New Post!

Hey y'all! Well its been busy around here for the last while. Jason's parents arrived here about a week ago, so we've been spending time with them...obviously!! And this past week Jason and his dad went back to AB to get our new/old Chevy Tahoe!!! Yes we bought an SUV! If you live out here, and fish...you'll agree, they are a must!! Why I say its old/new is because its an older vehicle a 99...but its new for us, plus it has less kms on it than our 2002 van! It only had 98,000kms on it...which is darn good for an eight year old vehicle. So now my dear hubby is in heaven, he finally has his dream truck. His parents bought it for us so he and his dad had to go back to their place and pick it up. All we had to get done on it was new tires and a fan belt...other than that, its in great shape! So now we NEED to sell the van so we can pay back his parents! Anyone looking for a 2002 Pontiac Montana? Anyone????

I have to mention, and I should have mentioned this first. I am SO proud of Syd. She is such a wonderful girl. She had her year end assembly on thursday and got two awards. I new that she was getting one, but I just thought that it was her honor roll award...not that that's anything to sneeze at...I'm very proud of her for just that! She is so unlike me when it comes to school. But she also got an award for Outstanding Achievement!!!! Way to go Syd! So we are very proud of our girl!!

Well thats about it. I hope everyone out there in blogland is doing well and that you all enjoy this long weekend!

Hmmmm...

Well I'm in a conundrum (sp?) I no longer know what to do with my life once my kids are in school. I got my letter today saying that they "may" start the LPN program in Jan 2009..."may"...not very encouraging. I was told that I could take the home support careworker course, its only six months...but really, I don't know if I want to do that. My mom and my sister did that for years...it pays well enough, but I don't know! I was also told that I could take the BScN course...its four years...I don't think I could do that...actually I'm pretty sure I couldn't. Plus I don't really want to go for four years!! So I'm feeling a bit stuck. I mean, there's no rush...but I've been home for 10 years now...which have been good years...but I need to get out of this bubble and into the real world a bit. I had thought about taking the Special Needs Education Assistant course last summer...but they didn't have a start date for it out here yet. It ended up starting this past January...so I'm thinking that the next intake would be this Jan. Its 16months long, in the evenings and on weekends...which would be totally ideal for me! Then when I did work, I'd only have to work when my kids are in school. We'd have the same holidays and everything...which would be very ideal. So I don't know. Maybe with all that has happened, this is what God is pointing me towards...if it all was a bit more clear! Maybe I need to just not worry about it either...who knows! But its an option...the only thing that would suck...is that the courses that I'm upgrading in...are not pre-requisites for the Special Needs Educational Assistant course...nope, they want English 12...which I have...but I'm not sure about my final grade in it... AHHHHHH!!!!

I just have to keep remembering...God never gives us more than we can handle. Actually, I find it kind of funny how things have turned out...my life is His, not my own...so why should it go as I have it planned to go...He's got my life planned all out, He knows my future...I just wish He'd let me in on the plans a little bit more...haha! Have a great day everyone!

How things change!

Its amazing how much things can change in a day!!! Last night, after my big vent on here, I went for a long walk...that helped for the most part I think. Plus I know that there are people out there praying for me, and I appreciate that soooo much! And I was reminded that alot of my feelings were an attack by "you know who"...so I didn't want him to win, so I needed to snap myself out of it. By the time I went to bed, I was feeling alot better.

So today, I went to the college to work on my Biology. I don't have to go, as I'm in a self-paced course...but my instructor said that she would like to see me there every once in a while, just to keep my motivated. Well after I was done, I went and talked to an educational advisor about the LPN program and how I misplaced my letter for volunteer hours. She put her head down and said..."oh boy, I have to tell you something"...I'm thinking that I'm in trouble or something! She said the the LPN program has now been postponed until Jan. 2009!!! Ahhhh! It was already postponed from this Sept to Jan 2008! So it looks like I won't be going to school in the next year at all. In some ways I'm not happy about it...and in others, I think its a blessing in disguise. I had mixed feelings about going, because Rowyn is only in school for half days for kindergarten this fall, and I'd have to send him to a sitter for the time he wasn't in school. Now I don't...so that'll save us some money, and he'll be with me. I'm not sure how I feel really...I really don't feel anything. I guess God knows better than me as to what I'm suppose to be doing with my life right now. Maybe something else will come up...its in HIS hands, it always is, although I forget that most of the time.

