Wow! It has been just over eight months since I blogged! That is crazy! Where has the time gone? Well its flown by with my nose in the books and in other places that one should not talk about! Haha...wiping bums, giving injections, stuff like that!
Yes, life has been a rollercoaster ride for the most of the past few months. School has been fun, hard, exciting, challenging, eye opening and rewarding! I'm about to begin my third and final semester tomorrow! Its going to be a very fast paced couple of months...I hope that I'm up for the challenge! I'm not sure what its all going to bring...more tears, laughter and nervousness I'm sure! I have a new instructor so I'm kind of wondering how she will be...our favorite...well most of us in the class had a favorite instructor, she quit due to some idiots in our class. She was an amazing teacher and we are all at a disadvantage with her gone.
I'm actually scared a bit about this last a final semester...this is it...this is what I have wanted for so many years...its almost over with...can I do it? Will I chicken out once it comes time to actually put it all into practice for real? I hope not!
I was talking with a girl today that took the course last year. She was also in my Care Aid course a couple years back, she failed the national exam...not once, but twice...so now she has given up on being a nurse! It scares me that I could be like that...that that could happen to me! I have given up so much to do this...and I don't want it to all be for nothing. I have a student loan that needs to be paid off after this...family time has been lost that I will never get back...friendships have been neglected that I hope will still be there once this is over with...a marriage that has shown its strength of which I am very grateful for. So much lost, but also gained. So if you could remember to pray for me during the next few months...I would be very grateful to you!
Well I just wanted to say that yes, I am alive and well and still living on planet earth! I hope that you are all well...anyone who reads this! Hopefully I can update this on a regular basis...I've missed it!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Its been that long?
Happy New Year!
I can't believe that its been almost two months since I last updated this thing! Life has been busy, and crazy, what can I say?
~hubby's back at work...he was off for 12 weeks...ugh, but he's back at it (actually, he's been on
holidays this past week...haha) He was found 100% innocent (who'da thunk it...dummies) of
any wrong doing. There is still stuff going on that is retarded, but he's back at it, so thats good!
~I finished my crazy Bio course on Dec 18th...the last day I had left to get it done! Finished with
a B+ :)
~we went into the bush and cut down our own "perfect for us" christmas tree this Christmas...it
was a lot of fun!
~I start my LPN course on monday...can't believe the time is already here.
~I may have to postpone my course until Sept due to something that we are praying very hard
for, but we will have to see, we won't know anything for the next couple of weeks...and NO I
am not pregnant! Lol!
I'd love to post more about life in general, but I'll save it for another time! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I hope that 2010 blesses you all!
I can't believe that its been almost two months since I last updated this thing! Life has been busy, and crazy, what can I say?
~hubby's back at work...he was off for 12 weeks...ugh, but he's back at it (actually, he's been on
holidays this past week...haha) He was found 100% innocent (who'da thunk it...dummies) of
any wrong doing. There is still stuff going on that is retarded, but he's back at it, so thats good!
~I finished my crazy Bio course on Dec 18th...the last day I had left to get it done! Finished with
a B+ :)
~we went into the bush and cut down our own "perfect for us" christmas tree this Christmas...it
was a lot of fun!
~I start my LPN course on monday...can't believe the time is already here.
~I may have to postpone my course until Sept due to something that we are praying very hard
for, but we will have to see, we won't know anything for the next couple of weeks...and NO I
am not pregnant! Lol!
I'd love to post more about life in general, but I'll save it for another time! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I hope that 2010 blesses you all!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
This, that...and some more kaka...
It is late and I can't sleep. I had quite the nap this afternoon...wasn't feeling too great, upset stomached, headache...just blah. I've had a lot on my mind as of late...well for a quite a while now and you "lucky" readers are going to hear some it right now...
So, I had some grandious plan of reviewing and making all of my study notes for the next 4 units of my upgrading that I had started in spring. I had August off and was going to read and make notes and then start September off with writing an exam and then another once a week until I was done. That plan disappeared and now here I sit, almost the middle of November with one exam under my belt and four more to go by December 18th. Here are a few of my excuses...
1. August was spent with my family, hanging out, doing nothing...whats wrong with that?
2. We had company in Sept...twice...who wants to study when you have company?
3. My kids have been sick here and there off and on...I think they've only gone to school for an entire week each once since school started!!! Ugh!
4. My husband has been home from work for 6.5 weeks now. I won't go into too many details, because you just never know who is reading this out there. Lets just say that he has been dealt a pretty lousy hand and has been treated very unfairly and that we are praying and waiting for justice to be done! A lot of lies and backstabbing has been going on with all of this. We are also praying that he will have a new job where he is appreciated and valued for his opinion, work ethic and honesty very soon! (I had written a bit more about what was going on...and had been a bit more "meaner" in what I wrote...but then I though that I had to "be kind and rewind"...so thats what I did...it just doesn't sound as nasty as it really is...oh well...like I said..."you never know who...")
5. We went home to Saskatoon for thanksgiving. It was exactly what we needed...being back in our hometown...just seeing familiar places, how things have changed, spending time with family and friends and not having to think about any of the crap going on here...it was great! But then we came back home....
6. I have been DISTRACTED! Just a little bit don't ya think?
There is more to my distraction than these six reason's...but I think six is good enough for today!
So much has gone on in the past two months...it is unreal. I get tired just thinking about it all! I KNOW that part of this is meant to be a distraction from the enemy...I am trying my hardest to not let him win. I am almost at the point where I can taste the achievement of the goal that I have been striving for...and there is no way in hell that I will let that bugger win! I also know that what we have been going through will only make us stronger...and will maybe even build a bit of character...whether I enjoy it or not! Also whether I appreciate it or not!
Right now I have a sick boy who was immunized last week. He sounds as if he has croup, and he has a pretty bad fever going on...thankfully it seems ok for now. (I really don't want to hear anyone's opinion on the immunization right now...I think that everyone needs to do what is right for them and their family's and need to leave everyone else to their own decisions, whether you agree or not...I'm tired of hearing about it...and my family is my family and someone elses opinion plays so affect on what we do!)
I am past the point of crying about all of this. I am just starting to get impatient and angry with it all. I was so looking forward to the kids going back to school so we could have some sort of routine...but that is not happening! Having my husband home...as much as I love him...is not fun! He is suppose to be at work while I have my day to do the things that I need to get done, and to do the things that need to get done around the house. With him here, its just different and things don't get done like they should!
I just want life to get back to "normal"...my normal...
I don't know what to pray for anymore. So many thoughts go through my head at the same time that it all just gets jumbled up into a big ball of craziness! I can't concentrate on proper prayers (whatever those might actually be...I don't know)...so whatever I think in the moment, I hope God is getting it and that he can unscramble it to make some sort of sense! I am mentally and emotionally drained...having a sick kid, as sick as he is...I am finding that I don't have much compassion left in me...and that is so not like me when it comes to my kids not feeling well. Its quite sad to tell you the truth. I think that I need a good looooonnnnnng cry...but I never seem to have a moment long enough to myself to do that!
