perfect hours...really good pay...weekends off. Ya...but we'll see, I'm not getting my hopes up...just wishing and praying for the best!

2008-11-03T12:59:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd change things up around here for fall...even though fall has been around for quite some time now. I hope everyone is doing well!

2008-10-24T01:11:00.000-07:00

Ok...I was browsing some blogs just now and came upon a friends friend's blog who is a photographer...she mentioned some about a site called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep or NILMDTS What an amazing thing for people to do! Its nice to know that there are people out there that think of others in their times of grief like this and care enough to make something positive out of it in some small way. Check it out Warning...you will cry.

Resting...

2008-10-24T00:47:00.000-07:00

Ok...I was reading a few blogs tonight and one of my blogger buddies mentioned how she had gone for a walk in the woods...just her and God...she didn't even bring along her camera to take pics. While she was explaining some of her time with Him...she said..."it is always ok to just crawl into Daddy's lap and rest". I just burst into tears when I read that!! Lately I have been so tired...not just physically...but emotionally. When I'm like this I tend to think the worst about everything...and I mean everything. I'm trying so hard to just rely on God, to trust in God...but somedays its just so hard. I know that He is there...but I try so hard to fix things or to do things on my own. I think I need to do more resting in His arms than I need to do resting in my own bed!! Do you know what I mean? He is the only one who is going to get me through this...my timing is obviously not his timing. I have been such a wreck since I quit those jobs...but I know that those jobs don't define who I am! I haven't stopped thinking about them...I don't think a day goes by that that moment in my life is not replaying itself over and over in my head. I'm realizing though that its ok to have down times...times where you just need to take a break from everything and everyone...those that care will understand...those that don't...well, whatever!! I don't like to be such a downer...so when I realize that I am being one...I tend to hide out for a while...cause I just get tired of it all. Thankfully God never tires of hearing us call out for His help! For that I am grateful. So for now, I will rest in His arms...and when the time is right...I will be ready to get a move on!

2008-10-19T23:44:00.000-07:00

This song expresses so much of how I feel alot of the time...wish I could post a video for it...but there is none...

Against the Grain
You need not, to climb mountaintops
You need not, to cross the sea
You need not, to find a cure
for everything that makes you weak.

You need not to reach for the stars,
when life becomes so dark
and when the wind
does blow against the grain
you must follow your heart
you must follow your heart

when all your friends
have come and gone
and the sun no longer shines
and the happiness for which you long
is washed away, like an oceans tide
when all the hard times, outweigh the good
and all your words are misunderstood

when the day seems lost from the stars
you must follow your heart
you must follow your heart

If you feel, you paid the price
and your wounds should cease to heal
and everything you love in life,
spins like a winding wheel
if you should wake, to find you're abandoned.
and the road you travel, leads to a dead end

when death creeps in, to play it's part.
you must follow your heart
you must follow your heart

A Big Honkin Vent!!!! Kinda

2008-09-24T21:56:00.000-07:00

Well here I sit...wishing I was where this pic was taken...at the ocean near Rupert on sunday. My husband, myself and my kids went there for the day...it was good to get away...it was nice to not think about the past two weeks for a while.

The past two week...what a literal night mare for me. I have messed up once again and I don't know how I'm suppose to make myself feel any better. I've prayed, but yet I don't know what to pray for...do you know what I mean? I know others have been praying for me...I appreciate that. I just feel lost...hopeless...stuck. As you know (whoever reads this) I had a job at the hospital. Well it didn't seem like it was going to happen. I talked to one person...then another...but could never get any answers. So I went elsewhere, to the local seniors residence where I had done my practicums for my course. I got hired on the spot. I was very happy. But...during my "chat" with the person that hired me...some stuff came up that I had supposively done while I was a student...things that others had said I had done...things that weren't true...yet I had to sit there and explain myself. I felt sick. So as the days went by...these "things" kept eating at me, day after day...making me feel sicker and sicker. Well on my first day orientating at my new job...the hospital called...of course!!! So then I felt overwhelmed like you wouldn't believe. I had two jobs now. I felt like I had to choose. These "things" were bothering me so much that I talked to someone at work about them...this person was the "shop steward"...the go to person when you have a problem with management. She was livid that these "things" were even said to me. She said that if they were such an issue that they should have been brought to my attention while I was a student...not now, two months later. She suggested that if I had a job at the hospital...that I should take it and not stay at the one job. She has even taken it to the union rep! Seriously!! So thats what I did. Well...I felt better after I left there...knowing that I had another job and that I didn't have to have those "things" eating away at me any longer. I started at the hospital. Well...the first day was ok...I felt so lost...it was so different than I had imagined...plus the twelve hours on my feet compared to eight...was brutal. The next day I went again and realized that this was not for me...I came home and hid in my room and bawled my head off. I had even called where I had quit to ask for my job back. I was a mess. I went back again the next day to the hospital (I had four days of orientation)...had an emotional breakdown...talked with the lady that was training me...she told me to just take it easy...I took a break. Worked for another hour or two and lost it again. I just couldn't keep it together. My heart was pounding so hard that entire morning...I couldn't stop crying. I was pulled into my bosses office...he sent me home. He also said that it was ok...that working there wasn't for everyone...and that thats ok!!! He told me to think about it...and to give him a call. I thought about it for a couple of days. I knew deep down in my heart that I couldn't mentally handle that job right now...and phyically too....not twelve hours. So I gave up that job too. Now its been a week since I've worked anywhere. I'm still not feeling any better about anything. My heart is still pounding...I'm still crying. My mind won't stop racing with thoughts. I really wish that the hospital would've called sooner...I wouldn't have applied at the other place until I knew that I didn't like the hospital. I wish those "things" were never said...cause they made me feel awful...they were things that I never would do...and for that to be said about me hurt!!!!! Even if it was just gossip! So here I sit...wondering if I'm even in the right mental state to be working at all. I've thought about going back to the place where the "things" were said...but then all the negative stuff about working there stops me. I KNOW that no job is ever going to be perfect. I know that. I know that I'm good at what I do...but I feel that my confidence in myself has been shattered. I know that I don't have to work...but deep down I feel that I should. I know that I have the option of doing homesupport instead(its alot less stress than working in a facility...you're basically one on one with your client and you don't have someone watching you all the time, waiting for you to mess up...that appeals to me)...but I'm afraid that I will fail at that as well. I know that I have alot of stuff do in my house...it needs to get done. Thats kind of what my husband and I have agreed on. That I don't have to work right now...I have my entire life to work. This house is holding us back and we'd really like to move on in our lives...we really want to move from here (I have for two years already) and neither of us feels like working on it when we have to work regular jobs. I'm trying to accept the fact that its ok that I don't work...that working on the house is a good thing (even though the pay sucks) that maybe this is what I'm suppose to do. But then I start thinking about working outside of the home again...thinking about what if we don't move...what if Jason doesn't find a job somewhere else...what then? Do I ask for my job back? I just dont' feel content or assured in any of my decisions! I hate it! Why am I so indecisive? I don't understand. Why do I feel like the best place for me is in the looney bin? I honestly sit here and think about all the money I could be making...I don't want my job to be about just the money! I think thats one of the reasons that I feel so much pressure to work...its because I could be making pretty good money at what I do. I'm not saying that we don't need it...cause we do...but is it worth all of this? I just wish that God would knock me on the head and tell me exactly what to do! I'm tired of making rash and hasty decisions. I'm tired of being emotional about everything. I'm tired of caring so much about what others think...especially about me. I'm tired of being so sensitive that it makes me miserable. I'm tired of being sad.

I do plan on working sometime in the near future. If we move...I have every intention of working once we are settled. This house has been hanging over our heads for over three years now. It has taken alot of joy out of my life...and unfortunately I've let it. So I don't know. I really want to get it done. I can do that...well most of it myself. But I honestly don't know that it will happen if I start working. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I hate this. This is how my thoughts go all day long. I don't understand why all this has happened...I know there is some larger to all of this...I just wish I knew which direction I was suppose to go to get happy again!

I know that I'm hard on myself. I've just done this too many times in my life. I get scared or hurt or upset or overwhelmed and I run. I don't know why...I wish I did cause I would definitely do whatever I had to to change it all. I need to figure myself out. Right now though...I know that I need to take care of ME...cause if Mama ain't happy...nobody's happy! I can honestly say that if I do work...I'm leaning towards homesupport. I always thought that I wouldn't like it...just for the fact that you may find yourself in an unsafe situation. Well I'll tell ya...working in the facility...you can find yourself in the same thing...sometimes even worse....seriously! Homesupport is less money...but I am on my own...like I said, no one waiting or watching for me to mess up...its kind of like glorified babysitting I guess you could say. Babysitting...I did that for many years after we got married...that is the only job that I have been able to stick to for a long period of time...hmmm...definitely something to think about.

If you feel that you can...please pray for me! Thanks.

I can't come up with good title's for my posts anymore...

2008-08-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

Well the time has come for a bit of an update I think! It feels like forever since my last post and so much seems to have happened since then.

As you know, our cat died. Well a week after she left, I...on a whim may I add...bought a puppy. I have to admit that I didn't think it through a whole lot...and I wasn't trying to replace the cat...we had talked about getting a puppy in the fall for the kids b'days...but all of a sudden there was one for sale, and I knew that I had to get her. She is sooo sweet, yet a little terd disturber all the same, LOL! Seriously...it has helped us all alot and we love her so much. She's a mutt, but a cute mutt at that. She's a pom/terrier plus a bit more terrier, plus whatever else is thrown in there. She looks terrier though. Most people as what kind of terrier she is...I don't know...her own unique self!! We named her Bailey...I like to call her Bailey Ray Cyrus (yes, Hanna Montana has some influence in this house...haha). She's a fiesty little girl, but is very cuddly, which we all enjoy. She sleeps with Syd and thats a good thing. As I said in my previous post, Rosy our cat slept with Syd all the time...now Syd has a new friend to cuddle with at night. Our big dog Koby doesn't care for her much yet, hopefully they'll grow to be friends.

I've also been offered a job at the hospital here. Its just on a casul basis, which is alright since I still have two kids to look after, and who still need me some of the time. I haven't started yet...its been kind of frustrating. The hiring process is a bit different for this kind of position as the hospital people don't check your references and stuff...they get a seperate company to do that...plus police checks too. So I'm not sure why its taking so long to start...but I'm enjoying my free time as much as possible right now. It'll be twelve hour shifts 7am-7pm...so that makes for a long day, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. If I happen to get on full time at some point, it'll be four days on, five days off...so thats actually really nice. I'm excited, yet nervouse all the same.

Jason's parents were here for a week. They've been RV hauling since early spring. What they do is go to the manufacturer of the RV...usually in Indiana...but this time they had to go to Oregon and then deliver the RV to the dealership here where we live. So we had a good visit with them. We got some fishing done as well. The first couple days were unsuccessful in us keeping any...but they were able to catch quite a few steelhead, but because of declining numbers, you're no longer allowed to keep them. BTW...a steelhead for those of you who don't know is a trout that has gone out to the ocean and has come back to spawn in fresh water streams and rivers. On their last day fishing, Jason caught to Coho salmon in his first hour of fishing, Rowyn reeled in two as well and J's parents caught three. So needless to say, we have a few fish in the freezer and so will J's parents! I think all together 9 coho were caught as well as two pinks! Thats the most success we've ever had! Its kinda nice! Of course it happens the year that I don't get my fishing license! Oh well...I'll eat them just the same!

Our reno's are slowly but surely coming along. Atleast our new tub is usable and the shower is installed but the back ring of the tap needs to be installed. I was soaking in the tub today and when I tried to get out, I slipped and smashed the side of my face on my newly tiled wall and wrenched my neck and hit my shoulder...my lower back must of gotten twisted as well. I bawled like a baby I tell ya...J had to come and help me get out of the tub. I think I cried more out of shock than anything. What a way to break in the new tub!! So I'm eagerly awaiting to see if I will have any bruises. My cheekbone looks a bit more prominent than before...just need the other one to look the same and I'll have some very nice bone structure...lol!

