Sunday, August 8, 2010

Eight Months...Wow!

Wow! It has been just over eight months since I blogged! That is crazy! Where has the time gone? Well its flown by with my nose in the books and in other places that one should not talk about! Haha...wiping bums, giving injections, stuff like that!

Yes, life has been a rollercoaster ride for the most of the past few months. School has been fun, hard, exciting, challenging, eye opening and rewarding! I'm about to begin my third and final semester tomorrow! Its going to be a very fast paced couple of months...I hope that I'm up for the challenge! I'm not sure what its all going to bring...more tears, laughter and nervousness I'm sure! I have a new instructor so I'm kind of wondering how she will be...our favorite...well most of us in the class had a favorite instructor, she quit due to some idiots in our class. She was an amazing teacher and we are all at a disadvantage with her gone.

I'm actually scared a bit about this last a final semester...this is it...this is what I have wanted for so many years...its almost over with...can I do it? Will I chicken out once it comes time to actually put it all into practice for real? I hope not!

I was talking with a girl today that took the course last year. She was also in my Care Aid course a couple years back, she failed the national exam...not once, but now she has given up on being a nurse! It scares me that I could be like that...that that could happen to me! I have given up so much to do this...and I don't want it to all be for nothing. I have a student loan that needs to be paid off after time has been lost that I will never get back...friendships have been neglected that I hope will still be there once this is over with...a marriage that has shown its strength of which I am very grateful for. So much lost, but also gained. So if you could remember to pray for me during the next few months...I would be very grateful to you!

Well I just wanted to say that yes, I am alive and well and still living on planet earth! I hope that you are all well...anyone who reads this! Hopefully I can update this on a regular basis...I've missed it!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Its been that long?

Happy New Year!

I can't believe that its been almost two months since I last updated this thing! Life has been busy, and crazy, what can I say?

~hubby's back at work...he was off for 12 weeks...ugh, but he's back at it (actually, he's been on
holidays this past week...haha) He was found 100% innocent (who'da thunk it...dummies) of
any wrong doing. There is still stuff going on that is retarded, but he's back at it, so thats good!
~I finished my crazy Bio course on Dec 18th...the last day I had left to get it done! Finished with
a B+ :)
~we went into the bush and cut down our own "perfect for us" christmas tree this
was a lot of fun!
~I start my LPN course on monday...can't believe the time is already here.
~I may have to postpone my course until Sept due to something that we are praying very hard
for, but we will have to see, we won't know anything for the next couple of weeks...and NO I
am not pregnant! Lol!

I'd love to post more about life in general, but I'll save it for another time! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I hope that 2010 blesses you all!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

This, that...and some more kaka...

It is late and I can't sleep. I had quite the nap this afternoon...wasn't feeling too great, upset stomached, headache...just blah. I've had a lot on my mind as of late...well for a quite a while now and you "lucky" readers are going to hear some it right now...

So, I had some grandious plan of reviewing and making all of my study notes for the next 4 units of my upgrading that I had started in spring. I had August off and was going to read and make notes and then start September off with writing an exam and then another once a week until I was done. That plan disappeared and now here I sit, almost the middle of November with one exam under my belt and four more to go by December 18th. Here are a few of my excuses...

1. August was spent with my family, hanging out, doing nothing...whats wrong with that?

2. We had company in Sept...twice...who wants to study when you have company?

3. My kids have been sick here and there off and on...I think they've only gone to school for an entire week each once since school started!!! Ugh!

4. My husband has been home from work for 6.5 weeks now. I won't go into too many details, because you just never know who is reading this out there. Lets just say that he has been dealt a pretty lousy hand and has been treated very unfairly and that we are praying and waiting for justice to be done! A lot of lies and backstabbing has been going on with all of this. We are also praying that he will have a new job where he is appreciated and valued for his opinion, work ethic and honesty very soon! (I had written a bit more about what was going on...and had been a bit more "meaner" in what I wrote...but then I though that I had to "be kind and rewind" thats what I just doesn't sound as nasty as it really is...oh I said..."you never know who...")

5. We went home to Saskatoon for thanksgiving. It was exactly what we needed...being back in our hometown...just seeing familiar places, how things have changed, spending time with family and friends and not having to think about any of the crap going on was great! But then we came back home....

6. I have been DISTRACTED! Just a little bit don't ya think?

There is more to my distraction than these six reason's...but I think six is good enough for today!

So much has gone on in the past two is unreal. I get tired just thinking about it all! I KNOW that part of this is meant to be a distraction from the enemy...I am trying my hardest to not let him win. I am almost at the point where I can taste the achievement of the goal that I have been striving for...and there is no way in hell that I will let that bugger win! I also know that what we have been going through will only make us stronger...and will maybe even build a bit of character...whether I enjoy it or not! Also whether I appreciate it or not!