The stress of all that has happened is showing in the kids as well...especially my oldest. Its hard enough having her grow up (she just turned 12) and having her emotions and hormones all out of whack as it is...then to put the strain of all this crap on top of it...I tell ya, it makes for some "fun" times around this house!
If you think of us...please just send up a prayer on our behalf...that would be great!
Whatever you are going through yourselves...I hope and pray that you are well! We need to support eachother in these rough times...but we also need to remember to support eachother through the good as well!
I've had this song playing in my head for the past couple of days...I think many of us need some healing rain these days...
Healing Rain ~ Micheal W. Smith
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this cry heart with healing rain
And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
To be washed in Heaven's rain...
Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...
So, I had some grandious plan of reviewing and making all of my study notes for the next 4 units of my upgrading that I had started in spring. I had August off and was going to read and make notes and then start September off with writing an exam and then another once a week until I was done. That plan disappeared and now here I sit, almost the middle of November with one exam under my belt and four more to go by December 18th. Here are a few of my excuses...
1. August was spent with my family, hanging out, doing nothing...whats wrong with that?
2. We had company in Sept...twice...who wants to study when you have company?
3. My kids have been sick here and there off and on...I think they've only gone to school for an entire week each once since school started!!! Ugh!
4. My husband has been home from work for 6.5 weeks now. I won't go into too many details, because you just never know who is reading this out there. Lets just say that he has been dealt a pretty lousy hand and has been treated very unfairly and that we are praying and waiting for justice to be done! A lot of lies and backstabbing has been going on with all of this. We are also praying that he will have a new job where he is appreciated and valued for his opinion, work ethic and honesty very soon! (I had written a bit more about what was going on...and had been a bit more "meaner" in what I wrote...but then I though that I had to "be kind and rewind"...so thats what I did...it just doesn't sound as nasty as it really is...oh well...like I said..."you never know who...")
5. We went home to Saskatoon for thanksgiving. It was exactly what we needed...being back in our hometown...just seeing familiar places, how things have changed, spending time with family and friends and not having to think about any of the crap going on here...it was great! But then we came back home....
6. I have been DISTRACTED! Just a little bit don't ya think?
There is more to my distraction than these six reason's...but I think six is good enough for today!
So much has gone on in the past two months...it is unreal. I get tired just thinking about it all! I KNOW that part of this is meant to be a distraction from the enemy...I am trying my hardest to not let him win. I am almost at the point where I can taste the achievement of the goal that I have been striving for...and there is no way in hell that I will let that bugger win! I also know that what we have been going through will only make us stronger...and will maybe even build a bit of character...whether I enjoy it or not! Also whether I appreciate it or not!
Right now I have a sick boy who was immunized last week. He sounds as if he has croup, and he has a pretty bad fever going on...thankfully it seems ok for now. (I really don't want to hear anyone's opinion on the immunization right now...I think that everyone needs to do what is right for them and their family's and need to leave everyone else to their own decisions, whether you agree or not...I'm tired of hearing about it...and my family is my family and someone elses opinion plays so affect on what we do!)
I am past the point of crying about all of this. I am just starting to get impatient and angry with it all. I was so looking forward to the kids going back to school so we could have some sort of routine...but that is not happening! Having my husband home...as much as I love him...is not fun! He is suppose to be at work while I have my day to do the things that I need to get done, and to do the things that need to get done around the house. With him here, its just different and things don't get done like they should!
I just want life to get back to "normal"...my normal...
I don't know what to pray for anymore. So many thoughts go through my head at the same time that it all just gets jumbled up into a big ball of craziness! I can't concentrate on proper prayers (whatever those might actually be...I don't know)...so whatever I think in the moment, I hope God is getting it and that he can unscramble it to make some sort of sense! I am mentally and emotionally drained...having a sick kid, as sick as he is...I am finding that I don't have much compassion left in me...and that is so not like me when it comes to my kids not feeling well. Its quite sad to tell you the truth. I think that I need a good looooonnnnnng cry...but I never seem to have a moment long enough to myself to do that!
The stress of all that has happened is showing in the kids as well...especially my oldest. Its hard enough having her grow up (she just turned 12) and having her emotions and hormones all out of whack as it is...then to put the strain of all this crap on top of it...I tell ya, it makes for some "fun" times around this house!
If you think of us...please just send up a prayer on our behalf...that would be great!
Whatever you are going through yourselves...I hope and pray that you are well! We need to support eachother in these rough times...but we also need to remember to support eachother through the good as well!
I've had this song playing in my head for the past couple of days...I think many of us need some healing rain these days...
Healing Rain ~ Micheal W. Smith
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this cry heart with healing rain
And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
To be washed in Heaven's rain...
Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Your Faithfulness I don't know what this day will bring Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things? I don't know what tomorrow holds Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness I don't know if these clouds mean rain If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain? I don't know what the future holds Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness Certain as the rivers reach the sea Certain as the sunrise in the east I can rest in your faithfulness Surer than a mother's tender love Surer than the stars still shine above I can rest in your faithfulness I don't know how or when I'll die Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye? No, I don't know how much time is left But in the end, I will know your faithfulness When darkness overwhelms my soul When thoughts and storms of doubt Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful Certain as the rivers reach the sea Certain as the sunrise in the east I can rest in your faithfulness Surer than a mother's tender love Surer than the stars still shine above I can rest in your faithfulness I don't know what this day will bring Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things? I don't know what tomorrow holds Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness |
A good friend sent this song to me today, and I thank her for it! I bawled the entire time that I listened to it. Another friend of mine found out that she had miscarried and wrote a "note on FB about praising God even in the rainstorm...how she was strumming her guitar one nightwhile everyone was asleep and how God asked her,"will you praise me in the storm?"...she didn't know what it all meant at the time, as they have been going through some rough patches as well, and she still praised him through that... but after she learned that her baby didn't have a heartbeat...she knew exactly what He was asking of her. She IS praising him through the storm...and I too am going to do my best to praise him through this storm. He is faithful, even when I am not...or have little to no faith at times... HE IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL! |
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Psalm 140
1 Rescue me, O LORD, from evil men;
protect me from men of violence,
1 Rescue me, O LORD, from evil men;
protect me from men of violence,
2 who devise evil plans in their hearts
and stir up war every day.
3 They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent's;
the poison of vipers is on their lips.
Selah
4 Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked;
protect me from men of violence
who plan to trip my feet.
5 Proud men have hidden a snare for me;
they have spread out the cords of their net
and have set traps for me along my path.
Selah
6 O LORD, I say to you, "You are my God."
Hear, O LORD, my cry for mercy.
7 O Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer,
who shields my head in the day of battle-
8 do not grant the wicked their desires, O LORD;
do not let their plans succeed,
or they will become proud.
Selah
9 Let the heads of those who surround me
be covered with the trouble their lips have caused.
10 Let burning coals fall upon them;
may they be thrown into the fire,
into miry pits, never to rise.
11 Let slanderers not be established in the land;
may disaster hunt down men of violence.
12 I know that the LORD secures justice for the poor
and upholds the cause of the needy.
13 Surely the righteous will praise your name
and the upright will live before you.
