Thursday, June 14, 2007
Why can't I just be happy?
What the heck is wrong with me? Well I know to a certain degree...but why can't I just be happy here for more than a week? I'm miserable!! I'm so bored. I don't know what to do with myself anymore!! Yes, I could work on my house...but you know what...I'm so SICK and TIRED of working on my house. I'm starting to really despise this house. And yes, I know it was a good investment...yada yada! I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel so "stuck" out here. Those of you who grew up here...I know you don't get it, and thats alright. But I just feel stuck...stuck with no way of getting unstuck...I hate it. I'll feel fine for a few days...and then everything just gets to me and I just want to leave. Everyone seems happy out here except for me!!! Why can't I be happy out here...truly happy?? I thought I was getting better...I thought I was finally truly accepting my being here...but I just can't. I don't know what is real anymore...the happiness of one week, or the lonliness and sadness of the next? I don't expect anyone to understand...I don't understand it myself for the most part. I just feel so helpless...like I'm stuck here forever...and I'm not saying that its a bad place to be stuck...I just know that I can't be here forever. I need more to do. I don't mean to sound vain either...I just feel so far away from the rest of the world out here. Maybe this is just a bad day...I don't know. As some of you know...I was diagnosed with depression a while back...I'm on meds for it...and for the most part they've been working great...but somedays, my emotions get the best of me. I just don't know...and I hate not knowing why I must feel like this from time to time. Its not fun...I want to be happy about where I'm at...but I'm not. Two posts ago I was on cloud nine...now look at me. I hate this so much!!!! God help me!!
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3 comments:
hey girl... I can understand the feelings about how 'middle of nowhere' we are... it is hard... but hey, if you ever want to do absolutely anything - I am generally up for anything... and just around the corner!
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