Thats about it I guess! Ciao!

This week....

2008-07-26T00:34:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone (if there is indeed anyone reading this anymore). Well I'm bummed out. Things just aren't fun as of late. In my last post I was hoping for a job...well I didn't get it. Not sure why...but thats the nature of the business I guess. I was told that I wasn't chosen "this time around"...so maybe the next round will be my time...where I applied they are adding on so they will be hiring more staff. Only two of my classmates are working there...actually three, but the one was working there before we started school, so she just switched positions. I also only know of two others in my class that are working in Home Support. I may apply and try that out...its really not my first, or second choice...but I do want to work and not lose my skills. I still haven't heard from the hospital...I will give them a call this coming week. Just kind of frustrated. I thought for sure that I'd have a job...not to be or sound cocky...but I really thought that more than four people out of my class would be employed by now. Oh well, life has kind of been crazy for me the past month anyways.

My sister and her family were here for a few days...it was good, but I felt so bad cause my bathrooms still weren't done and I honestly wasn't the best host. Atleast my sister loves me...whether I'm prepared or not:) We then headed to Edmonton for a couple of days. It was fun, but crazy and busy. We were able to see Jason's brother and his family and his parents before we came home. While we were out there my dear neighbor housesat for us. She texted me that my one cat Rosy seemed depressed and was throwing up and not eating. I didn't think much of it...just thought that she may be eating when Tamara wasn't around. Well when we got home, I could see that she wasn't doing too well. It was last friday evening that we got home, so I decided to see how she'd do over the weekend. I thought maybe once we were back that she'd start to eat again. Well she didn't. She just became weaker and more lethargic. On monday she really wasn't doing well, I gave the vet a call but couldn't get in until this past wednesday. I was going to have her put to sleep, but decided to have her checked out first. By tuesday, I changed my mind. She couldn't stand without falling, she had stopped going to the bathroom and she was drooling some nasty stuff. I changed my appt. to one that would just be putting her to sleep. It was so hard to see her this way...she was so skinny, so weak...but yet she'd still purr when you held her. I prayed that God would take her...I couldn't do anything for her. I tried to syringe feed her some chicken flavored baby food...I got some into her...but she really fought it. On tuesday...she actually peed in her bed that I made for her...I knew then...the end was close. I couldn't sleep very well that night. She woke me up with a strange cry in the middle of the night. I checked on her and just prayed that it would all end...I couldn't get back to sleep so I got up for about an hour. I went back to my room around 4:15 am. She had moved her head upwards and was taking her last breathes. Within a few minutes she was gone. I was crying so hard that I woke my husband up. Then my daughter woke up. Rosy was her best friend...she slept with her almost every night...now she was gone. She was only seven...I have NO idea what happened to her. When I had described her symptoms to my vet...they said that it could be anything from a reaction to a bug bite, to kidney failure. She wasn't an outside cat, but she did occasionally roam around our front yard...but usually not for long. She wasn't vaccinated...so I got the guilt trip from one of our vets out here...they wouldn't even see her. It was not a fun time... I just wish that I knew what happened...but I know that I will never know. I know that she was just a cat...but she was our cat, and even though she drove us all nutts at times and scared many of our friends :) she was loved and will be missed. She was our first family pet. Thankfully we still have two fur balls around to love...one more cat and a dog. I just feel sooooo bad for Syd. Every night when its time for bed...she cries...she just wants her cat there to cuddle with in bed.

I don't think that Rosy was ever a very healthy cat. She had one leg shorter than the other, had a bought with some weird skin thing about two years ago and was very Dr. jekyl/Mr. Hyde when it came to personality. She could be so loving...and then scream and hiss at you the next. One of her litter mates died from depression when they were kittens because it missed the other kittens that were sold. So she may have been sick for a long time and we just didn't know...who knows. Its just weird to not hear her around. Our other cat is very quiet except when he purrs...then he sounds like a chainsaw!

I'm now realizing that if I had been hired at our local seniors home...I would have had to start this week and I don't think I could have because I wouldn't have wanted to leave the kids alone with the cat dying and then after she was gone...it would not have been right to leave them in such distress. So i look at this all as God's timing...it always is His timing...and I'm thankful now that it all worked out the way it did. I don't love the fact that my cat died...but I am glad that she was able to pass at home and that I didn't have the guilt of having to put her to sleep.

I know this is a crazy post about my cat...I'm sorry...this just has been my week.

This weekend I should've been at a ladies retreat...but I didn't sign up in time...so now I'm here...but I have reno's...yippee...not! I'm kinda regretting not going...but I was so preoccupied this week...and I haven't been in church the past couple of weeks. Oh well.

Well I hope I didn't depress you all too much. Thanks for reading and making it to the end. I promise that my next post will be a bit more cheerful (I hope).

What's new...

2008-06-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

Well its a little late, but summer has finally arrived in this part of the world!! Today was beautiful. After not seeing the sun for about two weeks, or atleast it seemed that way, we finally had our first official first summery day of summer! We spent it on the river bank with some friends...just hanging out, fishing and playing in the sand and the water...good times!

So I am no longer a student!! Woo hoo! I am so happy to say that. I may even be employed...but I'm not sure yet. What I mean is that I had an interview last wednesday, got some "back check" papers to fill out and had my driver's license photocopied...so now I wait. One of my instructors said that if I got those papers...then I have a job. I haven't officially been offered one, so I will wait and see before I say that I do! I'm also going to give the hospital a call tomorrow to talk to a guy there. My last practicum instructor mentioned my name to him (she's and LPN and the hospital) and he wants to give him a call. So I need to get on that tomorrow. The hospital has 12 hr shifts...which I'm sure can be brutal...but the way I see it is...since I don't want to work full time...I could work one or two shifts per week, and I'd be good to go! If I get on there and at our local seniors home...I could work as much or as little as I want. Right now I'd like to work about three days a week. That's enough for me...plus I still have kids at home that need me more than they think they do. So I'm sending up some prayers and crossing a few fingers that all turns out well and in my favor.

On my last day of being a student...I had my interview and then my day was over (I had worked the last of four eight hour shifts before the interview) as I drove away from the facility I just burst into tears. I'm not sure why. I don't know if it was a release of some sort, tiredness or that I'm so happy that I'm done or that I'm scared to actually work again and make some pretty good coinage! I was like that the rest of the day. I'm a bit nervous to actually work...but I know that its something that I need to do for me, if no one else. It help keeps my mind occupied, helps me to stay focused on the task at hand and to keep my mind from thinking about all the negative things that I could dwell on, but shouldn't. Going to school has really saved me from a dark place. I am happy to say that I feel alot better than I have in the past year or two and that I have been able to ween myself off of my anti-depressants! I've been off of them for a couple of weeks already and so far so good! I'd really like to live without them...and I think that occupying myself with a job will really help.

My sister and her family are coming here in a week and a half or so...I'm so excited. I haven't seen them since last summer. I'm praying for atleast one lake day...last time they were here we didn't make it to the lake at all. They're only here for a few days and then we're all going to head to Edmonton and meet up with my parents there and do the whole mall thing for a couple of days. My parents and sister and her family well then head back to Stoon, while my family and myself will stick around the area for a few more days and visit with Jason's brother and his family and hopefully his parents as well. Then we'll come back here and back to the grind.

Jason is renovating our bathroom right now. He has taken two weeks off unpaid (eeeek!) and then has two weeks of holidays. So far things are coming along...but I don't have a shower or a tub...just a toilet in the basement along with a sink. We've been going to the local campsite for loonie showers...they're not that bad actually. We bought a repo house about three years ago and are finally able to gut the bathroom. We've only had a tub since we've moved here...not fun! The previous owners did some bizarre things to this place and we've just been trying to get it back to "normal"...our bathroom actually used to be two, so thats what we're doing...putting it back to two, instead of one. I'll try and post pics once its all completed. The bathroom's aren't going to be anything fancy...but so much better than what we've had, so I'm pretty excited!

Well thats about it for me. Its hard trying to get back into the groove of blogging...I've hardly done any since I started school. Hopefully things will pick up in this area for me...we'll see I guess.

Take care everyone! Happy Summer!

Wow...its been over a month!

2008-06-18T23:39:00.000-07:00

Well what can I say...hmmm...I'm not sure. Life is crazy busy, I just got off "work" a while ago. I have one more day left...then three off. I've worked the past six out of seven days, eight hour shifts...who knew that life could be so nutts!!! Sunday was my only day off and it wasn't enough. Thankfully today was the best day that I've had all week. Yesterday I had a nasty headache and felt just weird in my head...kinda fuzzy. The day before my back was killing me...but today, I felt great, thank goodness!! I only have five more days of being a student...woo hoo!!! Right now I'm doing my transition...its where I'm on my own, no instructor, just the help of other care aides, its to help us go from student to actual worker. So far so good. I also have some exciting news...I have an interview next wednesday. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. Its been so long since I've gotten and actual paycheck...hopefully it won't be much longer;)

Not much else is that new or exciting at the moment. I could talk about a few things...but I'm not much in the mood. I thank you all for checking back, even if there are no updates. Hopefully I'll be able to update more frequently...maybe not. I guess time will tell.

Hope all is well with everyone out there! Take care!

A bit of an update (for Jenny:)

2008-05-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well things are good. The kids are in soccer...Syd loves it...I think Rowyn does too as he talks about it all the time...but he has yet to participate...grrrr!!! He's had a practise and a game and hasn't gotten on the field yet...that kid!! Clinical is going well...I'm sooooo glad to be done with school. I work in the local care home three days a week...thurs, fri and saturday 7am-3pm...its going pretty good. I did have one day where a resident flipped out on me and swore up both sides of me for about five minutes. I was told that I should have left her (she was in a special lift for going onto the toilet as she doesn't walk) as long as the brakes were on, so she could think about how she was acting. But I didn't. I got her ready and then left the room and broke down bawling like a baby. I wasn't hurt by her comments...just more in shock I guess...just a natural reaction for me...I have never in my life been talked to the way she talked to me...oh well...its all part of the job!!

Right now my parents are here...its so nice having them around. The kids and I hadn't seen them since August and its been about a year for Jason. We've just been puttering around the house, trying to get a few things done. Syd's in heaven as grandma will play board and card games with her all the time ( I hate games...I know, I'm bad) and Rowyn is acting life a goofball and also seeing how far he can push everyone...which isn't so good! He's also learned how to ride his bike this past week without training wheels. You should see him...its like he's been riding a two wheeler for years already...going in an out of the ditches and flying down the street...you can't keep him off that bike...its almost to the point of annoying how much he loves to ride...I'm kind of glad that we're having a good rain today;)

So thats about it for me...I think we're going to head to Prince Rupert this saturday...its my grad day and I should be walking across the stage...but its an all day affair and I'd rather be spending it doing something with my family and something thats alot more fun. There's only a handful from my class that are actually going, so really, I don't feel guilty about it.

I hope you all are doing well and are enjoying spring!

Been A While!

2008-05-03T12:47:00.001-07:00

Well first off...all I have to say is PHEW!!! Glad that part is over!!! Yesterday was my last exam and my last day in a classroom!!! No more racking my brain...no more information overload...no more brain spillage because its so crammed pack of "stuff"...ahhhh...it'll be nice just go to clinical and do my thing three days a week and then enjoy my four days off...sooooo nice! A few of us went out to celebrate last night...it was alot of fun I must say. Its been nice getting to know some new people and making some new friends...a couple of them have been really supportive when times have been tough...I'm very thankful for them. I'm just so glad that I am no longer stuck in a room with over 20 women all day long...soon they were going to have to pad the walls in that room...not only for my sake, but for the sake of a few of us. I certainly won't miss the dram either!