This is what I am praying for. It may sound brutal...but David went through the same thing that my husband and some of his co-workers are going through. Having their good names slandered in order for someone else to get ahead in their own life. I have never ever seen such malisciousness as I have seen over the past few weeks. Trying to ruin other people's lives and careers just for your own selfish self...it is dispicable beyond comprehension! This person and his sidekick are supposive christians...well they supposively go to the same church, so I assume that they are christians. It makes me literally sick to know that they can walk into a church from week to week and then turn around and be the way they are in the workplace! I know that we as humans are not perfect...no one is...but I have never seen anything like this before! I am trying to have faith...the type of faith that can move mountains...but there are moments, many moments where I feel that there is no point to having any faith at all. I feel as if my husband and my family has been put through the wringer! He and the other guys involved have done nothing to deserve this...absolutely nothing!!!!! May I repeat...NOTHING!!!!
I am so tired and frustrated with everything out here! I had finally come to the point where I felt at peace out here...I knew that there was a light at the end for us. Now I just want to run away and never come back! But...that is exactly what these losers want us to do. They want to make it so my husband gets so fed up that he quits...well, news flash...its not going to happen. He is not going to let the losers (that is my nice name for the two of them) win!! Your prayers are appreciated if you think of us!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Prayer...
Hey everyone!
I just wanted to put out a prayer request for J's brother and sister in law and their children. They are in Indonesia doing missionary work and they are being plagued with sickness continually. Right now Karen (the mom) has malaria and the children have had everything from malaria to dengue fever and more! This has been going on for quite some time now(the past month). Currently one of the boys is sick and they are not sure what it is yet. I ask you all to pray for this family and that God would bring some long term healing to them! Thankyou
I just wanted to put out a prayer request for J's brother and sister in law and their children. They are in Indonesia doing missionary work and they are being plagued with sickness continually. Right now Karen (the mom) has malaria and the children have had everything from malaria to dengue fever and more! This has been going on for quite some time now(the past month). Currently one of the boys is sick and they are not sure what it is yet. I ask you all to pray for this family and that God would bring some long term healing to them! Thankyou
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
He's Always Faithful!
Its been a while hey? Not sure if anyone even reads this thing anymore!
So, looks like I'm going to be busy as of January...busier than busy! I HAVE been accepted into the LPN course!!! Yahoo, yippee, woo hoo...you get the idea:) I don't have my "official" letter of acceptance, but I did talk with the lady that decides yay or nay as to who gets into the course and she told me that I was in her "pile". So I asked if that was a good thing or not! Obviously it was the yay pile! I still have to get the second half of my Biology done, which I have until Dec 18th to finish...but I'm hoping and planning on not taking that long! We'll see I guess!
I am very happy about all of this. I have wanted and talked about taking this course for a long, long, long time! When I had first thought of it...Rowyn was just a baby, I may have planned on it before that, I don't know...like I said, its been a long time in the making! Its been a very emotional rollercoaster for me. There are times that I have just wanted to give up...like I have in so many other areas in my life...but I KNOW that people have been praying for me! It has meant the world to me to have the prayers of my parents, my sister, my friends behind me! I wish that I could express my gratitude! Teaching yourself Biology...well trying to understand Biology on your own is not easy... not for me anyways! It is paying off though, my interim mark was a B...I needed a C...so it was all good:) I am kind of looking forward to the second half of the Bio, as it deals more with anatomy and body systems...the first half was basically all molecular stuff...ugh!!! But that is now done, thank goodness!
Lately, I have been looking ahead to the future. Wondering where this is all going to go. We have plans...not 100% plans, but I am looking forward to them. None of them will happen though without a lot of faith and prayers. Something I'm not so good at most of the time...having faith, and praying in ALL things! I must admit that living out here has been a major growing, stretching, faith building experience...and sometimes, downright defeating as well! I have lost friends from the past and the present, pissed people off, made some people say "huh"?, and have had others shaking their heads. Such is life. I am finally learning, at almost 35 yrs old, that I don't live for anyone but God! Of course I need to treat myself right as well as my husband and children...but other than that (no offense to anyone) what I do is my business, whether people agree, or not! It doesn't matter. I've let it matter for sooooooo long...but when you get right down to it...it doesn't. People may not like my decisions, that is fine, you don't have to! I make my decisions on what is right for me and my family...not what is right for you, or for what you think I should be doing instead. Ok...I'm going in a different direction here all of a sudden...better stop while I'm ahead!
Life is too short to live with regrets! Although I would love to just pick up and move right at this moment...I would have regretted not finishing what I had started. I remember when I knew that we were going to move out here, one of the first things I did was to see if they had a college, and if that college offered the LPN program. It did!
As almost all of you know. I have not been happy out here for a long time. I still have days where I wish we never moved here...but, a lot of things wouldn't have happened in my life if we hadn't. We have grown closer as a family unit. We have not been able to rely on family members for "time outs" from our kids, or vise versa (lets admit, there are days when they need a break from mom and dad too) and some days that has been very hard. Of course I miss having my parents nearby, as well as my sister...but I've also enjoyed our independence from them as well. It has been a struggle, there have been times where I have honestly just wanted to walk out the door...wanted to walk away from everything and everyone! Scary? Yes! Tell me about it! I haven't shared that with many people, so I'm sharing it now...whether people believe it or not...doesn't matter.
Thankfully through all of this...God is proving and will always prove to be faithful! I truly believe that me going to school in January is our last step out here until we will be able to move on to somewhere else. Why I believe that? I'm not sure...but deep down, something tells me that "this" is it! So it gives me hope. This has been the plan for my life for a long time...and for a while I forgot about it. I know that being an LPN isn't some wonderful feat in some people's eyes...but for me, it has been my goal...well part of my goal. I eventually would like to be an Operating Room Technician...but that's a couple of more years down the road. My main goal though, all along was to get my LPN certificate. A lot of people have been telling me that I'll want to keep going and get my RN...I'm not so sure about that. Another three or four years of school does not sound that appealing to me...especially when I probably wouldn't graduate until my early 40's! Eeek! That doesn't appeal to me at all!
For now, I am content to know that I will be done school in December 2010! After that, who know's what will happen. It may take a few months...but I am ready for whatever, and wherever God decides to take us!
So, looks like I'm going to be busy as of January...busier than busy! I HAVE been accepted into the LPN course!!! Yahoo, yippee, woo hoo...you get the idea:) I don't have my "official" letter of acceptance, but I did talk with the lady that decides yay or nay as to who gets into the course and she told me that I was in her "pile". So I asked if that was a good thing or not! Obviously it was the yay pile! I still have to get the second half of my Biology done, which I have until Dec 18th to finish...but I'm hoping and planning on not taking that long! We'll see I guess!
