And Update!

Well its been a while hasn't it? Where to start?

I decided that I needed to go home to Saskatoon so within two days of thinking that I had three bus tickets for me and my kids. We decided to just go as far as Edmonton and then my parents picked us up from there so we didn't have a five hour layover...not that I didn't know anyone to come and pick us up for a visit...but by the time we got there we had already been on the bus for 18 hours...so not really in the mood for too much chit chat and the kids just needed to get to our destination.

While in Stoon I went shopping...ALOT!!! Out here I'm pretty limited with our small selection of stores. So it was so nice to go to a "real" mall and to stores that we don't have anywhere near us. I admit I spent a bit too much...oh well, life goes on! I also got to hang out with my family...my parents, and my sister, her husband and her three kids. It was a much needed time away from here! I got to see some pretty good thunder and lightning storms...something we hardly get out here at all, we get one good boom and maybe a flash or two and thats it!!!

I also got to hang out with some good friends on a couple of evenings. It was so nice to see you all.

I know I didn't get to see everyone that I wanted to...but this trip was more about me getting away from here and just relaxing and giving my brain a break...call me selfish...but I needed this trip, whether I saw people or not. Next time I hope to see a few that I missed this time around.

My parents drove me back to Edmonton...actually Spruce Grove. There I stayed with Jason's brother Barry and his wife Melissa and two girls for a couple of days. It was nice visiting with them too. I was able to check out their new house as well...its very nice! We then left from Edmonton for here late last wednesday night.

During our bus ride back we saw a wolf and a few other wild things. I had never seen a wolf out in the wild...it was so cool. Jason's seen a couple this summer...weird how all of a sudden you start seeing them.

The kids did well on the bus ride. We had a few outbursts and uncomfortable sleeps...but all in all they did pretty well. Rowyn had a problem peeing on the bus...he won't go in anything that looks like and outhouse toilet...so I ended up getting him to pee into an empty bottle...gross, yes...but probably less gross than sitting on the bus toilet!! It worked and thats all that mattered.

So now we're back. Its taken a bit to get back into the swing of things...but its slowly coming along. School starts next tuesday!!! Rowyn's starting kindergarten this year as well...but he doesn't start until the 12th or so...not sure why, but thats just the way it is I guess. Syd's going into grade five...my goodness! My kids are definitely growing up!

I'm having a bit of a hard time it seems. There's alot going on in my head and my mind. I can honestly say that I am sick and tired of living with hardly any sun! I feel as if over the past year the sun has only shone about %10 of the time. We had such a long winter...it rained or snowed almost everyday. We hardly had a summer. I think I only wore shorts twice...seriously!!! I really think that all this gloom has led to some of my down times. I don't know if I'm cut out for this. And now...fall is quickly approaching, the days are getting shorter again and the sun still hardly shines. Its quite depressing! And for someone who is trying to deal with that part of her life...it doesn't help!!! Not sure what I'm trying to say here...well I kind of do, but don't want to say it! I literally feel like Eeyore...like I have a rainy cloud over my head all the time. Not sure what to do about it anymore. It comes and goes...but I seriously think that I need more sun in my life. Real sun...not no sun lamp thingy!!

Well thats about it. I have more to say...but for now, thats enough! Enjoy whats left of your summer!

I'm here...just haven't had much time to update this thing. An update is coming soon...maybe later on tonight, we'll see if I'm in the mood or not.

I hope everyone is enjoying what's left of summer...around here, I feel as if we hardly had one!

I'm off for my 100hr trip! haha!

Just a short post. I'm leaving...on a jet plane...well no, but on a bus...yes! The kids and I are going on a trip so we'll see ya when we see ya! Pray for my sanity for the next 100 um I mean 18 hours! (Christy...ya know I love ya! haha!)

Some Fish

Jason's mom with her first Chinook...10lbs caught on the Kitimat River.
Jason's first Chinook of the season (hopefully not the last) also caught on the Kitimat. When he "set the hook" on this, his rod broke, but he was still able to "land" it. I missed all the action...but he was quite happy that his rod broke, cause now he can buy a better one!..someday:)

What the????

Its 4:32am...what on earth am I doing up? I have no idea...and blogging? I think I'm going crazy!

So things have slowed down a bit over the past couple of days. Jason's parents had been here for a few weeks and decided to take a break and go back home for a couple of weeks and then come back. His dad had big hopes of catching a nice Chinook...but not much luck. Jason caught one..21lbs, not too bad, his mom caught a 10lbs and his dad...well, he caught a 3lb...yes, a 3lb chinook. I don't think he was very impressed with that. Throw in a couple of pinks and that was it. Very frustrating for Jason's dad...and all of us. I wish we had a boat...that seems to be making all the difference out here these days. But we don't...maybe someday. They're planning on coming back for the coho run...hopefully we'll have better luck with that.