Right now I have a sick boy who was immunized last week. He sounds as if he has croup, and he has a pretty bad fever going on...thankfully it seems ok for now. (I really don't want to hear anyone's opinion on the immunization right now...I think that everyone needs to do what is right for them and their family's and need to leave everyone else to their own decisions, whether you agree or not...I'm tired of hearing about it...and my family is my family and someone elses opinion plays so affect on what we do!)

I am past the point of crying about all of this. I am just starting to get impatient and angry with it all. I was so looking forward to the kids going back to school so we could have some sort of routine...but that is not happening! Having my husband much as I love not fun! He is suppose to be at work while I have my day to do the things that I need to get done, and to do the things that need to get done around the house. With him here, its just different and things don't get done like they should!

I just want life to get back to "normal" normal...

I don't know what to pray for anymore. So many thoughts go through my head at the same time that it all just gets jumbled up into a big ball of craziness! I can't concentrate on proper prayers (whatever those might actually be...I don't know) whatever I think in the moment, I hope God is getting it and that he can unscramble it to make some sort of sense! I am mentally and emotionally drained...having a sick kid, as sick as he is...I am finding that I don't have much compassion left in me...and that is so not like me when it comes to my kids not feeling well. Its quite sad to tell you the truth. I think that I need a good looooonnnnnng cry...but I never seem to have a moment long enough to myself to do that!

The stress of all that has happened is showing in the kids as well...especially my oldest. Its hard enough having her grow up (she just turned 12) and having her emotions and hormones all out of whack as it is...then to put the strain of all this crap on top of it...I tell ya, it makes for some "fun" times around this house!

If you think of us...please just send up a prayer on our behalf...that would be great!

Whatever you are going through yourselves...I hope and pray that you are well! We need to support eachother in these rough times...but we also need to remember to support eachother through the good as well!

I've had this song playing in my head for the past couple of days...I think many of us need some healing rain these days...

Healing Rain ~ Micheal W. Smith

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this cry heart with healing rain

And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

To be washed in Heaven's rain...

Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Your Faithfulness

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

I don't know if these clouds mean rain
If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?
I don't know what the future holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know how or when I'll die
Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?
No, I don't know how much time is left
But in the end, I will know your faithfulness

When darkness overwhelms my soul
When thoughts and storms of doubt
Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

A good friend sent this song to me today,
and I thank her for it! I bawled the entire time
that I listened to it. Another friend of mine found out
that she had miscarried and wrote a "note
on FB about praising God even in the
she was strumming her guitar one night
while everyone
was asleep and how God asked her,"will you praise me
in the storm?"...she didn't know what it all meant at
the time, as they have been going through some rough
patches as well, and she still praised him through that...
but after she learned that her baby didn't have a
heartbeat...she knew exactly what He was asking of her.
She IS praising him through the storm...and I too am
going to do my best to praise him through this storm.
He is faithful, even when I am not...or have little to no
faith at times...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Psalm 140

Rescue me, O LORD, from evil men;
protect me from men of violence,

2 who devise evil plans in their hearts
and stir up war every day.

3 They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent's;
the poison of vipers is on their lips.

4 Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked;
protect me from men of violence
who plan to trip my feet.

5 Proud men have hidden a snare for me;
they have spread out the cords of their net
and have set traps for me along my path.

6 O LORD, I say to you, "You are my God."
Hear, O LORD, my cry for mercy.

7 O Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer,
who shields my head in the day of battle-

8 do not grant the wicked their desires, O LORD;
do not let their plans succeed,
or they will become proud.

9 Let the heads of those who surround me
be covered with the trouble their lips have caused.

10 Let burning coals fall upon them;
may they be thrown into the fire,
into miry pits, never to rise.

11 Let slanderers not be established in the land;
may disaster hunt down men of violence.

12 I know that the LORD secures justice for the poor
and upholds the cause of the needy.

13 Surely the righteous will praise your name
and the upright will live before you.

This is what I am praying for. It may sound brutal...but David went through the same thing that my husband and some of his co-workers are going through. Having their good names slandered in order for someone else to get ahead in their own life. I have never ever seen such malisciousness as I have seen over the past few weeks. Trying to ruin other people's lives and careers just for your own selfish is dispicable beyond comprehension! This person and his sidekick are supposive christians...well they supposively go to the same church, so I assume that they are christians. It makes me literally sick to know that they can walk into a church from week to week and then turn around and be the way they are in the workplace! I know that we as humans are not one is...but I have never seen anything like this before! I am trying to have faith...the type of faith that can move mountains...but there are moments, many moments where I feel that there is no point to having any faith at all. I feel as if my husband and my family has been put through the wringer! He and the other guys involved have done nothing to deserve this...absolutely nothing!!!!! May I repeat...NOTHING!!!!