So since I've been in school...I've been doing alot of sitting...I'm so glad that I now will have the time and the mental energy to get out and do some exercising...its been too long and its starting to show unfortunately. I've been so drained mentally and emotionally that I haven't seemed to even eat well...my poor family hasn't had many decent meals since I've started school...hopefully that'll now change!

My parents are coming down/up...whichever way you look at it. Next weekend they'll be here. I haven't seen them since August...thats just too long! Jason hasn't seen them in a year! It'll be so nice to have them around. My house is in such disarray though....so I better start tidying up and organizing so they have somewhere to sleep...cause at this moment...there is alot of stuff piled up on that spare bed!!

Well I hope all of you are doing well!!

Not Much to Say...

2008-04-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

Well actually I do...I'm so ready to be done school!!!!! Two more weeks left of "in class" school left...after May 2nd...no more books, handouts, group assignments...nothing!!! Just eight weeks of clinical three days a week!! I'm so much looking forward to just going to clinical, pretending that I'm actually working (I say pretending because its only pretend if you're not getting paid!) for eight hours a day and then coming home and not having anything thing to think about, not stressing about exams, assignments...sitting on my butt for six hours a day at school. The hard part is getting through these next two weeks!!!

Almost everyone in my class is starting to drive me nutts in one way or another...I'm so sick of being in a room with a bunch of bitchy women, me included! (I know...you're mouths are all open and in shock of me being bitchy...haha!) Everyone in the class is so stressed...some more than others...some are "working it" more than others as well, which I really can't stand and I really think is unfair. Some people always seem to have a "crisis" when it comes to crunch time...so us others have to pick up their slack...or so it seems. I could go on and on...but I won't!

I am just mentally drained. I never though it could get this bad...but it has. My brain is so full of stuff...I don't think there's anymore room for one more ounce of information to enter and stay in there!! I have three assignments due, two this week which are group projects, another next week. Three final exams to study for, a "working" resume to get ready for friday and to practice and study for my last "skills assessment" exam next week! I can't figure out if I'm coming or going!! So if I happen to talk to some of you...please excuse my lack of whatever I may be lacking...its not you...its me!! I just can't wait until May 2nd...once the morning is over I will breath a sigh of relief!!

Well thats about it...I just had to do a bit of whining...I could do alot more, trust me, but I don't want to make your ears bleed!!

Some exciting news!!

2008-04-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

Well its happened...no...not that, or that...or even that! Its better than all of those combined!!! My baby boy...who's not a baby...but I can still call him that if my mom can still call me her baby girl!! On wednesday night he accepted Jesus into his heart!!! Woo hoo!!! He is so proud of himself and so happy about it! We were reading a bible story and started talking about having Jesus live in our hearts and I asked him if he had asked Jesus to come into his heart and he said yes...I asked when did he do that...he said "yesterday?"....haha. So we prayed and he asked Jesus to come and live in his heart to forgive all his sins!! Just had to share!

2008-04-14T21:40:00.000-07:00

"Mom...my leg armpit is sore!"
"Your what?"
"My leg armpit!"
"Where exactly is your leg armpit?"
"Right here!"
"Ha ha...that is your inner thigh...you silly...but that was a good try at figuring out what to call it."

A conversation with my five year old son the other day after his cords had rubbed his "leg armpits" a little raw.

I AM ALIVE!!!

2008-04-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

Wow...its been a while. I am alive and am living on planet earth...even though some days I feel like a total space cadet!! I will post something interesting (I hope) soon! I hope you're all well!

An update...can you believe it???

2008-03-12T21:03:00.000-07:00

Well things are chuggin along in my world. Nothing major really. Well I guess one major thing is that I got to go to Vancouver for the weekend 2.5weeks ago with a friend. I basically shopped till I dropped. We flew down...hadn't been on an airplane since I was 10!!! I also hadn't been to Van City since Expo 86!!! So it was a well deserved mini getaway for me. It was the first time ever that I have gone somewhere overnight without ANY of my family...it was great (no offense to my husband or kids though) I can't wait to do it again!!! While I was there I got to see U2 Live!!!! Yes I did....on the Imax of course!! It was so good!!

Schools going well. Two more days and then I have spring break...woo hoo! I started my clinical last week, so every thursday and friday I go to the local seniors home and practice my "skills". I was so nervous last week...especially since I got put in the alzheimer/dementia ward right off the bat...but it was good...and dare I say fun?!?! I'm back in there tomorrow, so it should be another interesting day...and a day with me repeating myself over and over...but thats ok...its all part of the job.

Not sure what else to say. Feeling really emotional today...just took the dog for a walk and just wanted to cry...but I couldn't. Not feeling that hot physically either...achy, have a bit of a cold, tired...I know that I need to exercise more...I KNOW that that makes me feel better. Its just so hard somedays to get yourself motivated after being in school all day...but I know that its so worth doing!!! For my mind, body and soul...its worth it!!! So hopefully I can do alot more walking once spring break comes around and get myself into some sort of routine.

We're heading out to Alta. for a few days of spring break...we're going to J's parents place to see everyone. We haven't seen some of them since the christmas before last!! I have a new niece and nephew that I haven't met yet...so that will be extra special. It won't be a long trip...but its a much needed trip as J's brother and his wife and family are going to Indonesia on permanent missions in June, so we need to see them before they go...as it'll be a couple of years before we see them again! Sad hey? So thats why we're going out there...to see them especially.

Well I better go gather my things and my thoughts for my day in clinical tomorrow. I have to be there at 6:45am...yuck!!! Oh well...tis life!

I hope everyone out there who still manages to read this is doing well...spring is slowly springing on us...thank goodness!!!

Check this out!

2008-02-27T21:32:00.001-08:00

Here's a few performances by Dallas Green and a short interview...check him out and you'll see why he's my fav!

Check this out!

2008-02-27T21:32:00.000-08:00

Here's a few performances by Dallas Green and a short interview...check him out and you'll see why he's my fav!

http://music.sympatico.msn.ca/City+and+Colour/concerts/orange/Articles/CityAndColour.htm?isfa=1

Happy 29th...and holding!

2008-02-20T00:26:00.001-08:00

I know...its not the greatest pic...but I still had to post it. I just wanted to wish you a wonderful birthday...I miss you so much and I wish I could be there with you today! You are such an awesome friend and I thank you for ALWAYS being there...no matter what! Give yourself a big hug from all of us!!! I love you Melafawn!!!

City and Colour!

2008-02-17T22:12:00.001-08:00

Well what can I say....I do not like the album cover (his friend painted it for him..but still, its kind of creepy!)...but what is behind the cover is AWESOME!!!!! Walmart actually had it in on the release date February 12th (you were right Tamara). Its quite different from his last album...more instruments (banjo, harmonica, etc.) and some background vocals from a few different people. Yes, I mentioned banjo and harmonica...but really, it is very good. If you have never listened to him...he's a bit folky, alternative rock...sorta...not sure how to pinpoint him...he's just good! I must admit that most of the songs are a bit on the sad side...but I've talked with my friend/his sister and she says that he's a very happy person...so thats good! I mean they're not depressing...but they're not cheery either. Guess you just have to hear it to know what I mean. I saw in an interview that someone told him that he writes sad songs that sound happy. Either way...I love his music and his voice...I can sing to it, which I like!!!

Thats my post!

(the pic on the right is the album cover obviously...the one on the left is much nicer, don't ya think?)

A Quickie!

2008-02-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

As I sit here, I really should be sitting upstairs studying...I have ANOTHER test tomorrow...one that I've hardly studied for yet. Syd's been sick all week with the flu (I think) she's had no appetite, has been stuffed up, coughing, headachy, tummyachy and has had a fever. We've been playing somewhat of a juggling act with who should stay home with her this week. Unfortunately, some days she's had to spend some time at home alone. Oh how I wish we had a grandma or two, or an aunty to comfort her when we can't. Its been a hard, guilt ridden week. I think Rowyn's coming down with it now too. He's zonked out in my bed and has been since atleast 5pm!

School's going well. I'm passing my exams (70% is a pass) so I have no worries there. Some get passed better than other's...but as long as I pass, thats all I care about. Somedays its hard being in a room with 24 women...yes, just imagine it...eek!! But all in all its good...we've had some good laughs this week, so thats nice.

Well thats about it for now...hope everyone else out there is doing alright.

Longtime No See!

2008-01-31T19:17:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone who is still checking this blog of mine out!

Well alot of people have been asking me how things are going. Today...I can say they are going good! Yesterday...oh man...not good at all. I swear I was ready to throw in the towel! I had a written and a practical exam today and I was so stressed!!! Not because I didn't know what I was doing...no...but because yesterday when I was practicing for my practical (transfering patients from bed to wheelchair, vice versa) I saw some people doing things that we hadn't been shown by the instructors. So then I started to panic. For our test we had to "draw" our scenario out and perform that certain type of transfer in front of an instructor. I was just really ticked that some people had been shown a different way of doing a specific transfer and that some of us hadn't seen it. The reason this happened is because there are 24 of us, we do our "practical" stuff in two different rooms and there are usually only 2 instructors for that part of the course. Last time we were able to practice...we only had one instructor and thats when she showed some of the students this other way of doing things. Soooooo...this morning the instructors showed us some examples before we got tested...just to make sure everyone was on the same page. Its very frustrating some days...being at school. You think you're doing something right, then you see something different, or someone tells you different...other than an instructor, so you start second guessing yourself!!! Yes...there are some "know it alls" in my class...oh man, let me tell you, somedays its a test of patience for me...not to give them a piece of my mind or to just tell them to shut up!!! Oh well...it takes all kinds to make this world go round!

So I have some quiet time tonight...something that I have been lacking. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family...but I am "peopled" out. Being surrounded by 24 people for atleast 7 hours a day takes its toll on me. I do love people...but I can only take so much before I am overwhelmed and need some "me" time. Our classes are very discussion based too...no sitting there saying nothing like some courses out there. So there is always someone talking or talking to you. I do enjoy it...but I do miss my "me" time. So once again I am missing cell (caregroup)...not because I want to...but because I'm taking some much needed "no people" time. Jason took the kids because its an appy night and they need to get out and socialize too and have some fun. I also decided to stay home because I have another big test...probably my biggest yet on monday. I want to start studying now so I can relax for a bit on the weekend, rather than cramming like crazy! Oh the joys of being a student and a family all at the same time. Seriously...its not easy...but I know in the end it'll be worth it.

Thats about it...I hope you're all doing fine out there! Thanks for your encouraging words and hopefully it won't be so long before I post again!

Right Now...

2008-01-22T22:31:00.000-08:00

~ tired
~ overwhelmed
~ brain drain
~ can't concentrate
~ itching for some alone time
~ would love to just run and run and run!
~ wish there were more hours in a day
~ tired of having a pinched nerve in my shoulder
~ tired of pain
~ missing my family
~ would love to get "away" for a while
~ looking forward to summer
~ would love some "get up and go"
~ would like some chocolate
~ stressed
~ would love to cry...but can't!

Yep...thats about if for right now!!

Week one is now over...TGIF!!!

2008-01-11T21:35:00.000-08:00

Well it is the end of week one! Phew!!! For the most part I am enjoying it. I am having a hard time with learning time management though. Not with school work...but trying to get everyone ready and out the door and to where they need to be early enough that I have a moment or two to gather my thoughts before class starts...here's hoping next week will be better!!

This week we had our regular classes in the morning and then a "special" class in the afternoons. This class was to benefit us by teaching us how to be better students...better studying and learning skills...etc. I can't say that I learned a whole lot...but thankfully its now over and I won't have to take it again!!

Today was interesting. I got to school five minutes late...which was odd as I didn't have to take Rowyn to daycare or Syd to school...I just had myself to get ready. Once I got there things were alright. Came home for lunch to check on the kids and to help them out with some stuff...went back...ugh! I had made my friend and I some mocha frappucino's and one of the cups was leaking and being all weird all the way to school (a twenty minute drive or so)...I got there and found out that the seal was missing in the lid...figures. So I brought my friend the good cup and got my one from the morning...went back to my truck, poured the stuff from the crappy cup into the good cup...went back into school...knocked the lid off the cup and spilled some in the hallway...got to class and within five minutes proceeded to spill almost all of it onto our work table! AHHHHHH! So I had some major clean up to do...thankfully none of us had put our binders or papers onto the table yet. All I could think of was..."what a gong show today is" and...TGIF!!!!!!!