I am very happy about all of this. I have wanted and talked about taking this course for a long, long, long time! When I had first thought of it...Rowyn was just a baby, I may have planned on it before that, I don't know...like I said, its been a long time in the making! Its been a very emotional rollercoaster for me. There are times that I have just wanted to give up...like I have in so many other areas in my life...but I KNOW that people have been praying for me! It has meant the world to me to have the prayers of my parents, my sister, my friends behind me! I wish that I could express my gratitude! Teaching yourself Biology...well trying to understand Biology on your own is not easy... not for me anyways! It is paying off though, my interim mark was a B...I needed a C...so it was all good:) I am kind of looking forward to the second half of the Bio, as it deals more with anatomy and body systems...the first half was basically all molecular stuff...ugh!!! But that is now done, thank goodness!
Lately, I have been looking ahead to the future. Wondering where this is all going to go. We have plans...not 100% plans, but I am looking forward to them. None of them will happen though without a lot of faith and prayers. Something I'm not so good at most of the time...having faith, and praying in ALL things! I must admit that living out here has been a major growing, stretching, faith building experience...and sometimes, downright defeating as well! I have lost friends from the past and the present, pissed people off, made some people say "huh"?, and have had others shaking their heads. Such is life. I am finally learning, at almost 35 yrs old, that I don't live for anyone but God! Of course I need to treat myself right as well as my husband and children...but other than that (no offense to anyone) what I do is my business, whether people agree, or not! It doesn't matter. I've let it matter for sooooooo long...but when you get right down to it...it doesn't. People may not like my decisions, that is fine, you don't have to! I make my decisions on what is right for me and my family...not what is right for you, or for what you think I should be doing instead. Ok...I'm going in a different direction here all of a sudden...better stop while I'm ahead!
Life is too short to live with regrets! Although I would love to just pick up and move right at this moment...I would have regretted not finishing what I had started. I remember when I knew that we were going to move out here, one of the first things I did was to see if they had a college, and if that college offered the LPN program. It did!
As almost all of you know. I have not been happy out here for a long time. I still have days where I wish we never moved here...but, a lot of things wouldn't have happened in my life if we hadn't. We have grown closer as a family unit. We have not been able to rely on family members for "time outs" from our kids, or vise versa (lets admit, there are days when they need a break from mom and dad too) and some days that has been very hard. Of course I miss having my parents nearby, as well as my sister...but I've also enjoyed our independence from them as well. It has been a struggle, there have been times where I have honestly just wanted to walk out the door...wanted to walk away from everything and everyone! Scary? Yes! Tell me about it! I haven't shared that with many people, so I'm sharing it now...whether people believe it or not...doesn't matter.
Thankfully through all of this...God is proving and will always prove to be faithful! I truly believe that me going to school in January is our last step out here until we will be able to move on to somewhere else. Why I believe that? I'm not sure...but deep down, something tells me that "this" is it! So it gives me hope. This has been the plan for my life for a long time...and for a while I forgot about it. I know that being an LPN isn't some wonderful feat in some people's eyes...but for me, it has been my goal...well part of my goal. I eventually would like to be an Operating Room Technician...but that's a couple of more years down the road. My main goal though, all along was to get my LPN certificate. A lot of people have been telling me that I'll want to keep going and get my RN...I'm not so sure about that. Another three or four years of school does not sound that appealing to me...especially when I probably wouldn't graduate until my early 40's! Eeek! That doesn't appeal to me at all!
For now, I am content to know that I will be done school in December 2010! After that, who know's what will happen. It may take a few months...but I am ready for whatever, and wherever God decides to take us!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Conversation in the van...
While me and my son were out and about today...we some how started talking about the tides. He knew that the tides were affected by the moon, but asked me how.
I said that I wasn't quite sure how that all worked.
He said, "Well the boss knows"!
I said, "yes, he does"!
He said, "You know who the boss is don't you"?
I said, "Yes, I do! He even knows how many hairs there are on your head"!
He said, "I know that...and he knows how many hairs there are on dad's chest"!!!!
I just about peed myself! Where does this kid get this stuff? Haha!
One time I was showing him a picture of his dad when he was about in grade 7 or so, I asked Rowyn if he knew who that was and he said that he didn't. I told him that it was his dad. He then replied with, "DAD WAS BLACK"????? Hahahahaha! Jason has a pretty dark tan in the picture...but he is not black...that kid...always making me smile and laugh!
I said that I wasn't quite sure how that all worked.
He said, "Well the boss knows"!
I said, "yes, he does"!
He said, "You know who the boss is don't you"?
I said, "Yes, I do! He even knows how many hairs there are on your head"!
He said, "I know that...and he knows how many hairs there are on dad's chest"!!!!
I just about peed myself! Where does this kid get this stuff? Haha!
One time I was showing him a picture of his dad when he was about in grade 7 or so, I asked Rowyn if he knew who that was and he said that he didn't. I told him that it was his dad. He then replied with, "DAD WAS BLACK"????? Hahahahaha! Jason has a pretty dark tan in the picture...but he is not black...that kid...always making me smile and laugh!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Swimming the Skeena...Talk about "Doing" something...WOW!!!
I heard a bit about this woman (click on woman...it doesn't highlight very well on here) on CBC radio a week or so ago...kind of forgot about it until I was driving along the Skeena yesterday to take my daughter to camp. Is she crazy? I don't know...but atleast she's trying to make a difference and isn't just "talking" about it!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
What do you think?
Every time I catch 'Dog the Bounty Hunter' I always find myself comparing these two guys...
Its the hair! I always think of Manny the Mammoth's hair when I look at Dog...it makes me laugh! Dog must have enjoyed the Ice Age movies!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
So.......
Well...I think I have finally figured out a few things in my life. I think I may almost feel at peace about it too...which is a wonderful, wonderful feeling!!!
As a few of you know, I had applied to take the LPN course out here about two years ago (it would have started in Jan of 08) unfortunately, it was cancelled due to the college revamping the course, etc. Needless to say I was disappointed. I have wanted to take an LPN course for over five years now, before I even moved out here...but Saskatoon didn't offer it at the time. I ended up taking the Home Support/Resident Care Aide course instead...it was half the length of the LPN (only six months instead of twelve) and was a good introduction into working in the health field. As I look back, I honestly don't think that I would have lasted twelve months straight through in school, as I hadn't been in school for quite some time! I probably would've dropped out. With taking the Care Aide course, I realized that I could do it! I've never had much confidence in myself when it came to school...I had a hard time in highschool...and I didn't enjoy the learning part that much...just the socializing:) When I went to hairdressing school, I graduated at the top of my class. I think wanting to do something over having to do something makes a huge difference! So last year, since it was my choice to be in school...I ended up graduating with Honors...would would've thunk it? Not me! Lol! So, I now know that I CAN do it! I am smart!
My last few posts have been mostly about leaving here. Someday, I hope we can, but until then, I NEED to make the best of it while I'm here! Last night I couldn't sleep. I started thinking about the LPN program again. I looked online at the one in Saskatoon...since lately, we've been kind of thinking of "home". At the moment, they are not taking any apps for next year and none from out of the province...and are going to be making it hard to get into the course by making it not first come first served...but instead who is the most qualified to take the course! That's how they're doing it for most of the course at the college in Saskatoon. Fair? I don't know. The waiting lists are crazy out there! So that wasn't really an option in my eyes. Then I looked at takinig the course through distance ed from a college in Edmonton. I wasn't too sure about doing the courses on my own...and then when I saw how much tuition was for out of province students...I axed that idea right away...its double for out of province students...crazy! In BC, the course is twelve months straight through...its a condensed course. In other provinces its two school years, or approx. 16mths. If I took it anywhere but here, I wouldn't graduate until 2012 if that...where as if I take it here, I'll graduate at the end of 2010!