I am so tired and frustrated with everything out here! I had finally come to the point where I felt at peace out here...I knew that there was a light at the end for us. Now I just want to run away and never come back! But...that is exactly what these losers want us to do. They want to make it so my husband gets so fed up that he quits...well, news flash...its not going to happen. He is not going to let the losers (that is my nice name for the two of them) win!! Your prayers are appreciated if you think of us!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


Hey everyone!

I just wanted to put out a prayer request for J's brother and sister in law and their children. They are in Indonesia doing missionary work and they are being plagued with sickness continually. Right now Karen (the mom) has malaria and the children have had everything from malaria to dengue fever and more! This has been going on for quite some time now(the past month). Currently one of the boys is sick and they are not sure what it is yet. I ask you all to pray for this family and that God would bring some long term healing to them! Thankyou

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

He's Always Faithful!

Its been a while hey? Not sure if anyone even reads this thing anymore!

So, looks like I'm going to be busy as of January...busier than busy! I HAVE been accepted into the LPN course!!! Yahoo, yippee, woo get the idea:) I don't have my "official" letter of acceptance, but I did talk with the lady that decides yay or nay as to who gets into the course and she told me that I was in her "pile". So I asked if that was a good thing or not! Obviously it was the yay pile! I still have to get the second half of my Biology done, which I have until Dec 18th to finish...but I'm hoping and planning on not taking that long! We'll see I guess!

I am very happy about all of this. I have wanted and talked about taking this course for a long, long, long time! When I had first thought of it...Rowyn was just a baby, I may have planned on it before that, I don't I said, its been a long time in the making! Its been a very emotional rollercoaster for me. There are times that I have just wanted to give I have in so many other areas in my life...but I KNOW that people have been praying for me! It has meant the world to me to have the prayers of my parents, my sister, my friends behind me! I wish that I could express my gratitude! Teaching yourself Biology...well trying to understand Biology on your own is not easy... not for me anyways! It is paying off though, my interim mark was a B...I needed a it was all good:) I am kind of looking forward to the second half of the Bio, as it deals more with anatomy and body systems...the first half was basically all molecular stuff...ugh!!! But that is now done, thank goodness!

Lately, I have been looking ahead to the future. Wondering where this is all going to go. We have plans...not 100% plans, but I am looking forward to them. None of them will happen though without a lot of faith and prayers. Something I'm not so good at most of the time...having faith, and praying in ALL things! I must admit that living out here has been a major growing, stretching, faith building experience...and sometimes, downright defeating as well! I have lost friends from the past and the present, pissed people off, made some people say "huh"?, and have had others shaking their heads. Such is life. I am finally learning, at almost 35 yrs old, that I don't live for anyone but God! Of course I need to treat myself right as well as my husband and children...but other than that (no offense to anyone) what I do is my business, whether people agree, or not! It doesn't matter. I've let it matter for sooooooo long...but when you get right down to doesn't. People may not like my decisions, that is fine, you don't have to! I make my decisions on what is right for me and my family...not what is right for you, or for what you think I should be doing instead. Ok...I'm going in a different direction here all of a sudden...better stop while I'm ahead!

Life is too short to live with regrets! Although I would love to just pick up and move right at this moment...I would have regretted not finishing what I had started. I remember when I knew that we were going to move out here, one of the first things I did was to see if they had a college, and if that college offered the LPN program. It did!

As almost all of you know. I have not been happy out here for a long time. I still have days where I wish we never moved here...but, a lot of things wouldn't have happened in my life if we hadn't. We have grown closer as a family unit. We have not been able to rely on family members for "time outs" from our kids, or vise versa (lets admit, there are days when they need a break from mom and dad too) and some days that has been very hard. Of course I miss having my parents nearby, as well as my sister...but I've also enjoyed our independence from them as well. It has been a struggle, there have been times where I have honestly just wanted to walk out the door...wanted to walk away from everything and everyone! Scary? Yes! Tell me about it! I haven't shared that with many people, so I'm sharing it now...whether people believe it or not...doesn't matter.

Thankfully through all of this...God is proving and will always prove to be faithful! I truly believe that me going to school in January is our last step out here until we will be able to move on to somewhere else. Why I believe that? I'm not sure...but deep down, something tells me that "this" is it! So it gives me hope. This has been the plan for my life for a long time...and for a while I forgot about it. I know that being an LPN isn't some wonderful feat in some people's eyes...but for me, it has been my goal...well part of my goal. I eventually would like to be an Operating Room Technician...but that's a couple of more years down the road. My main goal though, all along was to get my LPN certificate. A lot of people have been telling me that I'll want to keep going and get my RN...I'm not so sure about that. Another three or four years of school does not sound that appealing to me...especially when I probably wouldn't graduate until my early 40's! Eeek! That doesn't appeal to me at all!

For now, I am content to know that I will be done school in December 2010! After that, who know's what will happen. It may take a few months...but I am ready for whatever, and wherever God decides to take us!
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