After school my friend and I headed to Work Wearhouse to buy our scrubs. What flattering outfits they are! haha...ya right! Our class voted on burgundy being the color we would wear...so I bought two sets of burgundy scrubs...not my choice...but majority rules!! We can't buy printed or different colors yet...we need people to know that we are students when we do our practicums. Anyhow...I got a good deal on one set as they are discontinuing the brand...$6.99 for a pair of pants and the same for the top...not bad I must say. I also picked up some "yoga" type pants too for just sitting around and for school when I don't need to wear scrubs...I can't stand sitting in jeans all day...never have, never will!!

Came home and just vegged on my bed. I really wanted to spend some proper time with my kids...but I just needed some quiet time. I love people, I enjoy school...but I am a person that needs my alone time as well and all I've had for alone time this week is study time. So I just lay there...answering the odd question from the kids and Jason and drifted in and out of sleep. I'm so looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow!

So that has been my first week. I would've blogged about something else...but nothing else happened!!! I missed two opportunities to hang out with friends...but I guess thats going to happen more often than not for the next six months!! Kinda sucky...but thats my life right now!

Have a great weekend everyone!!

The first of many days!

2008-01-07T19:57:00.000-08:00

Well today was day one of school and I made it through that...just many more to go! I think its going to be a good course. I actually know two people in my course and they are a hoot, so thats good!

As many of you know I had to put Rowyn into daycare and...that went well too! I'm so proud of my little boy, he's so brave and such a help, he has had a great attitude about all of this...definitely a gift from God. I was cuddling with him tonight before I put him to bed and just started to cry...I told him how much he meant to me and how proud I was of him for being brave and not making a fuss at daycare. He got all teary eyed too. He's always been in tune with how I feel, if I'm the least bit upset or panicky...he always stops whatever he is doing and will come and give me a hug. I miss him already and I've only been in school for one day!!

So this morning I was on time with getting everyone ready, along with myself. Got out to the truck (yes we still have it...and are keeping it...another story for another time) and wouldn't you know it...all the doors were frozen shut along with the key holes! AHHHHHHH!!! I was not a happy camper. So I called Jason and told him that I couldn't get into the truck...and the van has a foot of crusty icy hard snow on it, so I wasn't going to attempt to remove all that. So he was already on his way out of town, but turned around to bring me the remote lock thingy for the truck (we only have one), while I was waiting for him I decided that I needed to do something about the situation...so I went back into the house, got a loooong extension cord and my blowdryer and de-iced the lock on the truck...I beat Jason to it! I met up with him on my way and he gave me the remote...just in case! Finally we were on our way...then I thought I had gone too far past his daycare, so once again I was freaking out cause I was late with everything! Turned out I turned one block too soon...ahhhhh! So by the time I got him to daycare it was already 9am...time for me to be at the college! What a day. Thankfully he went into daycare without much fuss and I was back on the road and in my seat at school by 9:10am!! Of course, I was the last one to arrive! Fashionably late? haha, I don't think so!!

So that pretty much sums up my first day. I hope to be one time and have everything running extra smooth tomorrow! I have also figured out that I'm not going to have much of a life during the week. They said that we should expect around 10 hours of extra work besides school peer week. So I will get home shortly after 4pm...spend time with the kids, have supper, spend a bit more time with the kids, get them to bed and then onto studying and then bed myself. Seems as if I will be very busy for the next six months! Oh well...its a good thing!

Just wanted to thank all of you who have supported me and have prayed for me over the past while, it means ALOT to me to know that I have so many people who love me! Thankyou!

A New Year...New Beginnings!

2008-01-01T19:03:00.000-08:00

Well hello everyone out there who reads this blog...which doesn't seem to be too many these days if I consider the lack of comments that I get when I do in fact post. Oh well!

Happy new year to you all. I hope you all had a great christmas and are looking forward to what this year will bring into your life.

I have a few things to look forward to. First of all school. I start next week on the 7th...should be an interesting and busy next six months. I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and being busy...I've been a stay at home mom for ten years now...I've loved every minute of it...but its now time to get out and do a few things for me!! I'm also looking forward to maybe getting away for a bit by myself...not sure when or where...but I would enjoy a little trip all by myself...time will tell if that will indeed happen. I'm also looking forward to my favorite artist of all time to release his new album on Feb 12th...oh how I cannot wait...I'm sure I will not be able to get it anywhere for a while as we only have good old Walmart to buy music at around here (as well as the christian book store...but it won't be sold there)...but I will be checking everytime I go there...which is usually a couple of times a week (sad, I know). My mom is having a big birthday this month as well. I wish that I could be in Saskatoon to celebrate it with her...but I don't think that'll happen. I hope that its a wonderful year for her filled with many blessings! I have a good feeling about this year. I'm also looking forward to meeting my friend Jordin in person sometime this year...that'll be part of my little getaway for sure! I think alot of goals will be met this year...goals that I've had for a long time...but just haven't had the time or the energy to get them done.

I've been drawing again...it feels so good! I used to draw alot...especially when I was in school, it was my best subject by far (art). Its so relaxing and its fun to challenge myself. Jason got me some nice paint brushes (good ones...not cheap ones) and some artist quality pencil crayons and yesterday I bought myself some good markers as well. I like to mix things up a bit when it comes to art. Lately I've really enjoyed drawing tattoo type artwork...its fun and anything goes it seems. I'm sure I will expand my ideas as time goes by...but for now I'm just playing around with it and having fun!! Thats what it should always be about!

This year is also going to be about getting into better shape...not only physically, but spiritually as well...I honestly don't think that you can have one without the other. If you exercise and eat right...your mind works better and you just feel better and you can concentrate on not only your relationship with God better, but your family and friends as well. And without God in your life...nothing is possible! So first have God, include him in everything and it will all work out...easier said than done...trust me I know! But worth it in the end!!!

Well I'm not making any definite resolutions for this year...I've never been one for that kind of stuff...but I will try to make some changes and achieve certain goals and I won't beat myself up about them if I slip up or in the end fail...cause life is too short, I'll just do my best and see what happens from there!

Have a great 2008 everyone!!

Merry Christmas!!

2007-12-21T00:10:00.001-08:00

Well I had wanted to post a few recent pics on here...but I think they are too big, blogger is taking forever and a day trying to upload just one of them...so until I figure out how to make them smaller...or Jason does it for me, they will not be posted!

Just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. May you enjoy your time with your family and friends and may 2008 be a year full of blessings for you all!!

Peacefully Happy!

2007-12-15T00:08:00.000-08:00

Well I must say...God is good...God is faithful. Today I finally can say that I have a daycare that is going to be just the right thing for Rowyn and myself. Although they cannot commit to driving him to school at noon, I'm alright with that. Jason is going to try and stay in town on tuesdays and thursdays, so I will only have to pick Rowyn up and drive him myself for two days out of the week (out here we only have a four day school week) They are closer to the college too so its not so bad as if I found someone out where I live to look after him. The daycare may drive him one of those days...but right now, I'm just thankful to have a great place to bring him. He's actually going to be going to an "enriched" daycare...so he's going to have pre-school in the morning and then kindergarten in the afternoon...he'll be a busy boy!! He wasn't too thrilled about checking the place out today...but by the time we left, he didn't want to leave...how awesome is that? There are three ladies that work there and they're going to have a fourth after the new year as they will be taking in a few more kids once they finish the addition that they will be working on over the holidays. Its a very clean place with alot of stuff to stimulate the kids. I'm so happy with it. All week I've been praying and have been talking with the lady who runs it, I just had a good feeling about it right off the bat. Once I met her today, she gave me a big hug! It all feels right! I am so thankful. Rowyn being happy is my biggest concern and I know he's going to love it there. With it being a licensed facility we may also be able to get subsidized...that would be awesome. My husband makes decent money...but daycare is not cheap...so whatever we can take, we will take! A guy that he works with qualifies for subsidization and has two kids in daycare...one full time, so I think we will have no problem. I just want to say thankyou though to Starla and Andrea who were willing to take Rowyn if I couldn't find other arrangements...it means alot to me, especially since you both have such young babies of your own...I appreciate your offers!!! Now my last hurdle is to come up with the money for my course! Its not a whole lot, I know we'll be able to do it so I'm not worried that much. So it looks like school is a go!!

Tonight we had our churches christmas banquet at the golf course. What a great time. Great food and fellowship. A friend of mine offered to take our kids for the evening so that was nice too. I'm just getting to know this friend a bit better and she is also in our care group. Last night we were at her house for a potluck with the rest of our group and her daughter and Rowyn, who are both five had a great time. Her daughter takes Ju Jitsu (spelling?) so her and Rowyn were wrestling. I think he was blown away that a girl his age would wrestle with him. It was so funny...she could even pin him!! They had so much fun. He couldn't wait to go there again today. When we picked them up, Kim (my friend) informed me that she caught Rowyn and her daughter kissing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness! He gets his first friend thats a girl and is already kissing her...he's five!!!! So Kim told Rowyn and her daughter that its ok to hug...but not kiss! Seems like I have a little heartbreaker on my hands already. Sheesh! I thought it was too funny though!!

So its been a great end to what I thought was going to be a very stressful week. I've even had a cold all week and I'm still happy! Cold and all!

Thankyou to everyone who has prayed about this situation...I appreciate it more than you know!!! I hope you are all doing well and getting ready for christmas!! Take care!

2007-12-10T20:03:00.001-08:00

Well I'm ready to throw in the towel. I cannot find a sitter for Rowyn that can drive him to school. I don't know what else to do. I am at the end of my rope. I can find sitters...but none that can drive. I still don't know what my "day" looks like at school yet either...no one seems to be able to give me an answer. I'm wondering if this is all worth it...more and more its starting to look like its not. I am so stressed! I really want to go to school...not just for the education, but for something to do! I'm going crazy sitting at home...I've been "at home" for ten years now, I need to do something for me! So if you think of it...please pray that I will be able to find a sitter for Rowyn that can drive him...and if not, then maybe I can work out some days with some friends that would be willing to pick him up from a sitter for me and drive him to school so I won't have to come all the way back over to the other side of town to do it. I mean I will if I have to...but if I don't get out of school on time...I won't be able to get him to school on time. Like I said, its so frustrating!!

Up, down and all around!

2007-11-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

So this past week has had its ups and downs. Downs...being sick. A week ago I came down with the stomach flu big time...still feel a bit icky here and there...but I also got a flu shot yesterday, so I'm sure that hasn't helped. Rowyn's been sick too...he missed this whole week from school. Just coughing alot and plugged up. On monday night his temp. read 101 in his armpit!!! Not good! It was 99 in his mouth...but I don't know how accurate that was as he couldn't keep his mouth shut from being so congested. But he's back to his goofy self...but crashes hard when its bed time.