So...... today I applied for the Jan 2010 LPN course and start upgrading in Bio on monday! Ahhhh!!! Then in Math in Sept. Crazy!!! As much as we've wanted to leave here...nothing seems to be happening. I finally decided that I need to make the best if things while I'm here...and achieving my goals can still be done while I'm here. I don't need to put my life on hold just because I'm not exactly where I want to be. I mean, a lot of people think that I hate it out here...I honestly don't. I just miss being able to see my family and friends from back home more than I do. I feel isolated out here in the winter...plus a few other things, but I don't hate it! A lot has happened in my life while being out here...a lot of mistakes have been made...but a lot of learning has also happened. Its all part of life...the good, the bad and the ugly. I just don't want to let another day go by thinking that I shoulda...but I didn't. If something happens between now and Jan and we end up moving...so be it. Atleast I'm prepared and have a plan if we don't. If I hadn't applied for the course and was still here in Jan...I would've been very upset with myself.
Well, I just wanted to share that with you all. Looks like I'm going to be busy for a while now...that'll be a good thing! I just pray that they don't end up cancelling the course again! That would honestly suck! I thank God for finally giving me the sense to just live and to stop regretting and thinking about things that may never be. He knows what He has planned for my life...all I can do is go to Him for guidance and hope that I'm doing the right thing in His eyes!
As a few of you know, I had applied to take the LPN course out here about two years ago (it would have started in Jan of 08) unfortunately, it was cancelled due to the college revamping the course, etc. Needless to say I was disappointed. I have wanted to take an LPN course for over five years now, before I even moved out here...but Saskatoon didn't offer it at the time. I ended up taking the Home Support/Resident Care Aide course instead...it was half the length of the LPN (only six months instead of twelve) and was a good introduction into working in the health field. As I look back, I honestly don't think that I would have lasted twelve months straight through in school, as I hadn't been in school for quite some time! I probably would've dropped out. With taking the Care Aide course, I realized that I could do it! I've never had much confidence in myself when it came to school...I had a hard time in highschool...and I didn't enjoy the learning part that much...just the socializing:) When I went to hairdressing school, I graduated at the top of my class. I think wanting to do something over having to do something makes a huge difference! So last year, since it was my choice to be in school...I ended up graduating with Honors...would would've thunk it? Not me! Lol! So, I now know that I CAN do it! I am smart!
My last few posts have been mostly about leaving here. Someday, I hope we can, but until then, I NEED to make the best of it while I'm here! Last night I couldn't sleep. I started thinking about the LPN program again. I looked online at the one in Saskatoon...since lately, we've been kind of thinking of "home". At the moment, they are not taking any apps for next year and none from out of the province...and are going to be making it hard to get into the course by making it not first come first served...but instead who is the most qualified to take the course! That's how they're doing it for most of the course at the college in Saskatoon. Fair? I don't know. The waiting lists are crazy out there! So that wasn't really an option in my eyes. Then I looked at takinig the course through distance ed from a college in Edmonton. I wasn't too sure about doing the courses on my own...and then when I saw how much tuition was for out of province students...I axed that idea right away...its double for out of province students...crazy! In BC, the course is twelve months straight through...its a condensed course. In other provinces its two school years, or approx. 16mths. If I took it anywhere but here, I wouldn't graduate until 2012 if that...where as if I take it here, I'll graduate at the end of 2010!
So...... today I applied for the Jan 2010 LPN course and start upgrading in Bio on monday! Ahhhh!!! Then in Math in Sept. Crazy!!! As much as we've wanted to leave here...nothing seems to be happening. I finally decided that I need to make the best if things while I'm here...and achieving my goals can still be done while I'm here. I don't need to put my life on hold just because I'm not exactly where I want to be. I mean, a lot of people think that I hate it out here...I honestly don't. I just miss being able to see my family and friends from back home more than I do. I feel isolated out here in the winter...plus a few other things, but I don't hate it! A lot has happened in my life while being out here...a lot of mistakes have been made...but a lot of learning has also happened. Its all part of life...the good, the bad and the ugly. I just don't want to let another day go by thinking that I shoulda...but I didn't. If something happens between now and Jan and we end up moving...so be it. Atleast I'm prepared and have a plan if we don't. If I hadn't applied for the course and was still here in Jan...I would've been very upset with myself.
Well, I just wanted to share that with you all. Looks like I'm going to be busy for a while now...that'll be a good thing! I just pray that they don't end up cancelling the course again! That would honestly suck! I thank God for finally giving me the sense to just live and to stop regretting and thinking about things that may never be. He knows what He has planned for my life...all I can do is go to Him for guidance and hope that I'm doing the right thing in His eyes!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
A Woman's Prayer
I pray for
Wisdom to understand a man
Love to forgive him
And patience for his moods
Because Lord, if I pray for strength,
I'll just beat him to death.
Jason saw this poem on the wall of his friend's mom's house last night...he thought that I'd like it...I do:) Lol!
Wisdom to understand a man
Love to forgive him
And patience for his moods
Because Lord, if I pray for strength,
I'll just beat him to death.
Jason saw this poem on the wall of his friend's mom's house last night...he thought that I'd like it...I do:) Lol!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Well its done...I slipped my letter of resignation under the door of my now former bosses office door!!! It feels good!
I got on with another place here in town. I won't officially start for a week or two yet...but thats ok...gives me a bit of time to just chill! I gave my two weeks at my other job...but honestly, I won't be taking any shifts if they call. Is that bad of me? I mean, I do have a choice if they do, so I'm fine with saying NO! For my new job I still need to get a criminal record check done and also a note from my Dr. saying that I am capable of doing the work that the job requires.
Speaking of Dr's. I just found out, through the local paper mind you, that my Dr. is leaving! Um, thanks for letting you patients know! We don't have enough Dr's out here as it is...now I need to find my family another one! Great!!! I sure wish that I could go back my Dr. in Saskatoon...I loved her, she's helped me through so much...she was the bomb!!!! Some people didn't like her, but just like with all people, you click with some and you don't with others...such is life.
I'm recertifying in my first aid tomorrow. Last time I took it, I registered for a class at our local college. It was fine, I passed, all was good. This time I'm taking it through St. John's Ambulance. I'm suppose to read about 20 chapters and answer the quizes at the end of each of them. I only registered yesterday and I've only gotten through 4 chapters...and here I sit and type. I hate reading as it is! Hopefully it'll all go well and I'll pass. I need if for my job. I needed it for my last job and they were suppose to pay for it...but that never happened. Oh well.