So as some of you know...we had some major flooding around here last month. One of our major river's out here...the Skeena, hasn't been very fishable since then...is fishable even a word? haha! But it has gone down and cleared up and people are finally able to fish it again. There are a couple of spots that we enjoyed going to...but today we went to check them out, particularly 18 mile and China Bar. Well, they're now pretty hard to get to...the water is just deep enough that I don't think I'd want to wade through it...we might have to invest in dingy or something LOL! Jason was quit disappointed. Those were his two of his favorite spots...and they were great spots for the kids to run around and play on. Maybe they'll get a bit more accessible as the summer (what summer?) goes on. Here we finally have a 4x4...and now we can't even use it to get onto China Bar like we had hoped. The flood changed so much around here. Islands that were in the middle of the river are half washed away...its crazy. Like I said in an earlier post...the power of water is amazing!

We had some friend over the other night for a fire in the backyard...it was nice to see them all. Stupid me though...never took one stinkin picture!! Oh well...we'll just have to do it again won't we? And next time...you better show up...you know who you are!! I don't care who's in town...haha, you know I love ya and I'm just teasin!

Well I should really go to bed. I just couldn't sleep and have been on the computer for a couple of hours now. I hope you're all doing well and that your summer's are warmer than the one we're having here!!

About last night...

Well turns out his appt today was just a consult...it wasn't the "actual" appt! Good grief! He took the whole day off and everything. Nice to know these things! Oh well.

I'm actually alot better today...thanks for your kind words everyone...I appreciate it!

Mixed Emotions

Well the time has come...and I'm a bit emotional about it. Tomorrow is V Day...yes, the old snipperoony for my poor hubby. I've had a few emotional moments today and last night. Its been almost five years since we had our last child. We have two beautiful children, they have completed my life in ways that I never imagined.

As some of you know, we had alot of problems concieving and staying pregnant. We suffered with my infertility problems for seven years. That is why our children are five years apart. I love the difference now...as its all I know, and I know that was the way that God had it planned for our lives. I've been at home with my children for almost ten years. I feel that there is a shift in our life now. Its "my" time...time for me to do what I want, what I need to do for me! Does that sound selfish or greedy? I hope not. Its been a long road...and I don't think that I could do it again (fertility treatments, etc.) I love my kids more than anything. They are both my miracles. But I think its time for a new chapter in our lives.

Sometimes its tough to move on...but I think its that time. Sure, I know there will be days that I will wonder...what if...but deep down, I know that we're done. I don't have a desire to really have anymore children...yet, if I was to discover that I was pregnant today...I'd be happy...and shocked, I'd just laugh. Its just saddening to think of all the trouble we had, the intense emotional rollercoaster that we went through...that its all done, that time is now coming to an end...that chapter of our life is finished. It really took a toll on me, and I think our marriage too. But we made it through. I'm finally feeling that I'm finding myself again...it took so much out of me, and its taken this long to get back to me! Not that I regret any of it...I don't, I know that I had to go through that...that was MY journey. That was God's plan for my life...and now this is a new journey.

I'm enjoying my kids so much these days...its so much easier these days...yet still tough. They too are going through new chapters in their own lives. My daughter is almost ten, things are "changing", if you know what I mean...haha. And my son will be starting school this fall. I will be alone for half a day, four days a week. What am I going to do? It'll be ten years since I didn't have a child in my home at some point in the day...and now it'll be a regular occurance almost everyday! Its kind of scary, yet exciting all the same. I'll have some "me" time. In some ways, I'm finding that I'm getting some of my "life" back...know what I mean?

See what I mean about having mixed emotions? I go back and forth about all of this...the pros, the cons. I know that my husband doesn't want anymore kids, and really, I don't either. I love kids...but we're done (do I sound like I'm trying to convince myself). Had we not of had the problems that we did, I think we would have had another one...but that wasn't the way it was suppose to be. I've only been on birth control for the first six months of our marriage...I've been married for thirteen years...ya, do the math! Sure its an emotional time. I think most people second guess themselves...maybe not. I'm not second guessing, I guess I'm just saying goodbye to a former goal...dream. But its time for new dreams, new goals...more adventures.

Well thats about it. I just needed to write this all out. Thanks for listening to me...I know that this is just the beginning of something else.