I have been dealing with much confusion as of late. I feel so confused these days...I don't know if I should come or go or what I should be doing!!! I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions yet I'm not going anywhere! Make sense? No...I don't think it does either...hence my confusion!! I've been humming and hawing over this school thing. I'm registered to take the home support/resident care aide course in Jan. (as I think I've mentioned in an earlier post) but I've had thoughts of not doing it. Its not exactly what I want to do. What I have wanted to do is the LPN course...which I was going to take but they cancelled it until some time in 2009!! So that kind of through me for a bit of a loop. Anyways, I thought I'd take the HSRA course...even though it wasn't what I really wanted to do. Lately though I've been having thoughts to just axe it all and do nothing. Finding a babysitter for Rowyn is not going as planned...and I feel bad as this is his last year not being in school full time...why do I feel like I need to do this now and not wait a year? I could wait a year...but I have this uncontrollable feeling that I NEED to do this now. I can't explain it! Its a very frustrating feeling to say the least. I just need to find a sitter where he is loved and well taken care of and...where he can get driven to school for the afternoon. So really...I need someone for 3-4 hours in the morning and thats it. I have a friend that says she would maybe do it...but doesn't know if she could drive him to school...then I found out that I may be able to put him with a daycare and have it subsidized...which would be awesome not having to pay for babysitting, but alot of those daycares have too many kids that they can't drive him to school. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I cannot win. So I am praying really hard that something will turn out. My neighbor has a daycare and even though she's not my favorite person...she does well with the kids and Rowyn knows alot of them from talking over the fence from the deck in the summers. He also told me that a girl in his class goes there and that her mom drops her off at school....soooooo, I'm going to check that out, maybe if my neighbor has room for him, this girl's mom could bring him too...or we could take turns or something!!! I'm praying for a bit of a miracle here, or atleast thats how I see it. This will be the kicker for school. I could come back here on my lunch and pick him up from a sitter and drive him myself...but thats alot of driving as the college is way on the other side of town. I guess time will tell. This is all I have left to finalize before school...but its the most important thing for me. I want him to be comfortable and happy no matter where he goes. I'm afraid as it is to go to school...I just want it to be easy and not too frustrating.

So about school (this is a stinkin long post). I had almost come to the point where I wasn't going to go. But after talking with my mom...and Jason, I have decided that I will. I still want to be a practical nurse and then want to specialize someday (operating room tech would be ideal!!) but for now I need to see this as a stepping stone. This course I will be able to take with me wherever I go...and thats important to me. I need to not rush this process...but more than anything...I need to trust God that he knows what he's doing with all of this! Somedays though...my faith is next to nothing...I know that I need to change that. He'll get me through this...this will all work itself out. Its just so hard somedays because I mostly sit at home thinking about all that could go wrong, and all that isn't going according to MY will...which is so not the way to think is it? No!!!

God is working on me so hard out here. I have no family here...I have to do everything for myself, and its been hard, but its been a learning process. Its caused me to rely more on Him than anything. Like my cell leader said tonight...if we don't have God in our lives to rely on...we don't have anything...and if our friends don't have God in their lives...there is NO way that we can rely on them...or something like that. I too often put my faith and hope in others...and you know what? I am always let down. Not that people let me down on purpose...but thats just human nature. At some point in time we will all let someone down. But God...he is always there...ALWAYS!!! I am so thankful for that.

Well this post got alot longer than I had planned. I just ask for your prayers...that I can find a good reliable, loving sitter for Rowyn, that I can find transportation for Rowyn to school...that I will have faith in this whole entire process. I have a couple of more immunizations to get and a criminal record check...then I am ready for school. Its only a month and one week away! I'm scared, nervous, yet excited to finally be doing something for me...and my family. I think I'm going to be alot happier having something to focus on rather than all the negatives that fill my mind most days.

I hope you're all doing well and keeping warm.

Heads Up!

2007-11-25T00:30:00.000-08:00

Hey there...now I may have emailed some of you about this movie. I had an email passed on to me by a friend. I hadn't heard of the movie at that time...but now have seen the commercials on TV and thought I'd check it out some more. I found this article about it...read it and come to your own conclusions...I think we will all agree that its something that most of us will not be exposing our children to. Thanks.

2007-11-14T03:08:00.001-08:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Last but not least!

2007-11-12T01:17:00.000-08:00

Well I'm a bit late in posting...but I thought I'd finish off this challenge with my seventh post.

Today was a pretty relaxed day...went to church, then out for lunch with friends then to a baby shower, then home, had a bit of a nap, then talked for a loooong time with a great friend on the phone.

<-This friend of mine...what can I say. She is a huge blessing in my life. We have never actually met in person, but we hopefully will in the coming new year. God sure knew what he was doing when he put the two of us into one another's lives! We have more in common than I have ever had with just one person! We can talk about anything and there is never any judgement...ever! Even if we have a different view on particular topics...its still ok...I love it. She makes me laugh all the time. I cannot wait until the day we can finally meet and give eachother a great big hug. I know that I'll cry, but it'll be tears of happiness!! I don't know if she really knows how much her friendship had blessed me and helped me through so many things. I've never had a friendship like this before. Not that I don't love my other friends just as much...but this friendship is so different and unlike any friendship that I have ever had before. Its so weird how we "met", but so cool just the same. We tell eachother that we love one another on a regular basis, its so cool. It is definately a special friendship, unlike any other. She lives all the way in Ontario, so seeing her is hard, but I hope to fly out there someday and have a nice getaway by myself while visiting with her. We're hoping to meet in Vancouver sometime after February. Why after Feb? Well her brother just happens to be my favorite singer, so he's releasing his new album mid Feb and then will be going on tour sometime after that, so when he hits Van City, she's going to tag along with him and meet me there. Oh how I cannot wait!!! I'll get to meet her and see an amazing concert as well! And then the shopping...oh my!! I'm excited just thinking about it!

So here's to you Jord! I love you and look forward to many more chats on the phone until we can get together for some good times!!

Beating heart

2007-11-10T19:50:00.000-08:00

Can you tell that I'm getting desperate for posts? This is a video of Syd holding a heart from one of Jason's coho's this past summer/fall.

#5...is alive!

2007-11-09T22:32:00.001-08:00

Well here we are on post five and Tamara hasn't commented yet...hmmm, did she forget that she challenged me to this??? I think so!! I'll have to give her a good razzing in church on sunday I guess!

So I'm still feeling a bit shitakeous (yes, I like to make up my own words!), not any better, not any worse...atleast I'm not worse. My boy on the other hand, I think he's coming down with something...I don't know how sick that kid has to get though, nothing seems to slow him down. Not that I want him to get really sick...he's been a pretty healthy boy all his five years...I want to keep it that way...he's never even thrown up...seriously!!! (knocking on a BIG chunk of wood right now! haha!) He has a b'day party to go to tomorrow and I know he'll be very upset if he can't go...but I guess we'll just have to see what tomorrow brings!

Went to a candle party tonight...I haven't been to one in about four of five years and this is the second time I have ever bought something I think...but it was a good evening out...just a few of us, some smelling and some eating...good times!!

Well thats about it. Hope you all have a good weekend and I guess I'll be back on here tomorrow sometime!

BTW...Amber, I'm glad I could make you laugh...you need to watch the Spy Kids movie's when your kids get a bit older. Janelle...I would've loved to have vegged with you on a couch today. Erin...the liquid is back! ugh!!! Good old BC! I hope J-man settles down for you soon...sending a prayer your way!

Post #4

2007-11-08T23:19:00.000-08:00

Once again, not much to say except that I feel like a Shitake Mushroom...take the first part of shitake and you'll know what I'm talking about. I have a bit of a cough, a bit of a tickly throat and just feel wasted, nothing major, just enought to feel crappy.

Great post eh? Oh and I think that the person that challenged me to seven posts in a row should atleast comment on some of my posts!! Yep, I think she should!!

Around here...

2007-11-07T15:02:00.000-08:00

So on sunday we took the Tahoe out for once last fling until we get it ready to sell. We headed up Shames mountian just for fun. Got to the top and had a snow fight...it was kind of nice to be in the snow for a bit...little did I know that the next day we'd be covered in it. Atleast it brighten's things up a bit.

2007-11-07T14:43:00.000-08:00

Silly kid
Jason
The view from Shames Mountain
Rowyn enjoying the snow fight!

Syd enjoying the snow too!

Raindrops on noses...we have wiskers on kittens too, but they won't go near this guy willingly!

A Post...a half hour late.

2007-11-07T00:27:00.000-08:00

Here is a post...not much to say...went to the hotsprings again, they were closed for unknown reasons...disappointed...went to DQ with Chris and Christy instead...then watched the Biggest Loser with Christy and chatted the evening away.

Did I lose the challenge now cause I'm late? Hmmmmm

I've been challenged!

2007-11-05T22:14:00.000-08:00

So I've been challenged by Tamara to post everyday for seven days...my competitor is Justin, a man whom I hope to meet someday!!

Yesterday we headed up Shames Mountain for a bit...hat a snow fight and came back down. Here are some pics! There were even people up there with their boards and ski's...I don't think its open yet...but what do I know!

Ok...I tried to upload pics and its taking too stinkin long and not really working...so I'll try another day or later on.

It snowed over night...we were covered in a thick blanket of white...now we're covered in a soggy mess!

Happy 10th Birthday Syd!!

2007-11-04T09:05:00.000-08:00

2007-11-04T08:58:00.000-08:00

So friday was party night in this household! We had a party for Syd with four of her close friends. Let me tell you...five ten year old girls makes for a very loud house!!!!

We first had a bit of supper and then headed off to the hotsprings which are about fifteen minutes away from our house. It was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed hanging out with the girls and watching Rowyn playing in the water...he has no fear!!

Then it was back to our place for some cake and gifts. Christy and Tristan and Tamara stopped by as well. Christy and Tamara showed the girls some of their smokin dance moves...I wish I had taken pics...or better yet, video!! Thankyou ladies for blessing Syd with your friendship...it was nice to have some "family" over to celebrate with her!! Then the girls went downstairs, set up their sleeping arrangments and watched a movie and became pretty quiet which was very nice!!

All in all it went pretty good. Nothing major happened which is all one can hope for!

I can't believe that my girl is 10 already...where does the time go? I swear that time goes by so much faster once you have kids!!!

She is growing up so fast, in more ways than one....eeek! But she is such a good kid, with a good head on her shoulders. She has blessed me in more ways that I could have ever imagined. I thank God everyday for the gift that He gave me when He allowed me to be her mom!

Happy Birthday Syd!!

Pictures from our Rupert Trip!

2007-11-04T01:10:00.000-07:00

Sisterly and brotherly love!

Syd excited about the dolphins!

Rowyn enjoying the nice day.

Just before we went home we went back to Ridley Island to see if the dolphins were back...they were, but didn't stick around for very long...I took this just as we were leaving to head home. (my pics are all in backwards order in this post...sorry)

Gorgeous ocean waters!
One of the dolphins that we saw on Ridley Island two weeks ago.
Yes...that is a dolphin...all this pic show's is how close we were to them...they came even closer than this...but I missed it!!

Decisions, decisions!!!

2007-10-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

Well I cannot sleep!! So I'm going to blog and I'm sure you will all think I am totally nutts by the end of this post...thats ok...think what you want!

Soooooo, I have decided once again to axe the Safeway job...this time my decision is final. I just can't see it being worth it for only two and a half months. I will just be getting the swing of things and then I'm going to have to quit. I really don't think I could work and do school at the same time. School will be full time hours...so working on top of that, plus having two kids and a husband will just be too much for this chick!! So I'm not going to work. This may be the last two and a half months of not working or going to school that I will have in a long, long, long time...so I might as well enjoy them!!

On a kind of sad but smart note...we have decided to sell our truck instead of the van. Jason was crunching some numbers and its just not worth it to have the truck right now...sure its been alot of fun being able to go "anywhere" with it...but its just costing us too much right now. He figured that we're getting 12-14 mpg with it...not good!! The van gets about 25mpg or better...so with me going to school everday in Jan. and it being about 15km away, give or take in one direction...it would be much wiser to be using the van instead of the truck...alot cheaper in gas, thats for sure. Plus we think it'll be alot easier to sell the truck rather than the van. Once I'm done school and working...then we'll think of getting our beloved 4x4. Right now it just makes sense to do this...its the "practical" decision and choice, even though it won't be as much fun driving the van around as it is to drive the truck...sacrifices!!

So I guess we have a cougar in the neighborhood. My neighbor behind me says that its been in her neighbors garbage. Yikes! Our dog was flipping out the other night too, so I bet it may have been the cougar. We have an empty lot directly behind our house and its all bush and evergreens...a great place for a big cat to hang out in. Plus my neighbor also said that there are three black bears in the area as well...one being huge. How much "fun" can one neighborhood handle!!! Oh the joys!!