So J's been applying for a few jobs as of late. Three on the island...and three in Saskatoon. There are one or two in Calgary that he needs to check out as well...if he ever gets the time to do it. Work is keeping him busy!! We've decided that it probably isn't the smartest thing to just focus solely on one particular area. We need to be open to other area's and other possibilities. I think we'd be happy with almost anything between the island and Saskatoon to be honest. So we'll see what happens...I look forward to the day that I can write a post about J's new job and that we're moving!
I was talking with my daughter about moving. She really wants to move as well. She's bored out here...plus I think she misses being able to see family on a more regular basis...we all miss that! She told me yesterday that she thinks that being closer to family is more important that being close to the ocean...which she loves! I think that girl has her head on so straight that I couldn't make it any straighter if I tried. I needed to hear that. We just need to be living where we have easier access to family. Whether thats living in the same province or community, or being able to get seat sales so we can quickly fly to where we want or need to be. Either way, I think we'd all be a lot happier if we had any of those options!
Well as usual, thats all I got. I hope everyone who reads this blog is well and that spring has arrived wherever you are! Today was beautiful out here. I'm not sure how warm it got, but around 6pm, it said that it was +14 on our trucks thermometer!
I got on with another place here in town. I won't officially start for a week or two yet...but thats ok...gives me a bit of time to just chill! I gave my two weeks at my other job...but honestly, I won't be taking any shifts if they call. Is that bad of me? I mean, I do have a choice if they do, so I'm fine with saying NO! For my new job I still need to get a criminal record check done and also a note from my Dr. saying that I am capable of doing the work that the job requires.
Speaking of Dr's. I just found out, through the local paper mind you, that my Dr. is leaving! Um, thanks for letting you patients know! We don't have enough Dr's out here as it is...now I need to find my family another one! Great!!! I sure wish that I could go back my Dr. in Saskatoon...I loved her, she's helped me through so much...she was the bomb!!!! Some people didn't like her, but just like with all people, you click with some and you don't with others...such is life.
I'm recertifying in my first aid tomorrow. Last time I took it, I registered for a class at our local college. It was fine, I passed, all was good. This time I'm taking it through St. John's Ambulance. I'm suppose to read about 20 chapters and answer the quizes at the end of each of them. I only registered yesterday and I've only gotten through 4 chapters...and here I sit and type. I hate reading as it is! Hopefully it'll all go well and I'll pass. I need if for my job. I needed it for my last job and they were suppose to pay for it...but that never happened. Oh well.
So J's been applying for a few jobs as of late. Three on the island...and three in Saskatoon. There are one or two in Calgary that he needs to check out as well...if he ever gets the time to do it. Work is keeping him busy!! We've decided that it probably isn't the smartest thing to just focus solely on one particular area. We need to be open to other area's and other possibilities. I think we'd be happy with almost anything between the island and Saskatoon to be honest. So we'll see what happens...I look forward to the day that I can write a post about J's new job and that we're moving!
I was talking with my daughter about moving. She really wants to move as well. She's bored out here...plus I think she misses being able to see family on a more regular basis...we all miss that! She told me yesterday that she thinks that being closer to family is more important that being close to the ocean...which she loves! I think that girl has her head on so straight that I couldn't make it any straighter if I tried. I needed to hear that. We just need to be living where we have easier access to family. Whether thats living in the same province or community, or being able to get seat sales so we can quickly fly to where we want or need to be. Either way, I think we'd all be a lot happier if we had any of those options!
Well as usual, thats all I got. I hope everyone who reads this blog is well and that spring has arrived wherever you are! Today was beautiful out here. I'm not sure how warm it got, but around 6pm, it said that it was +14 on our trucks thermometer!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
This Song...
Right now I want to be sitting on a beach, staring out into the sea and listening to this song (first song on his myspace playlist) ...for some reason it lets me feel sad, yet hopeful all in the same...not sure why. I just love it!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Today....
Well, today I had hoped I was going to go and get me the job I felt was mine...maybe "mine" isn't the right word. I guess the job that I feel I should be doing. I've gone to school for a few things and have never followed through in those career paths. Here I am finally really wanting to do what I went to school for last year and its just not happening.
As some of you know, I had two jobs in September, quit both out of panic and things that were said and by being totally overwhelmed with it all. I went back about a month later to apologize and to ask for the one job back. I was told no...but that they (being one person actually) would like to see some sort of "commitment" from me, either through volunteering or through another job. So I got myself another job. One that I have been working at here and there, one that I don't have a heart for and one that I dislike very much!!! I've only kept on with it to prove that I can be commited!! So a couple of weeks ago I called this "person", telling them that I was still interested in the opportunity to work at this place...I had to leave a message, but she did call back. She said that I had to reapply and that I would be considered for the next round of hiring. So today I dropped off my application. She brought me into her office, sat down and said...
"I won't deny anyone the right to put in and application...but to tell you the truth, your chances of being hired here are slim to none. First impressions are everything and your's wasn't that great. You called in sick for your orientation here when actually you were doing your orientation at the hospital"...
I said that I quit there before I started at the hospital...which was true!!! She said...
"Well I'm not going to argue with you!" So I explained that I made my decisions out of haste, that I went about it the wrong way, but that I was overwhelmed with it all and felt like my only option was to quit, rather than maybe telling them that I was overwhelmed by everything and needed a few days to think. She said...
"I hope you're honest with your next employer". I just felt my heart sinking and my face getting hot. I really wanted to argue my point...but I just couldn't. I didn't want to start bawling while I was there...I didn't want her to know that she got to me!
For her to talk about "honesty" was a joke. Here she tells me that she wants to see some sort of commitment from me, so thats what I do. She later says that I should reapply and WILL BE considered for the next round of hiring...so thats what I do. Then turns around and slaps me in the face to tell me that I won't be hired on there because of my "first impression"!!!! This person doesn't have many fans...and honestly I was giving her the benefit of the doubt...but today I saw it...and frankly, what people have said is true. I mean, its not like I did anything wrong to anybody there!!! I didn't hurt anyone, I didn't say anything, no lives were in danger...it had nothing to do with anyone...just me! The one career path that I want to persue...doesn't seem to be going the way I had planned! I am at my witts end! I don't get it. I don't want to hear that God has something "better" for me...cause right now, I don't really believe it! This is the only seniors facility in our town...there's the hospital...which I won't go back to because that just didn't work for me. Home support is another option...but I don't think anyone has been hired there since last June!!! This town is just too small...no second chances seem to be given to anyone. I could go on...but I won't.
So right now I feel defeated and deflated. I don't know what else to do. I'm frustrated and sad.
Another thing...this person lives down the street from me, her kids go to the daycare next door to me and her son and my son are in the same grade in the same school...thankfully not in the same class.
I just ask you all to pray for me. I don't have much hope these days. J's job sucks the big one...I won't even get into the latest crap going on around there. He's applied for a couple of jobs on the island...may start looking places other than there yet. For us these days...especially his job...its not about the money...its about being "somewhat" happy in your job...being respected and valued. We are not happy out here and its really starting to take a toll on our family and our marriage...we need to get out of here. I know most people don't get it...but I'm not about to explain it either. I just want to get back to being me and not have constant reminders of how bad things have gotten at every turn I make!