So thats about it. Now there's no rush to get this upgrading done...but I'm still going to do it. I've paid my fees and paid for my books...so I might as well do it!!

Why can't I just be happy?

What the heck is wrong with me? Well I know to a certain degree...but why can't I just be happy here for more than a week? I'm miserable!! I'm so bored. I don't know what to do with myself anymore!! Yes, I could work on my house...but you know what...I'm so SICK and TIRED of working on my house. I'm starting to really despise this house. And yes, I know it was a good investment...yada yada! I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel so "stuck" out here. Those of you who grew up here...I know you don't get it, and thats alright. But I just feel stuck...stuck with no way of getting unstuck...I hate it. I'll feel fine for a few days...and then everything just gets to me and I just want to leave. Everyone seems happy out here except for me!!! Why can't I be happy out here...truly happy?? I thought I was getting better...I thought I was finally truly accepting my being here...but I just can't. I don't know what is real anymore...the happiness of one week, or the lonliness and sadness of the next? I don't expect anyone to understand...I don't understand it myself for the most part. I just feel so helpless...like I'm stuck here forever...and I'm not saying that its a bad place to be stuck...I just know that I can't be here forever. I need more to do. I don't mean to sound vain either...I just feel so far away from the rest of the world out here. Maybe this is just a bad day...I don't know. As some of you know...I was diagnosed with depression a while back...I'm on meds for it...and for the most part they've been working great...but somedays, my emotions get the best of me. I just don't know...and I hate not knowing why I must feel like this from time to time. Its not fun...I want to be happy about where I'm at...but I'm not. Two posts ago I was on cloud nine...now look at me. I hate this so much!!!! God help me!!

What have I gotten myself into? (some venting)

Well I've started with my upgrading. Bio 12 and Math 10. I had my math...but my mark wasn't "good enough"...so I have to work on it. I thought I had Bio 12...but didn't. So now I'm in the process of trying to get back into the mindset of doing homework and studying. I have one thing to say about it so far...I HATE IT!!!!!!! I just read the first chapter in my bio textbook, then tried to answer the questions in the study guide. I had no clue what they were talking about...well pretty much anyways. I couldn't answer a darn question right! I knew this was going to happen and it scares the crap out of me to think that I want to be a nurse! I have so many doubts about this, and this is only the beginning and I'm feeling overwhelmed about it all. I've never been the scholarly type...never. So school intimidates me. I mean I wasn't a bad student...but I wasn't the greatest either. I don't enjoy reading because what I read doesn't ever seem to sink into this brain of mine!! I hate it. Its so frustrating. It makes me feel very helpless and hopeless about my future in nursing. I knew this was going to happen. It makes me sad. I wish I loved school, loved learning new things...which I do in some respect...but not like some (my sister!!). I wish things came easy for me, and some things do...but obviously others don't! Plus I can see that this is going to be very hard on my family...me studying every evening. It makes me doubt whether or not this is a good idea. I've wanted to do this for a few years now...but maybe I should wait a bit longer. I don't know. I'm just so unsure right now. I know that I have little faith in myself when it comes to succeeding...thats something that I need to change...but how? I'm just really upset about this all right now...I feel that I've gotten myself in over my head!

Facebook and Floods!

Ok...I cannot even explain this all nor do I really want to cause it would take forever, plus its personal...but I have to say, I am LOVING facebook! I met the most amazing person...we have so much in common! Almost everything that has happened to me in this past year, has happened to her as well! I am totally blown away! You have no idea! Wow!