On saturday we took a road trip to Prince Rupert. It was a great day. We always seem to pick the sunniest days to go to Rupert. We've hardly ever had rain when we've gone there. It can be crappy here, and usually is, but once we get there its all sunny! I know that with most people, its the opposite! We went to Ridly Island which is just before Rupert. I had heard that there are dolphins there sometimes...and as luck would have it...we got to see some. They were pretty close too. I think there was about four or five of them...it was hard to tell...they were feeding I assume as they just kept swimming back and forth in a certain area. They didn't pull any Flipper moves by jumping out of the water...but it was still amazing to see. I have only seen dolphins at Marineland in California...so it was a real treat to see them in the wild so close up and so close to home. We spent atleast a half hour watching them. It was a really good day for a road trip. We also stopped at "the rock"...a favorite place for the kids to lift up rocks and find alot of little crabs scooting around trying to get back under the rocks. Rowyn was holding one and it decided to head up his sleeve...it was pretty funny. He also got spit at by a clam!

Well thats about it for me. I got a few pics of the dolphins...they totally don't do them any justice...but you can atleast see that something with a fin is definitely there. I'll post them soon.

I hope everyone is healthy and happy...take care y'all!

Figuring it all out...

2007-10-17T22:44:00.000-07:00

So I deleted my last post cause...well, I can be irrational at times, and it was an irrational decision! Yesterday was a very emotional day for me and everything just piled up to an overwhelming amount of stress! I feel like the only way to describe it is like a pre midlife crisis...if there is such a thing. Here's what has been going on.

My youngest is now in school...so I'm home half the day by myself. I've spent the last 12 years of my life either trying to get pregnant. Friends are having babies and we have decided that we are done and have done the things you need to do to make it final (snip snip)...but with all the babies being born, its just a constant reminder of what is never to be again...so its a bit hard at times...but I still love all the babies. I wanted to go to school to get my LPN...things didn't work out as they have postponed the course until Jan 2009. So I applied to take the home support worker course instead...got accepted right away and don't have to do any upgrading or anything. Had second thoughts about that because we're thinking of maybe moving in the next year or so. Decided to maybe get a part time job instead. Got that...it was almost too easy to get that. Started to feel so overwhelmed by it all, the job, the babies, the not having babies, school, moving...everything. I feel like I'm suppose to be doing something...but have not clue as to what that is. I felt soooo lost...and have felt that way for a long time...but finally pinpointed it all last night.

So Jason and I had a talk last night. We decided that I should just axe the job...that we'd put off moving or even entertaining the idea for a few months ( until atleast spring) and that I should just go to school and get my home support worker certificate now...then if I want to further my education in a year or two or more, than I can. So that was our decision as of last night. I called up my "training mentor" and told her that things just weren't going to work out (I was also told that I'd be "on call" and that didn't sit too well with me...especially with having kids to worry about) as I had decided to go to school in Jan. and that being on call and not knowing when I would work would be too hard. She said that if I knew what I'd be working would I stay? I was kind of shocked...I was just thinking that she'd say Ok...and that would be it. But we talked for a bit and she said that she'd hate to see me go (I've only worked one day...and that was just training) and that if I wanted to pick what days I work...even if it was one or two a week...that I could and that they'd do whatever it took to keep me...and if not, that would be alright...but that I could come back if I changed my mind! Ok...I totally wasn't expecting any of that. So...now I'm thinking that I might just keep the job...work the days that I want to and got to school and still maybe work a day or two just for some extra money. I think I've figured it all out. I can have both. People want me...I've never ever really felt that in a work place before...I matter to them! Its a good feeling. So I have to call her tomorrow and tell her what I think and have decided. She even said that if I didn't want to work now and found that school wasn't working out...that I'd still have a job there if I wanted one. Who does that for someone they just met? I was blown away!! All I can say is that God is showing me that I can do this...that I can do more than I think I can...that I can work, go to school and be a good mom...and I can do them all at the same time!! I really feel at peace about this all...its a good feeling! I felt so utterly lost and confused and have felt that way for a while now. My life has changed so much in the past six weeks. I feel like I have been on such a rollercoaster of emotions.

So ya...I think I'm going to keep the job...if it doesn't work, it doesn't work...but I think it will, and I atleast have to give it a shot. They seem very willing to work with what I want and need...not many places will do that nowadays. And going to school will be good for me. I don't know if being a Home Support Worker will be a forever career for me...but its a start and a good step in the right direction. And its good enough for now. I know its not the most "glamourous" job...but I have a friend who does the same thing and she said that it may not be all sunshine and roses...but the people really appreciate you...and thats what keeps her going. Plus it pays pretty good too...which is always a bonus for just six months of school.

I feel like a HUGE weight has finally been lifted from my shoulders...like I can breath again...that I'm heading in the right direction. It feels good. I hope its a feeling that lasts. I know that the devil has found some major weaknesses in me and he's been playing me for a fool for too long now in regards to my friends, my future, my feelings of worth...I need to stay focused on what God has promised me...to never leave me or forsake me and to never give me more than I can handle. I've realized that I can handle more than I give myself credit for. Thankyou to those of you pray for me...mom, dad, Holly and Terry and anyone else! I hope I can stick with this...and if something does happen, that I can handle it and realize that in the end, it will still be ok.

2007-10-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

I recieved this in an email today from a friend...just wanted to share it...

For Strong Women & Women of Strength

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape
...but a woman of strength builds relationships to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything
...but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her
...but a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future
...but a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be unexpected blessings and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman wears a look of confidence on her face
...but a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey
...but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

I can handle anything that life throws at me -I may not be able to handle it well, or correctly, or gracefully, or with finesse, or expediently but I will handle it.

Life may not be the party we hoped for,but while we are here we may as well dance.

What I'm Missing...

2007-10-01T22:42:00.000-07:00

~ I miss the "smell" of rain...yes, it rains here ALOT...but it rains so much that you don't get that "smell"... I've
only smelt it once and that was last week and it just reminded me of how much I miss that smell and that I used to actually enjoy it when it rained.

~ I miss having dry pants when I go out... no, I don't wet my pants...but the bottoms of them are constantly wet from it raining and being wet outside almost all the time.

~ I miss not having to think all the time. I seem to be thinking all the time out here, contemplating about what my goals in life are and how I can figure out what I'm suppose to do with my life besides be a mother and a wife...which I am thankful for and I enjoy...but I'm ready for more and I'm not sure what that truly is yet!

~ I miss my family, all my nieces and nephews and siblings and parents...I've gotten used to being far from them all...but I still miss them dearly.

~ I miss the sun, I find myself so much more energetic when it decides to grace us with its presence.

~ I miss cold winters...call me crazy, but I do. I miss having my nostrils stick together when I breath in deeply during a cold snap and the sun that shines on the fields of snow making it all sparkly!

~ I miss seeing forever!

~ I miss feeling at peace in my life.

~ I miss having little little kids...but do enjoy the ages that my kids are now and I am so proud of who they are growing up to be!

~ I miss knowing who I am...these days I don't have a clue!

~ I miss being able to go for a walk anytime of the day...anywhere that I want and know for a fact that there won't be a bear around the corner!!

~ I miss the "crop talk" that my parents would discuss as we would travel on country roads...even though I never knew what crop was which...I miss the "country"...you know?

~ I miss old houses and neighborhoods...ones with character and charm and big trees along the streets.

~ I miss having certain opportunities and advantages of a bigger city or atleast living closer to one.

~ I miss amazing thunderstorms...the excitement, the fear...everything about them!

~ I miss getting together with my best friends every friday night...oh how I miss that Mel and Den!!

~ I miss being able to enjoy being outside in the summer without being eaten alive by black flies...call me crazy, but I'd rather be bitten by mosquitoes than black flies...atleast you can feel when most mosquitoes are biting you...black flies, you don't...they suck your blood and my bites itch for a month or more!

~ I miss shopping in a nice big mall...call me vain, but Walmart just ain't cutting it anymore!

~ I miss Booster Juice...even though I can make my own, but still!

I miss so much of my life before here. Don't get me wrong, there are many things that I do like about living here...but I'm growing tired and weary of this place. Both Jason and I are. We don't like to talk about this that much to anyone...but things are changing for us it seems. I'm not sure what our future holds...we have some ideas as to what we would like to see happen, but only God knows what the future holds for our lives. Sometimes it so hard to give it all to Him...but thats my reality and I just have to have faith that He knows what he's doing!! Jason's job is good...but its a go no where type of job...and there aren't many opportunities elsewhere in this area for what he does...so it would be nice to have options and choices for him, a place where he can grow and expand his knowledge. There's so much that goes on in this mind of mine these days. I'm trying so hard to be content...but its hard some days. Jason really loves the fishing out here...so if we ever do leave, I pray that we can find another place where he can keep up with this hobby of his.

I guess what I'm saying is that we are thinking about going somewhere else. I'm not sure when or where...it may take some time...but both of us are ready for a new adventure. This place has been good to us, and it continues to...but sometimes you just need to move on. Until then, we will enjoy our lives out here the best we can. I know the day that we do decide to leave, it will be hard...but I will be excited all the same.

Just know that I don't hate it here...I have made some dear friends and have seen some amazing things and done some really cool things...but it may just be time to move on. It makes me kind of sad to realize all this...but we always knew that we wouldn't be here forever. Time will tell what our future holds!

Not much to say...but I'm sure you will after this post!

2007-09-17T23:56:00.000-07:00

Ok...so its been a while, but really I have nothing exciting to say. Well maybe I do...just don't feel like saying it. One major event in our house is that Rowyn is now in kindergarten...yes, every afternoon I have to myself...I love it! And he's doing really well, so I am very proud of him!
A couple of weeks ago I got an email from my friend Denley...here it is...

READ FIRST !!
For those who have kids, grandchildren or a planning to have kids at some point in the future, here is a perfect example of why no horseplayshould be allowed at the dinner table. Look at the first picture and study the marks the boy is pointing at,and try to guess what caused it. Then open the second picture. Prepare yourself to take a gasp of air!

2007-09-17T23:55:00.000-07:00

Nothing here...just taking up space until you get to the next pic!..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

2007-09-17T23:49:00.000-07:00

And Update!

2007-08-29T23:02:00.000-07:00

Well its been a while hasn't it? Where to start?

I decided that I needed to go home to Saskatoon so within two days of thinking that I had three bus tickets for me and my kids. We decided to just go as far as Edmonton and then my parents picked us up from there so we didn't have a five hour layover...not that I didn't know anyone to come and pick us up for a visit...but by the time we got there we had already been on the bus for 18 hours...so not really in the mood for too much chit chat and the kids just needed to get to our destination.

While in Stoon I went shopping...ALOT!!! Out here I'm pretty limited with our small selection of stores. So it was so nice to go to a "real" mall and to stores that we don't have anywhere near us. I admit I spent a bit too much...oh well, life goes on! I also got to hang out with my family...my parents, and my sister, her husband and her three kids. It was a much needed time away from here! I got to see some pretty good thunder and lightning storms...something we hardly get out here at all, we get one good boom and maybe a flash or two and thats it!!!

I also got to hang out with some good friends on a couple of evenings. It was so nice to see you all.

I know I didn't get to see everyone that I wanted to...but this trip was more about me getting away from here and just relaxing and giving my brain a break...call me selfish...but I needed this trip, whether I saw people or not. Next time I hope to see a few that I missed this time around.

My parents drove me back to Edmonton...actually Spruce Grove. There I stayed with Jason's brother Barry and his wife Melissa and two girls for a couple of days. It was nice visiting with them too. I was able to check out their new house as well...its very nice! We then left from Edmonton for here late last wednesday night.

During our bus ride back we saw a wolf and a few other wild things. I had never seen a wolf out in the wild...it was so cool. Jason's seen a couple this summer...weird how all of a sudden you start seeing them.