As some of you know, I had two jobs in September, quit both out of panic and things that were said and by being totally overwhelmed with it all. I went back about a month later to apologize and to ask for the one job back. I was told no...but that they (being one person actually) would like to see some sort of "commitment" from me, either through volunteering or through another job. So I got myself another job. One that I have been working at here and there, one that I don't have a heart for and one that I dislike very much!!! I've only kept on with it to prove that I can be commited!! So a couple of weeks ago I called this "person", telling them that I was still interested in the opportunity to work at this place...I had to leave a message, but she did call back. She said that I had to reapply and that I would be considered for the next round of hiring. So today I dropped off my application. She brought me into her office, sat down and said...
"I won't deny anyone the right to put in and application...but to tell you the truth, your chances of being hired here are slim to none. First impressions are everything and your's wasn't that great. You called in sick for your orientation here when actually you were doing your orientation at the hospital"...
I said that I quit there before I started at the hospital...which was true!!! She said...
"Well I'm not going to argue with you!" So I explained that I made my decisions out of haste, that I went about it the wrong way, but that I was overwhelmed with it all and felt like my only option was to quit, rather than maybe telling them that I was overwhelmed by everything and needed a few days to think. She said...
"I hope you're honest with your next employer". I just felt my heart sinking and my face getting hot. I really wanted to argue my point...but I just couldn't. I didn't want to start bawling while I was there...I didn't want her to know that she got to me!
For her to talk about "honesty" was a joke. Here she tells me that she wants to see some sort of commitment from me, so thats what I do. She later says that I should reapply and WILL BE considered for the next round of hiring...so thats what I do. Then turns around and slaps me in the face to tell me that I won't be hired on there because of my "first impression"!!!! This person doesn't have many fans...and honestly I was giving her the benefit of the doubt...but today I saw it...and frankly, what people have said is true. I mean, its not like I did anything wrong to anybody there!!! I didn't hurt anyone, I didn't say anything, no lives were in danger...it had nothing to do with anyone...just me! The one career path that I want to persue...doesn't seem to be going the way I had planned! I am at my witts end! I don't get it. I don't want to hear that God has something "better" for me...cause right now, I don't really believe it! This is the only seniors facility in our town...there's the hospital...which I won't go back to because that just didn't work for me. Home support is another option...but I don't think anyone has been hired there since last June!!! This town is just too small...no second chances seem to be given to anyone. I could go on...but I won't.
So right now I feel defeated and deflated. I don't know what else to do. I'm frustrated and sad.
Another thing...this person lives down the street from me, her kids go to the daycare next door to me and her son and my son are in the same grade in the same school...thankfully not in the same class.
I just ask you all to pray for me. I don't have much hope these days. J's job sucks the big one...I won't even get into the latest crap going on around there. He's applied for a couple of jobs on the island...may start looking places other than there yet. For us these days...especially his job...its not about the money...its about being "somewhat" happy in your job...being respected and valued. We are not happy out here and its really starting to take a toll on our family and our marriage...we need to get out of here. I know most people don't get it...but I'm not about to explain it either. I just want to get back to being me and not have constant reminders of how bad things have gotten at every turn I make!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My SIL has lost a friend. He was one of the canadian soldiers who died over the past week. I personally don't know anyone who is fighting out there. I can only imagine what their family's have to go through. I won't talk about my thoughts on this war. I hear about those who have fallen and for a moment think about them...then carry on with my life. It just touched me tonight to read her blog...it made me think for more than just a moment the sacrifice that they are making...whether we support or don't support the war...we need to support them and their families through these tough times, even if we don't know any of them personally...we can still life them up in prayer. I just thought that you should check out my SIL's blog so you can read the beautiful post that she wrote about her friend.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Life as of lately...
Well...hmmm...whats been going on?
In January my husband applied for a job in Victoria. We went for a mini vacation to check the island out...I tell ya, one week is not enough. We all fell in love with the place...who wouldn't? Last week we found out that J didn't get the job...disappointed? Yes...of course! Ready to give up? Heck NO!!!
I have to say that over the past month, it was a wonderful feeling to have HOPE...to be happy with the thoughts of what could be. I did my best to not get those hopes up too much...and all in all, I think I was prepared for a "no" in regards to the job...but it still hurt and it still stung, I'd be lying if I said that it didn't.
I remembered while we were out there that I used to dream of living in a place like that. When I was a kid we went to Expo 86 in Vancouver. We took a little side trip to the island as well. I don't remember much about it except for Chemainus and walking on Long Beach in Tofino. What I do remember is how much I loved it and dreamed of living in that kind of setting once I was older. I used to write letters to my cousin planning our lives so we could live together in a house on the beach (yes, I little bit of a dreamer...but hey, I was young). While we were out there, I felt such a sense of peace. Not just because its beautiful, or because I was on vacation...no. I remembered my dream of living there. I had even wrote in my yearbook in Grade 12 about moving to BC once I was older. I did move here...but this wasn't the "BC" that I was talking about. I've flip flopped over the years as to where I'd like to be...but going out there...I felt an overwhelming peace. Standing on a beach in the cool wind, waves lapping at my feet, birds flying over head, watching my kids combing the beach and not wanting to leave...that was almost paradise to me. I remembered my "dream" while I was out there. I think as I grew older, got married, had kids...I just forgot about what I had hoped for my life. "Life" gets in the way. Now that I'm actually in BC...I realize how close I am to achieving what I had wanted for so long in my life, but just forgot about. Its not the beauty of the island that makes me want to be there...well I guess it helps...but where I live now is pretty beautiful too...just in a different way. I love being near the ocean...the feeling I get there is indescribable. I think if I lived near a beach...I'd be there everyday, just walking and taking it all in. I heard once that water means "life". I believe it...just like when we are baptized, the water signifies new life in Christ.
I've been talking with an amazing woman lately and she has made me see a few things more clearly. I stopped by her house last night to drop something off and ended up staying for about three hours...just pouring my heart out to her...she truly listened to what I had to say. She explained some things to me so clearly...she made me less afraid of some things that I had doubts on before. She also said something to me that no one else has ever said...she said, "Tanya, I do not believe that you are depressed...you are sad, no depressed, there is a difference". She nailed it! I've often felt like if I was truly depressed, why do I have happy days...with NO medication? If I was depressed, I wouldn't have had the feelings of hope and joy that I had over the past month while we waited to see if J had gotten the job or not. If I was truly depressed, I wouldn't have enjoyed my time on the island. I do have some really good days! I've always wondered myself if I was really depressed...I don't think that I am either...and not just because she says that I'm not. I believe her...she is an amazing woman of God and I truly believe that He gave her those words to tell me.