The flooding around here is getting worse. Tonight we went out for a look and we actually saw a deer stuck in the raging water. It was alive and actually, miraculously made it through the roughest part under the bridge...if you live here, you know what part I'm talking about. It was still alive and swimming towards the river bank...I don't know if it ever got out...but it was amazing, even though it made me sick...I know its just a deer, but still! I'm a sucker for animals, wild or not!

My life has just taken a huge turn around this past week, I'm just in awe of how God works. Amazing friends both here and in other parts of the country, the power and destruction of water, everything! I sit here with my mouth turned up from ear to ear! Life is really good right now...even with all the chaos going on around me!

AHHHHHHHHHH!

Ever feel like running away? Thats how I feel today. I just need some time away from everyone in this house. Don't get me wrong...I love them all more than life itself...but somedays...enough is enough!! I don't normally complain about my kids much (or I atleast try not to) but today has just been one of those days, you know? Everybody's whiny, they seem to think they'll get whatever they ask for, and my answers are not usually what they want to hear...and if they don't get what they want, I suffer for the rest of the day with attitudes, crying, and whining! I don't know if its just all the tension in the air or what. Things are crazy around town, and I think everyone is on edge. We're dealing with some pretty big things around town these days...flooding being the major issue, with landslides and road closers all around...there is no way out of here, unless you fly! Its crazy. So maybe that has something to do with me, and the kids. I don't know. I just want to scream!!!

I also think that because I'm starting into a new phase of my life, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all. I just registered for two classes that I need as pre-requisites for my LPN course in January...Biology and Math. The biology I'm interested in...but the math...not so much. So I have that to do this summer, as well as get 30 hours of volunteer work done by the end of July...I haven't even called to set that up yet. Put eye appts, Dr's appts and dentist appts in the mix and I feel like my head is going to pop off! We also bought a different vehicle, so we want to sell our van, but there are things that need to get done with that before we sell it...new headlight, replace the fog lights...maybe the windshield, etc. And Jason's parents are coming down for a month...so I'm feeling a bit crazier than normal! Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to their visit...I just have so much else that I need to do while they're here, that I hadn't really planned on. My life is pretty uneventful and all of a sudden it seems like I'm busier than I've ever been. Plus I've finally come out of my cocoon and actually have a social life once again...that feels great though. There just aren't enough hours in a day it seems. I guess I can't say that I'm bored!

We went a checked out our raging Skeena River today...man its nutts out there. HUGE trees just pop up out of the water after being sucked down over and over again. Trees with the roots still attached. Everyone in town is out and about checking out the river. It just seems that the town is really busy, which I'm sure it is, and I'm sure there are alot of people stranded here because of the situation. It just doesn't feel "normal" around here these days...atleast not to me.

Well thats my little rant for the evening. I'm going to sit back, put my feet up and try to do...nothing at all!

Hokey Doodle!

Ok...so many of you are on facebook. Many of you belong to certain "groups" and such. I'm in a few, but not alot. One is called "City and Colour and other great works of Dallas Green". I only belong to this group because he is my favorite singer of all time! I've only left one comment...but it was a nice one. So many people on these discussion boards talk such crap...but I didn't, cause really, whats the point and I'm not into that kind of stuff anyways. I just said how much we (Jason and I) love his music and his talent, etc. He dates a certain someone from Much Music...so there's alot of talk on there, trashing her, etc. I had mentioned that it didn't matter who he dates...thats his business, what does matter is why we like his music, yada yada. Well today, I got an email from his sister! She thanked me for my comment and some other stuff. I was shocked...but so happy. She loves her brother to pieces and she was just so happy to see someone leave a nice comment. It just made my day! I can't imagine being famous and adored by thousands of people. We love his music...and when we saw him live...he seemed like the most gracious person, he was SO thankful to be able to do what he loves, and to make a decent living at it. He was so humble. So it was nice to see that his sister cares so much about him that she would send an email thanking a fan on their kind words and thoughts.