The kids did well on the bus ride. We had a few outbursts and uncomfortable sleeps...but all in all they did pretty well. Rowyn had a problem peeing on the bus...he won't go in anything that looks like and outhouse toilet...so I ended up getting him to pee into an empty bottle...gross, yes...but probably less gross than sitting on the bus toilet!! It worked and thats all that mattered.

So now we're back. Its taken a bit to get back into the swing of things...but its slowly coming along. School starts next tuesday!!! Rowyn's starting kindergarten this year as well...but he doesn't start until the 12th or so...not sure why, but thats just the way it is I guess. Syd's going into grade five...my goodness! My kids are definitely growing up!

I'm having a bit of a hard time it seems. There's alot going on in my head and my mind. I can honestly say that I am sick and tired of living with hardly any sun! I feel as if over the past year the sun has only shone about %10 of the time. We had such a long winter...it rained or snowed almost everyday. We hardly had a summer. I think I only wore shorts twice...seriously!!! I really think that all this gloom has led to some of my down times. I don't know if I'm cut out for this. And now...fall is quickly approaching, the days are getting shorter again and the sun still hardly shines. Its quite depressing! And for someone who is trying to deal with that part of her life...it doesn't help!!! Not sure what I'm trying to say here...well I kind of do, but don't want to say it! I literally feel like Eeyore...like I have a rainy cloud over my head all the time. Not sure what to do about it anymore. It comes and goes...but I seriously think that I need more sun in my life. Real sun...not no sun lamp thingy!!

Well thats about it. I have more to say...but for now, thats enough! Enjoy whats left of your summer!

2007-08-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

I'm here...just haven't had much time to update this thing. An update is coming soon...maybe later on tonight, we'll see if I'm in the mood or not.

I hope everyone is enjoying what's left of summer...around here, I feel as if we hardly had one!

I'm off for my 100hr trip! haha!

2007-08-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

Just a short post. I'm leaving...on a jet plane...well no, but on a bus...yes! The kids and I are going on a trip so we'll see ya when we see ya! Pray for my sanity for the next 100 um I mean 18 hours! (Christy...ya know I love ya! haha!)

Some Fish

2007-07-28T04:46:00.000-07:00

Jason's mom with her first Chinook...10lbs caught on the Kitimat River.
Jason's first Chinook of the season (hopefully not the last) also caught on the Kitimat. When he "set the hook" on this, his rod broke, but he was still able to "land" it. I missed all the action...but he was quite happy that his rod broke, cause now he can buy a better one!..someday:)

What the????

2007-07-28T04:31:00.000-07:00

Its 4:32am...what on earth am I doing up? I have no idea...and blogging? I think I'm going crazy!

So things have slowed down a bit over the past couple of days. Jason's parents had been here for a few weeks and decided to take a break and go back home for a couple of weeks and then come back. His dad had big hopes of catching a nice Chinook...but not much luck. Jason caught one..21lbs, not too bad, his mom caught a 10lbs and his dad...well, he caught a 3lb...yes, a 3lb chinook. I don't think he was very impressed with that. Throw in a couple of pinks and that was it. Very frustrating for Jason's dad...and all of us. I wish we had a boat...that seems to be making all the difference out here these days. But we don't...maybe someday. They're planning on coming back for the coho run...hopefully we'll have better luck with that.

So as some of you know...we had some major flooding around here last month. One of our major river's out here...the Skeena, hasn't been very fishable since then...is fishable even a word? haha! But it has gone down and cleared up and people are finally able to fish it again. There are a couple of spots that we enjoyed going to...but today we went to check them out, particularly 18 mile and China Bar. Well, they're now pretty hard to get to...the water is just deep enough that I don't think I'd want to wade through it...we might have to invest in dingy or something LOL! Jason was quit disappointed. Those were his two of his favorite spots...and they were great spots for the kids to run around and play on. Maybe they'll get a bit more accessible as the summer (what summer?) goes on. Here we finally have a 4x4...and now we can't even use it to get onto China Bar like we had hoped. The flood changed so much around here. Islands that were in the middle of the river are half washed away...its crazy. Like I said in an earlier post...the power of water is amazing!

We had some friend over the other night for a fire in the backyard...it was nice to see them all. Stupid me though...never took one stinkin picture!! Oh well...we'll just have to do it again won't we? And next time...you better show up...you know who you are!! I don't care who's in town...haha, you know I love ya and I'm just teasin!

Well I should really go to bed. I just couldn't sleep and have been on the computer for a couple of hours now. I hope you're all doing well and that your summer's are warmer than the one we're having here!!

About last night...

2007-07-18T00:02:00.000-07:00

Well turns out his appt today was just a consult...it wasn't the "actual" appt! Good grief! He took the whole day off and everything. Nice to know these things! Oh well.

I'm actually alot better today...thanks for your kind words everyone...I appreciate it!

Mixed Emotions

2007-07-16T21:28:00.000-07:00

Well the time has come...and I'm a bit emotional about it. Tomorrow is V Day...yes, the old snipperoony for my poor hubby. I've had a few emotional moments today and last night. Its been almost five years since we had our last child. We have two beautiful children, they have completed my life in ways that I never imagined.

As some of you know, we had alot of problems concieving and staying pregnant. We suffered with my infertility problems for seven years. That is why our children are five years apart. I love the difference now...as its all I know, and I know that was the way that God had it planned for our lives. I've been at home with my children for almost ten years. I feel that there is a shift in our life now. Its "my" time...time for me to do what I want, what I need to do for me! Does that sound selfish or greedy? I hope not. Its been a long road...and I don't think that I could do it again (fertility treatments, etc.) I love my kids more than anything. They are both my miracles. But I think its time for a new chapter in our lives.

Sometimes its tough to move on...but I think its that time. Sure, I know there will be days that I will wonder...what if...but deep down, I know that we're done. I don't have a desire to really have anymore children...yet, if I was to discover that I was pregnant today...I'd be happy...and shocked, I'd just laugh. Its just saddening to think of all the trouble we had, the intense emotional rollercoaster that we went through...that its all done, that time is now coming to an end...that chapter of our life is finished. It really took a toll on me, and I think our marriage too. But we made it through. I'm finally feeling that I'm finding myself again...it took so much out of me, and its taken this long to get back to me! Not that I regret any of it...I don't, I know that I had to go through that...that was MY journey. That was God's plan for my life...and now this is a new journey.

I'm enjoying my kids so much these days...its so much easier these days...yet still tough. They too are going through new chapters in their own lives. My daughter is almost ten, things are "changing", if you know what I mean...haha. And my son will be starting school this fall. I will be alone for half a day, four days a week. What am I going to do? It'll be ten years since I didn't have a child in my home at some point in the day...and now it'll be a regular occurance almost everyday! Its kind of scary, yet exciting all the same. I'll have some "me" time. In some ways, I'm finding that I'm getting some of my "life" back...know what I mean?

See what I mean about having mixed emotions? I go back and forth about all of this...the pros, the cons. I know that my husband doesn't want anymore kids, and really, I don't either. I love kids...but we're done (do I sound like I'm trying to convince myself). Had we not of had the problems that we did, I think we would have had another one...but that wasn't the way it was suppose to be. I've only been on birth control for the first six months of our marriage...I've been married for thirteen years...ya, do the math! Sure its an emotional time. I think most people second guess themselves...maybe not. I'm not second guessing, I guess I'm just saying goodbye to a former goal...dream. But its time for new dreams, new goals...more adventures.

Well thats about it. I just needed to write this all out. Thanks for listening to me...I know that this is just the beginning of something else.

Its late...but who cares!

2007-07-05T00:26:00.000-07:00

So its been an interesting past couple of days. We've been out fishing most of the week...and today, Jason finally caught his first Chinook (Spring) Salmon of the season! As soon as he set the hook, his rod snapped right in half, but by some miracle he was able to reel it in and land the sucker! We ate it, well most of it...yum yum good!

We're all so tired from enjoying the great outdoors this week. Ya right...more like the rain rain go away outdoors. Its been raining on and off all week...it sure wears on a person after a while! But thats BC for ya! Especially when you live near the coast! It just would be really nice to have some sunshine and a bit of warmth.

In other news around here, I was finally able to talk to my new facebook friend. I guess I should just call her my new friend, not facebook friend. Jordin is her name...and she is a sweetheart. She makes me laugh so hard! I have NEVER in my life had so much in common with someone as I do with her...its so very bizarre, its freaky actually...everytime we email eachother we find out something new about one another, but something that is the same between us! Its crazy! We finally hooked up on the phone last night. I came home from camping with the kids, Jason stayed camping with his parents. I put the kids to bed and gave her a call...we talked for four hours! It was awesome. I haven't talked that long on the phone since I was probably a teenager...if at all! I'm so happy that we met...and in the most bizarre way...but God was definitely a part of all of this, there's just no other way to explain it!! I just wish that she didn't live so far away (Ontario)...but hopefully someday we will meet in person!! I can't wait for that day! But until then we have email and the phone!

Tomorrow (or later today if we want to get technical) I get to spend some much needed time with some great friends. Its been a while...a week or two...but thats long enough since we've hung out! I'm looking forward to it girls! I need some "girl" time!

Other than that, things are pretty good. The kids are good and sleeping wonderfully with all the fresh air they've been getting. Syd actually caught a little fish today, I think it kind of took her by surprise. She tried to get it off but it wiggled its way free...it was too small to keep anyways.

We've been seeing alot of bears too, we actually saw a grizzly the other day...it was skinny and had huge feet, it looked so funny, so awkward. Speaking of grizzlies. Jason's cousin had a run in with one in Banff over the weekend. He went for a hike and turned a corner and saw the grizzly on the path. He knew what to do...but fear took over and he ran. It chased him and ended up on top of him. He screamed and screamed, and then it left. Amazing, but terrifying! I would have crapped, puked and peed all at once!!! God definitely saved his life, there's no other way to explain it! I guess he was feeling pretty bad about how he reacted. He walked away without a scratch! Amazing!

Well thats about it...this is getting long and I need to get to bed. I hope you're all doing well and enjoying your summer! Take care everyone!

New Post!

2007-06-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all! Well its been busy around here for the last while. Jason's parents arrived here about a week ago, so we've been spending time with them...obviously!! And this past week Jason and his dad went back to AB to get our new/old Chevy Tahoe!!! Yes we bought an SUV! If you live out here, and fish...you'll agree, they are a must!! Why I say its old/new is because its an older vehicle a 99...but its new for us, plus it has less kms on it than our 2002 van! It only had 98,000kms on it...which is darn good for an eight year old vehicle. So now my dear hubby is in heaven, he finally has his dream truck. His parents bought it for us so he and his dad had to go back to their place and pick it up. All we had to get done on it was new tires and a fan belt...other than that, its in great shape! So now we NEED to sell the van so we can pay back his parents! Anyone looking for a 2002 Pontiac Montana? Anyone????

I have to mention, and I should have mentioned this first. I am SO proud of Syd. She is such a wonderful girl. She had her year end assembly on thursday and got two awards. I new that she was getting one, but I just thought that it was her honor roll award...not that that's anything to sneeze at...I'm very proud of her for just that! She is so unlike me when it comes to school. But she also got an award for Outstanding Achievement!!!! Way to go Syd! So we are very proud of our girl!!

Well thats about it. I hope everyone out there in blogland is doing well and that you all enjoy this long weekend!

Hmmmm...