I've also realized that I don't know who I am...I've lost myself to some extent. I'm no longer a "full day" mother...I'm still a full time mother, but I don't have my kids all day as they are both in school all day. I'm not doing what I went to school for, but I am doing something that isn't "me"...and I hate it. I was an at home mom for ten years, now I'm at home, but my kids aren't. I don't know exactly who TANYA is! She asked me what I enjoy doing...just for me...I honestly had to think for a while. I used to love drawing, and I really enjoyed it. I didn't do it for others, but I did it for myself. Over the past couple of years I have started to get back into it...but not in the way that I had hoped. I usually sit there with a blank page and have absolutely no idea what to do, so I give up. This friend, she said that she felt that I needed to start drawing again, doing art again...she believes that I'll start finding myself again if I do this. I think she's right. I just need to remember that I need to do it for ME, not for anyone else. Not that I won't share it, or make something for someone, but it has to be for me first and then for someone else...you know what I mean?
So, although J didn't get the job...we're still hopeful that something will happen out there...its just going to take time. There will be days that I forget all of this and will be irrational (I'm NEVER irrational...lol), but I know that God has a plan. He knows that we don't want to be here, and like my sister said, if we don't want to be here, He won't keep us here forever...and I believe that to be true. I feel the winds of change slowly starting to churn...it may take a while for them to blow us to the next place...but until then, I will wait, as patiently as I can.
Monday, March 9, 2009
WARNING!!!
Well I watched a bit of "The Dr's" today and heard something pretty frightening. I guess kids are starting to drink and inhale hand sanitizer!!! They say that one little bottle, you know the purse size...well they are equivalent to four shots of vodka!!! Kids are even licking the stuff off of their hands to get the buzz. I wasn't able to watch the rest of the show which was all about the new drugs and how they come in flavors, etc. to appeal more and more to younger kids. I guess drug use is down in teens...which is good, but now they've decided to make them more appealing to them in order for that statistic to go up! Sick and scary. I'm thankful...sooooo thankful that my girl has her head screwed on pretty straight. I told her about this and she couldn't believe it!!! She's only 11, but we've started to talk about these things...I try not to hide too much from her...she needs to hear these things. She is a mature girl who I think will stand her ground as she gets older...atleast that is my hope and my prayer!
Well thats it for now...I'll post more about whats been happening around here another time.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Boredom!
USING ONLY ONE WORD! It's not as easy as you might think! It's really hard to only use one word answers.....
1.Your Cell phone? Black.
2. Your significant other? Sleeping.
3. Your hair? Blah.
4. Your mother? Sweet.
5. Your father? Funny.
6. Your favorite thing? Family.
7. Your dream last night? Unmemorable.
8. Your favorite drink? Chai.
9. Your dream/goal? Leave.
10. What room you are in? Basement.
11. Your hobby? Draw.
12. Your fear? Staying.
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Island.
14. Where were you last night? Bed.
15. Your heart? Thankful.
16. Muffins? mmmm.
17. Wish list item? Moving.
18. Where you grew up? Saskatoon.
19. Last thing you did? Sighed.
20. What are you wearing? Clothes.
21. Your TV? Off.
22. Your pets? Hairy.
23. Friends? Cherished.
24. Your life? Stagnant.
25. Your mood? Hopeful.
26. Missing someone? Always.
27. Car? Someday.
28. Something you're not wearing? Shoes.
29. Your favorite store? Many.
30. Your favorite color? Blue.
34. Last time you cried? Today.
35. Who will resend this? Whomever.
36. One place that I go to over and over? Past.
37. One person who emails me regularly? Lorie.
38. Favorite place to eat? Montana's.
39. Why you participated in this survey? Bored.
40. What are you doing tonight? Nothing.
USING ONLY ONE WORD! It's not as easy as you might think! It's really hard to only use one word answers.....
1.Your Cell phone? Black.
2. Your significant other? Sleeping.
3. Your hair? Blah.
4. Your mother? Sweet.
5. Your father? Funny.
6. Your favorite thing? Family.
7. Your dream last night? Unmemorable.
8. Your favorite drink? Chai.
9. Your dream/goal? Leave.
10. What room you are in? Basement.
11. Your hobby? Draw.
12. Your fear? Staying.
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Island.
14. Where were you last night? Bed.
15. Your heart? Thankful.
16. Muffins? mmmm.
17. Wish list item? Moving.
18. Where you grew up? Saskatoon.
19. Last thing you did? Sighed.
20. What are you wearing? Clothes.
21. Your TV? Off.
22. Your pets? Hairy.
23. Friends? Cherished.
24. Your life? Stagnant.
25. Your mood? Hopeful.
26. Missing someone? Always.
27. Car? Someday.
28. Something you're not wearing? Shoes.
29. Your favorite store? Many.
30. Your favorite color? Blue.
31. Your motto? Today.
32. Something you say all the time? Frig.
33. When is the last time you laughed? Tonight.34. Last time you cried? Today.
35. Who will resend this? Whomever.
36. One place that I go to over and over? Past.
37. One person who emails me regularly? Lorie.
38. Favorite place to eat? Montana's.
39. Why you participated in this survey? Bored.
40. What are you doing tonight? Nothing.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I have so much to say and share...but for now I'm going to keep about 99% of it under wraps for a bit...I'll share when the time is right, but for now...
Me: Syd, look what the dog did to your underwear (the 'puppy', who is 8mths old has a thang for underwear and chewed the crotch...yes gross...out of my daughters underwear).
Syd: Oh my...Bailey!!!!!
Ro: Now you can stick your pee pee through it!
Syd: (has look of disbelief and utter shock with a smile)
Me: Uh, Ro, girls don't have 'pee pees'
Ro: What??????!!!!!!! How do you go pee then????? (more of shocked look than his sister)
Me: Well we have a 'pee pee' but it doesn't stick out like boys' do...thats what makes a boy a boy and a girl a girl (thats all THAT kid needs for details at this time)
Syd: (basically rolling on the floor laughing)
Then amongst Syd and myself's hysterical laughter we over hear Ro talking to us, or maybe to himself
Ro: Well mine sticks out...that sooo rocks!!!
Oh my...that kid! I had to phone my husband right away to tell him. I think it was the funniest thing that I've heard in a long time. Just so you know...I'm not too concerned about the "appropriate" names for things right now with my six year old...he'll know soon enough!!!
Just thought I'd share...I think its funnier than the bra story!
Me: Syd, look what the dog did to your underwear (the 'puppy', who is 8mths old has a thang for underwear and chewed the crotch...yes gross...out of my daughters underwear).
Syd: Oh my...Bailey!!!!!
Ro: Now you can stick your pee pee through it!
Syd: (has look of disbelief and utter shock with a smile)
Me: Uh, Ro, girls don't have 'pee pees'
Ro: What??????!!!!!!! How do you go pee then????? (more of shocked look than his sister)
Me: Well we have a 'pee pee' but it doesn't stick out like boys' do...thats what makes a boy a boy and a girl a girl (thats all THAT kid needs for details at this time)
Syd: (basically rolling on the floor laughing)
Then amongst Syd and myself's hysterical laughter we over hear Ro talking to us, or maybe to himself
Ro: Well mine sticks out...that sooo rocks!!!
Oh my...that kid! I had to phone my husband right away to tell him. I think it was the funniest thing that I've heard in a long time. Just so you know...I'm not too concerned about the "appropriate" names for things right now with my six year old...he'll know soon enough!!!
Just thought I'd share...I think its funnier than the bra story!
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