Wednesday, November 11, 2009

This, that...and some more kaka...

It is late and I can't sleep. I had quite the nap this afternoon...wasn't feeling too great, upset stomached, headache...just blah. I've had a lot on my mind as of late...well for a quite a while now and you "lucky" readers are going to hear some it right now...

So, I had some grandious plan of reviewing and making all of my study notes for the next 4 units of my upgrading that I had started in spring. I had August off and was going to read and make notes and then start September off with writing an exam and then another once a week until I was done. That plan disappeared and now here I sit, almost the middle of November with one exam under my belt and four more to go by December 18th. Here are a few of my excuses...

1. August was spent with my family, hanging out, doing nothing...whats wrong with that?

2. We had company in Sept...twice...who wants to study when you have company?

3. My kids have been sick here and there off and on...I think they've only gone to school for an entire week each once since school started!!! Ugh!

4. My husband has been home from work for 6.5 weeks now. I won't go into too many details, because you just never know who is reading this out there. Lets just say that he has been dealt a pretty lousy hand and has been treated very unfairly and that we are praying and waiting for justice to be done! A lot of lies and backstabbing has been going on with all of this. We are also praying that he will have a new job where he is appreciated and valued for his opinion, work ethic and honesty very soon! (I had written a bit more about what was going on...and had been a bit more "meaner" in what I wrote...but then I though that I had to "be kind and rewind"...so thats what I did...it just doesn't sound as nasty as it really is...oh well...like I said..."you never know who...")

5. We went home to Saskatoon for thanksgiving. It was exactly what we needed...being back in our hometown...just seeing familiar places, how things have changed, spending time with family and friends and not having to think about any of the crap going on here...it was great! But then we came back home....

6. I have been DISTRACTED! Just a little bit don't ya think?

There is more to my distraction than these six reason's...but I think six is good enough for today!

So much has gone on in the past two months...it is unreal. I get tired just thinking about it all! I KNOW that part of this is meant to be a distraction from the enemy...I am trying my hardest to not let him win. I am almost at the point where I can taste the achievement of the goal that I have been striving for...and there is no way in hell that I will let that bugger win! I also know that what we have been going through will only make us stronger...and will maybe even build a bit of character...whether I enjoy it or not! Also whether I appreciate it or not!

Right now I have a sick boy who was immunized last week. He sounds as if he has croup, and he has a pretty bad fever going on...thankfully it seems ok for now. (I really don't want to hear anyone's opinion on the immunization right now...I think that everyone needs to do what is right for them and their family's and need to leave everyone else to their own decisions, whether you agree or not...I'm tired of hearing about it...and my family is my family and someone elses opinion plays so affect on what we do!)

I am past the point of crying about all of this. I am just starting to get impatient and angry with it all. I was so looking forward to the kids going back to school so we could have some sort of routine...but that is not happening! Having my husband home...as much as I love him...is not fun! He is suppose to be at work while I have my day to do the things that I need to get done, and to do the things that need to get done around the house. With him here, its just different and things don't get done like they should!

I just want life to get back to "normal"...my normal...

I don't know what to pray for anymore. So many thoughts go through my head at the same time that it all just gets jumbled up into a big ball of craziness! I can't concentrate on proper prayers (whatever those might actually be...I don't know)...so whatever I think in the moment, I hope God is getting it and that he can unscramble it to make some sort of sense! I am mentally and emotionally drained...having a sick kid, as sick as he is...I am finding that I don't have much compassion left in me...and that is so not like me when it comes to my kids not feeling well. Its quite sad to tell you the truth. I think that I need a good looooonnnnnng cry...but I never seem to have a moment long enough to myself to do that!

The stress of all that has happened is showing in the kids as well...especially my oldest. Its hard enough having her grow up (she just turned 12) and having her emotions and hormones all out of whack as it is...then to put the strain of all this crap on top of it...I tell ya, it makes for some "fun" times around this house!

If you think of us...please just send up a prayer on our behalf...that would be great!

Whatever you are going through yourselves...I hope and pray that you are well! We need to support eachother in these rough times...but we also need to remember to support eachother through the good as well!

I've had this song playing in my head for the past couple of days...I think many of us need some healing rain these days...

Healing Rain ~ Micheal W. Smith

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this cry heart with healing rain

And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

To be washed in Heaven's rain...

Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...

2 comments:

Trev and Rebekah said...

It's been a bit since you wrote this. I am sorry all that seems to be hitting the fan at once. I pray that stuff that needs to get dealt with on your husband's behalf will. I pray that where forgiveness needs to take place that you will have courage to do it. I pray for healing over your family and perseverance to finish off strong. I pray that you will sense the reality that God is with YOU in all the storms you are going through right now.
Hugs

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