2007-06-19T12:41:00.000-07:00

Well I'm in a conundrum (sp?) I no longer know what to do with my life once my kids are in school. I got my letter today saying that they "may" start the LPN program in Jan 2009..."may"...not very encouraging. I was told that I could take the home support careworker course, its only six months...but really, I don't know if I want to do that. My mom and my sister did that for years...it pays well enough, but I don't know! I was also told that I could take the BScN course...its four years...I don't think I could do that...actually I'm pretty sure I couldn't. Plus I don't really want to go for four years!! So I'm feeling a bit stuck. I mean, there's no rush...but I've been home for 10 years now...which have been good years...but I need to get out of this bubble and into the real world a bit. I had thought about taking the Special Needs Education Assistant course last summer...but they didn't have a start date for it out here yet. It ended up starting this past January...so I'm thinking that the next intake would be this Jan. Its 16months long, in the evenings and on weekends...which would be totally ideal for me! Then when I did work, I'd only have to work when my kids are in school. We'd have the same holidays and everything...which would be very ideal. So I don't know. Maybe with all that has happened, this is what God is pointing me towards...if it all was a bit more clear! Maybe I need to just not worry about it either...who knows! But its an option...the only thing that would suck...is that the courses that I'm upgrading in...are not pre-requisites for the Special Needs Educational Assistant course...nope, they want English 12...which I have...but I'm not sure about my final grade in it... AHHHHHH!!!!

I just have to keep remembering...God never gives us more than we can handle. Actually, I find it kind of funny how things have turned out...my life is His, not my own...so why should it go as I have it planned to go...He's got my life planned all out, He knows my future...I just wish He'd let me in on the plans a little bit more...haha! Have a great day everyone!

How things change!

2007-06-15T17:10:00.000-07:00

Its amazing how much things can change in a day!!! Last night, after my big vent on here, I went for a long walk...that helped for the most part I think. Plus I know that there are people out there praying for me, and I appreciate that soooo much! And I was reminded that alot of my feelings were an attack by "you know who"...so I didn't want him to win, so I needed to snap myself out of it. By the time I went to bed, I was feeling alot better.

So today, I went to the college to work on my Biology. I don't have to go, as I'm in a self-paced course...but my instructor said that she would like to see me there every once in a while, just to keep my motivated. Well after I was done, I went and talked to an educational advisor about the LPN program and how I misplaced my letter for volunteer hours. She put her head down and said..."oh boy, I have to tell you something"...I'm thinking that I'm in trouble or something! She said the the LPN program has now been postponed until Jan. 2009!!! Ahhhh! It was already postponed from this Sept to Jan 2008! So it looks like I won't be going to school in the next year at all. In some ways I'm not happy about it...and in others, I think its a blessing in disguise. I had mixed feelings about going, because Rowyn is only in school for half days for kindergarten this fall, and I'd have to send him to a sitter for the time he wasn't in school. Now I don't...so that'll save us some money, and he'll be with me. I'm not sure how I feel really...I really don't feel anything. I guess God knows better than me as to what I'm suppose to be doing with my life right now. Maybe something else will come up...its in HIS hands, it always is, although I forget that most of the time.

So thats about it. Now there's no rush to get this upgrading done...but I'm still going to do it. I've paid my fees and paid for my books...so I might as well do it!!

Why can't I just be happy?

2007-06-14T18:21:00.000-07:00

What the heck is wrong with me? Well I know to a certain degree...but why can't I just be happy here for more than a week? I'm miserable!! I'm so bored. I don't know what to do with myself anymore!! Yes, I could work on my house...but you know what...I'm so SICK and TIRED of working on my house. I'm starting to really despise this house. And yes, I know it was a good investment...yada yada! I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel so "stuck" out here. Those of you who grew up here...I know you don't get it, and thats alright. But I just feel stuck...stuck with no way of getting unstuck...I hate it. I'll feel fine for a few days...and then everything just gets to me and I just want to leave. Everyone seems happy out here except for me!!! Why can't I be happy out here...truly happy?? I thought I was getting better...I thought I was finally truly accepting my being here...but I just can't. I don't know what is real anymore...the happiness of one week, or the lonliness and sadness of the next? I don't expect anyone to understand...I don't understand it myself for the most part. I just feel so helpless...like I'm stuck here forever...and I'm not saying that its a bad place to be stuck...I just know that I can't be here forever. I need more to do. I don't mean to sound vain either...I just feel so far away from the rest of the world out here. Maybe this is just a bad day...I don't know. As some of you know...I was diagnosed with depression a while back...I'm on meds for it...and for the most part they've been working great...but somedays, my emotions get the best of me. I just don't know...and I hate not knowing why I must feel like this from time to time. Its not fun...I want to be happy about where I'm at...but I'm not. Two posts ago I was on cloud nine...now look at me. I hate this so much!!!! God help me!!

What have I gotten myself into? (some venting)

2007-06-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

Well I've started with my upgrading. Bio 12 and Math 10. I had my math...but my mark wasn't "good enough"...so I have to work on it. I thought I had Bio 12...but didn't. So now I'm in the process of trying to get back into the mindset of doing homework and studying. I have one thing to say about it so far...I HATE IT!!!!!!! I just read the first chapter in my bio textbook, then tried to answer the questions in the study guide. I had no clue what they were talking about...well pretty much anyways. I couldn't answer a darn question right! I knew this was going to happen and it scares the crap out of me to think that I want to be a nurse! I have so many doubts about this, and this is only the beginning and I'm feeling overwhelmed about it all. I've never been the scholarly type...never. So school intimidates me. I mean I wasn't a bad student...but I wasn't the greatest either. I don't enjoy reading because what I read doesn't ever seem to sink into this brain of mine!! I hate it. Its so frustrating. It makes me feel very helpless and hopeless about my future in nursing. I knew this was going to happen. It makes me sad. I wish I loved school, loved learning new things...which I do in some respect...but not like some (my sister!!). I wish things came easy for me, and some things do...but obviously others don't! Plus I can see that this is going to be very hard on my family...me studying every evening. It makes me doubt whether or not this is a good idea. I've wanted to do this for a few years now...but maybe I should wait a bit longer. I don't know. I'm just so unsure right now. I know that I have little faith in myself when it comes to succeeding...thats something that I need to change...but how? I'm just really upset about this all right now...I feel that I've gotten myself in over my head!

Facebook and Floods!

2007-06-07T23:19:00.000-07:00

Ok...I cannot even explain this all nor do I really want to cause it would take forever, plus its personal...but I have to say, I am LOVING facebook! I met the most amazing person...we have so much in common! Almost everything that has happened to me in this past year, has happened to her as well! I am totally blown away! You have no idea! Wow!

The flooding around here is getting worse. Tonight we went out for a look and we actually saw a deer stuck in the raging water. It was alive and actually, miraculously made it through the roughest part under the bridge...if you live here, you know what part I'm talking about. It was still alive and swimming towards the river bank...I don't know if it ever got out...but it was amazing, even though it made me sick...I know its just a deer, but still! I'm a sucker for animals, wild or not!

My life has just taken a huge turn around this past week, I'm just in awe of how God works. Amazing friends both here and in other parts of the country, the power and destruction of water, everything! I sit here with my mouth turned up from ear to ear! Life is really good right now...even with all the chaos going on around me!

AHHHHHHHHHH!

2007-06-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like running away? Thats how I feel today. I just need some time away from everyone in this house. Don't get me wrong...I love them all more than life itself...but somedays...enough is enough!! I don't normally complain about my kids much (or I atleast try not to) but today has just been one of those days, you know? Everybody's whiny, they seem to think they'll get whatever they ask for, and my answers are not usually what they want to hear...and if they don't get what they want, I suffer for the rest of the day with attitudes, crying, and whining! I don't know if its just all the tension in the air or what. Things are crazy around town, and I think everyone is on edge. We're dealing with some pretty big things around town these days...flooding being the major issue, with landslides and road closers all around...there is no way out of here, unless you fly! Its crazy. So maybe that has something to do with me, and the kids. I don't know. I just want to scream!!!

I also think that because I'm starting into a new phase of my life, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all. I just registered for two classes that I need as pre-requisites for my LPN course in January...Biology and Math. The biology I'm interested in...but the math...not so much. So I have that to do this summer, as well as get 30 hours of volunteer work done by the end of July...I haven't even called to set that up yet. Put eye appts, Dr's appts and dentist appts in the mix and I feel like my head is going to pop off! We also bought a different vehicle, so we want to sell our van, but there are things that need to get done with that before we sell it...new headlight, replace the fog lights...maybe the windshield, etc. And Jason's parents are coming down for a month...so I'm feeling a bit crazier than normal! Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to their visit...I just have so much else that I need to do while they're here, that I hadn't really planned on. My life is pretty uneventful and all of a sudden it seems like I'm busier than I've ever been. Plus I've finally come out of my cocoon and actually have a social life once again...that feels great though. There just aren't enough hours in a day it seems. I guess I can't say that I'm bored!

We went a checked out our raging Skeena River today...man its nutts out there. HUGE trees just pop up out of the water after being sucked down over and over again. Trees with the roots still attached. Everyone in town is out and about checking out the river. It just seems that the town is really busy, which I'm sure it is, and I'm sure there are alot of people stranded here because of the situation. It just doesn't feel "normal" around here these days...atleast not to me.

Well thats my little rant for the evening. I'm going to sit back, put my feet up and try to do...nothing at all!

Hokey Doodle!

2007-06-01T17:35:00.000-07:00

Ok...so many of you are on facebook. Many of you belong to certain "groups" and such. I'm in a few, but not alot. One is called "City and Colour and other great works of Dallas Green". I only belong to this group because he is my favorite singer of all time! I've only left one comment...but it was a nice one. So many people on these discussion boards talk such crap...but I didn't, cause really, whats the point and I'm not into that kind of stuff anyways. I just said how much we (Jason and I) love his music and his talent, etc. He dates a certain someone from Much Music...so there's alot of talk on there, trashing her, etc. I had mentioned that it didn't matter who he dates...thats his business, what does matter is why we like his music, yada yada. Well today, I got an email from his sister! She thanked me for my comment and some other stuff. I was shocked...but so happy. She loves her brother to pieces and she was just so happy to see someone leave a nice comment. It just made my day! I can't imagine being famous and adored by thousands of people. We love his music...and when we saw him live...he seemed like the most gracious person, he was SO thankful to be able to do what he loves, and to make a decent living at it. He was so humble. So it was nice to see that his sister cares so much about him that she would send an email thanking a fan on their kind words and thoughts.

KEEN (a post about shoes! haha!)

2007-05-25T23:38:00.000-07:00

If none of you have heard of KEEN...let me tell you about it/them! They are the most comfortable shoes I have EVER had! Really, truly, honestly! I bought a pair of boots at christmas and it was like they were made just for me...the were already broken in, never got a blister, soar feet...nothing! I loved them, and usually I don't like boots, I don't like the way they feel around my ankle. Soooo, I talked to Jason and told him about a pair of slip on KEEN's that I had seen and that my friend has...not to copy her...she showed me hers and I said..."those are the ones I want!" She has the same shoes as my boots too! So he said that I could go buy myself some since he didn't get me a mother's day present (not that he has to...but hey, great excuse to go shopping for myself!) I went there and because they're such a good shoe, she was out of my size in the ones that I wanted...and most other styles. She just can't keep up she says and the factory is done making their summer line...so no luck in even ordering some! So I was a bit disappointed. But then she brought out a few others for me to try in my size. Well, she brought out a pair of trail runners. I had seen them on the KEEN website and thought they were cool. I had just bought new runners last summer...but have never loved them, and didn't pay a whole lot for them, and they're just not that comfortable. So I tried them on...oh my! So now I am the proud owner of a new pair of KEEN trail runners. I've already gone for two walks with them and they are awesome. I swear...these shoes are the best thing that I've ever put my feet into! So if you're in the market for a great pair of shoes...get KEEN! (I got the green ones...thats all she had, they're brighter than in this pic....LOVE them!) Some may think they're ugly...but I don't care...they're funky and comfy and thats all that matters!

www.keenfootwear.com

A Great Day!

2007-05-25T16:55:00.000-07:00

I had a great day today (so far anyways). I got a little bit further in my pre-requisites for the LPN program...I'm almost there, just a few more things to get done! And I got to visit with a great friend. Thanks for lunch Christy and thanks for the visit...it was great! See you sunday for sure...if not sooner!